More deadlifts.
DL - 330, 295 x 5
https://www.instagram.com/p/CCMuR1DgPdy/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link
Even easier deadlifts.
Deadlift - 335 x 5, 300 x 5
https://www.instagram.com/p/CCOZJx7gMeC/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link
I’m still alive, just busy. Found time to train today though.
Deadlift - 320, 290 x 5
Press - 125, 115 x 5
I deadlifted and everything throughout the week.
Most recent set:
335 x 5, 300 x 5
Feeling strong. Weights flying up.
https://www.instagram.com/p/CCyab3Fgb5X/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link
OOOOF. Got off track for a week.
Deadlift - 325 x 5, 295 x 5 (RPE 3-4)
Press - 115 x 5, 105 x 5 (feels stale)
More lifting…barely holding onto that workout week here
Deadlift - 330 x 5, 295 x 5
Press - 120, 110 x 5
https://www.instagram.com/p/CDSkpHlgwCe/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link
Getting back to baseline here. I’m still sitting around a 400-410 pound max at 160 which isn’t too bad, I lost 30 or so pounds in neural gains. That’ll come back pretty easily.
Deadlift
135 x 5
225 x 3
275 x 3
330 x 6 (RPE 8-9)
275 x 8
Capped it here, gonna make myself a nice little spreadsheet and go through the motions again while eating in a caloric surplus and see where that takes me.
1 Like
Have been eating in a caloric surplus for the last week. Wanted to share this set because it’s pretty big for me, and I guess it shows the power of PTTP as a program.
Pulled 335 x 9 with one more in the tank if I really went balls to the wall, I guess I still know how to grind. The big plates are overweight by about 5 pounds total and everything (including the bar) was saturated with water from the rain the night before, which is why 325 is loaded on the bar. The bar is always heavier after being exposed to rain, and so are the plates.
Deadlift
135 x 5
225 x 3
275 x 1
335 x 9 - Recent PR, meaning I still have a hypothetical 435 pound beltless pull in the tank on a shitty day like today
275 x 10
That’s all folks - tested my unbroken pushup max at 57 yesterday, which is pretty good for me. I’m weighing in at 165 nowadays.
Also, instead of buying pills yesterday I went and bought some Kratom, which is honestly saving me from thinking about the fake Oxy all day every day.
Low doses are stimulating (almost like a cup of coffee mixed with half a Percocet) and they scratch the itch for me without being overly constipating. Fentanyl would have me not using the bathroom for two weeks straight, so I think this is better for me. It’s also considerably cheaper than street shit.
Maybe I’m sober, maybe I’m not. I don’t really care what other people label me as because I know the depths of my opiate cravings and I know where they will take me if I don’t do something about them.
Either way I can’t go back to the blues. I have 24 days away from them today. I’d rather use Kratom and stay safe in that regard. I mean…I can literally work out and perform intellectual tasks while taking it because it focuses me, which is unheard of for me. I don’t take Adderall anymore, but this is honestly better. This ADD cure is underrated.
I know there are nasty withdrawal symptoms associated with the drug, but I’m not super worried about them because - let’s face it - they’re nothing I haven’t been through before, and cold sweats/nausea + feeling like absolute death is an acquired taste.
1 Like
Checking in with 45 days of sobriety, also dealing with a ton of depression and a new Lyme Disease diagnosis.
The last thing I wanted to do today was pick up a weight, but I did it anyway and now the rest of the workouts will be easier. It was easy anyway barring some muscle stiffness.
Deadlift - 295, 265 x 5
Press - 85, 75 x 5
2 Likes
Deadlift - 300, 270 x 5
Press - 90, 80 x 5
Life sucks, I’ve lost everything by my own stupidity and I’m not getting any of it back because the damage has been done and it’s irreparable. I’ve lost everything I have ever worked for, it’s my fault, and I’m not making any efforts to get any of it back because I never deserved it in the first place. I’m also a smoker again, I have been back on nicotine for a while now and I deserve every puff I take because I have given up on everything entirely.
I live at home again because I lost my seat in college and my job soon after I lost my girlfriend and I should have done everything differently, but a few months’ worth of bad decisions compounded by using, suicide attempts and depression have turned me into a jobless drug addict with no real future because I don’t want one.
I worked for everything for many years, I was happy for a little while, and now it is all gone and I did this to myself. I am right back in the spot I occupied at 16, meaning that I am beyond hopeless and not too sure that I have a future in anything because I’ll probably end up dead before I choose to go through years more of therapy, psychiatry, meetings, and the like.
Realistically, I’ll find mental stability after another 5-10 years in the system, but I’m not waiting that long for my life to improve. I doubt I’ll last that many months, let alone years. Basic self-care takes enormous effort for me, as does getting out of bed in the morning. I spend most of my time sleeping because I’d rather not be conscious for as long as possible during the day. I don’t know why I’m bothering to lift weights again because odds are it won’t stick and I’ll be wasting my time like I usually am, taking 9 steps forward and 10 steps back in the pursuit of physical strength as I take my three-week break every two weeks.
Worked out yesterday and today.
Yesterday
Deadlift - 305, 275 x 5
Press - 95, 85 x 5
Today
Deadlift - 310, 280 x 5
Press - 100, 90 x 5
Super easy lifting…
I lifted two days ago, starting my second week tomorrow - also did a standing press at 135 with no warmup and it was easy, I could have had a set of 5.
Deadlift - 315, 285 x 5
Press - 105, 95 x 5
Also quitting smoking once again for what seems like the ten thousandth time. Yuck
Might as well beat people up for fun instead (legally, in a ring, of course)! I’m not super concerned about getting COVID-19 because, I mean, I need to attend meetings with other people in order to keep myself sober and Zoom is not cutting it. I have 52 days free from those chains, I even stopped taking Kratom 3 days ago and I’m not witnessing any super severe withdrawal symptoms (nausea, diarrhea, and cold sweats were bad the first day but they subsided considerably over the last two days).
I want to fight again too. As it stands I weigh around 180, I’ve been gaining weight like crazy and I finally have a little bit of energy to work out again.
Unfortunately, I also have mold poisoning, Lyme Disease, pneumonia (water in the lungs caused by chain-vaping), Coxsackie disease, and two other things that came back in my bloodwork (I forgot what they were). That would explain why I feel like hot garbage 24/7.
I worked out yesterday and today, I just suck at remembering to upload anything nowadays.
Yesterday
Deadlift - 300, 270 x 5
Press - 90, 80 x 5
Today
Deadlift - 305, 275 x 5
Press - 95, 85 x 5
Too easy
1 Like
Easy workout today:
Deadlift - 310, 280 x 5
Press - 100, 90 x 5
Also not a smoker anymore
Well, I tried to delete my T-Nation account a very long time ago, but I guess my failed attempts to get back into the groove of working out will live on for eternity here in this hidden “training log”.
As things stand, I am no longer someone who lifts weights. I am far too physically sick with Lyme, mold poisoning, liver/kidney issues, and other autoimmune conditions to even consider picking up a barbell. I can’t even choke down three small meals per day, much less eat to support strength. I spend most of my time laying in bed and puking up bile.
Anyway, I’m totally done. You’ll never see another post from me on this website unless I receive a miracle from God and become physically healthy enough to not shit myself when I lift. In other news, eighth time’s a charm.
It was nice knowing those of you who enriched my time here, and I wish you all the very best. Thanks for supporting me even when I wasn’t supporting myself.
@EmilyQ Hey Emily. I have been better. Actually hit my bottom in a rehab somewhere in New Jersey coming off Kratom cold turkey because an exorbitant dose wasn’t even keeping me well.
I jumped off the equivalent of 60 mg. Oxy a day cold turkey (in the form of Kratom) because I was sick 15 times a day for a month and then it just got worse and worse as I refused to increase my dose.
A taper would have been the safer option but I was just disgusted with myself and finished destroying my body and mind.
Had a tonic-clonic seizure sitting in the chair at the nurse’s office, smacked the back of my head up on the wall pretty bad, didn’t sleep or eat for 3 days straight, had what felt like a 130 degree fever for days on end and the sensation of suffocating to death on anxiety for weeks. Had so many panic attacks there they sent me to a psych hospital and they ended up discharging me.
Couldn’t breathe deep enough to feel oxygen, had auditory hallucinations for days on end. Don’t even remember most of the worst parts. Also had very vivid nightmares where I felt myself fall to my death and watched people die 4 different ways.
I can safely say that I am repulsed by the thought of using again. Thoughts of using now make me very angry to the point where I kick holes in shit. I want nothing to do with anything that will incapacitate me in any way, shape or form, because all of it will lead to me dying in an abandoned aircraft hangar with a needle in my arm. I can’t use anything safely because I am an addict with severe mental health issues and a constant death wish. How simpler could my options be? Live sober or die high. I make my life a nightmare unless I live clean.
Counting days right now, but not having any cravings to use anything. I think that even though I established a physical dependence on the Kratom I used it to break my mental dependence on fentanyl. Now I have no desire to use either one and that’s a miracle. Found my reserves of Kratom today in my backpack, laughed out loud and flushed it all down the toilet.
Feels like a cheap energy shot mixed with half a Vicodin. So not worth the seizures. I know everyone believes I died because everyone here knows I’m a junkie (and if a job ever pulls this up I’m fucked) on T-Nation.
All I can say is that my addiction and mania make for hours of unhinged entertainment and a few cheap laughs at my expense from other guys on the forums. I’m pretty okay with that. I’ll be fine. Everyone gets back exactly what they give out!
I’m not coming back here or anything because my reputation doesn’t even exist anymore and I went from being a respected powerlifter to a well-known strung-out pill junkie in a few months, but I wanted you to know I was fine.
As for everyone else, trust me when I tell you that I’m better off without some of the jeering and pokes at my poor mental health and addiction to drugs. I’ll take my new training log somewhere else where people don’t know me or my history to use against me. Somewhere where people can’t say, “Oh, he relapsed? I knew that was gonna happen, he had no chance.”
So, this will be my last post here, everyone else can believe I passed away for what I care. Need to sever my time on this website and some of the people I interact with here at the cord. Thanks for caring though! All love and appreciation from me to you cause you never poked fun when I was at my worst.
Hey, good to see you again, and I’m glad you’re establishing control and a measure of self-care. You have a tough road ahead of you, but my belief is that you’re uniquely built to travel it. If you are not a powerlifter anymore, that’s completely cool, but do remember that you are still a former powerlifter, and that as such you have the capacity to do difficult things that most people can’t, or won’t because they’re lazy or weak. “It’s hard, so I can’t.”
I’d actually thought you left to work on yourself, and have been imagining you well, or working on it. As for the others here, I recall a lot of concern for you. I didn’t see jeering, but it’s possible that I wasn’t in those threads. My impression was that the guys were impressed with your lifting, and concerned about your mental health issues. But whether they were or they weren’t, remember this is a race you’re running against yourself and the opinions of others means very little. Later, sure, when you’re older. But for now, focus on you and health (in all the ways). I’m sure I’ve thrown this at you before, but it bears repeating…
If I am not for myself, who is for me?
And being for my own self, what am I?
If not now, when? --Hillel the Elder (110 BC-10 AD)
1 Like