I think a lot of your options are limited by your means and wishes for your children. It sounds like you’ve got your head screwed on right.
A city like Valparaiso, IN is a nice city right in the population ballpark you are looking for in a red state. Moving there will result in your children going to VHS, where they absolutely will have an abundance of pitfalls they could fall into. That’s going to be true at nearly any public school, but obviously to varying degrees. Some kids find a way to do well no matter where they go, but plenty of good ones get led astray all too easily.
Your high school experience sounds very similar to mine, where many of my close friends from normal families in Valparaiso were consumed by drugs way back in the late 90’s, specifically heroin. My little sister definitely got into more stuff than I did (although I never did ecstacy).
Obviously you want the least amount of dysfunction across the board for your kids’ educations and social upbringing. If public school is your likely option, you will need to balance proximity to cities against your wish to keep them as sheltered from dysfunction as possible.
Even then, some seriously messed up stuff happens in rural areas, but it is different than being surrounded by dysfunction on a daily basis with uncontrolled students who are allowed to create a chaotic environment where learning doesn’t actually occur.
Lewiston as it existed a decade ago probably would have been right up your alley. It really was a nice, unremarkable college town that just seemed so normal. Today, your kids would be taught that it is their responsibility to resurrect local addicts, trained on narcan and provided with narcan by Lewiston Public Schools, including middle school. You would only be able to opt out if your kids handed you the letter and you opted them out. Parents were not directly notified. That policy took effect a couple weeks ago.
If you don’t want that for your kids, or you don’t want your daughter to be talked into the idea that she needs testosterone and then ushered into that treatment path as a child WITHOUT YOUR KNOWLEDGE, you just need to stay out of blue states. Those are real policies in Maine now. She would also be responsible for the payment of the elective medical procedures she was guided into as a minor.
I feel so bad for all of the young people I see around town now who are obviously undergoing some medical procedures related to gender. The idea that there’s something wrong with their bodies in such a profound way can only be planted by sick adults. It doesn’t just spring up on its own like it has here.
