Have you talked to a therapist and/ or psychiatrist about these symptoms? Seems like it might be a mental thing.
In that case I highly recommend also checking your thyroid and testosterone levels! Make sure those are all in check and then/ simultaneously check with a specialist for mental health.
It’s complicated. I used to have a sort of routine before I developed this problems. That’s funny: I never suffered from anxiety until I was 17. I’d go to bed, mess around with my phone for twenty minutes, then go to sleep without problems. Then one night, something just didn’t feel right. There was something in the back of my mind that kept me up, and soon enough I was panicking and literally crying because I didn’t know what was going on and why suddenly I wasn’t functioning anymore.
It sounds funny, maybe even pathetic, but I was borderline having a panic attack, and since that day my relationship with sleep has never been the same.
Nowadays, I don’t feel like I benefit from a set routine. It makes me anxious because as I get to the last “steps” in my routine, it feels like I’m getting closer to the critical moment of going to bed and my anxiety kicks in.
I did it for around 1 and a half year. It was lots of fun, and I slept like a baby when I did smoke it. However, I’m very much against smoking, like viscerally so. In fact, I kept it causal and smoked the minimum amount to get the effect because I don’t want smoke in my system. So unfortunately, that’s not a long term solution.
But it did help. And some of the happiest moments in these past few years were the binging with my friends afterwards.
I have, however that wasn’t the dominating topic in my sessions because there were other things to me that needed some fixing when I was seeing a therapist. I have not seen her for a few months now, pretty much since I started going to university, as there is virtually no time for that.
When I did bring it up though, she suggested working on meditation and watching some videos to help relaxation before bed. I did try a couple of those videos, but to little avail.
The psychiatrist I went to gave me three meds, aimed at helping with general anxiety and sleeping. I had to stop two of them after a month or so because I was having severe side effects that were interfering with my sexual life, and that’s a trade off I wasn’t willing to take.
I’m still taking a very low dose of a benzodiazepine-based medicine before bed, but I am unsure whether that really helps or if it’s just a side effect. In the past I had worked up to a mildly heavy dose (I was taking 3 pills when I really couldn’t sleep) but have since worked down to half a pill. When I’m having bad anxiety and haven’t fallen asleep within a couple of hours, usually taking another half pill does it, but I can’t tell for sure whether it’s really the pill that’s making me fall asleep ultimately.
Out of interest here: Have you been taking other psycho-pharmaceuticals before? Otherwise the approach of your psychiatrist is pretty unusual. At least from what’s considered standard where I live.
Maybe another psychotherapy might help.
I can’t stress enough how important it is to get your hormones checked. Other than that I fear I can’t provide much useful advice. At least not with knowing virtually nothing at all about you.
I hope you get better, hang in there!
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I mean if the weed worked and you don’t want to smoke it you could eat it
Don’t really have any advice aside from you could try taking naps to make up whatever sleep you miss
No I hadn’t, but when I went to see the psychiatrist I had already been going through therapy with a psychologist for almost a year, and I went there because I had decided that I wanted to start taking something that would help me fix it once and for all (which it didn’t in the end).
Psychiatrists don’t really think about it twice before prescribing meds here. Maybe I’m generalizing but there have been controversies about the way psychiatrists work in Italy so it’s safe to assume at least the majority of them are this way. This is probably not the best approach, but when I went in there I was confident in my ability to be wise about taking those medicines, so I knew I wouldn’t mess up even if maybe the doctor hadn’t been cautious with the prescriptions.
I will get them checked as soon as it’s safe to go to a hospital.
Feel free to ask more if there’s anything you want to know that you think might be useful in order to provide better advice. But thank you for your post either way!
The main problem is weed is illegal here, so it’s hard to get good quality weed, and the ones you see being sold around are laced so bad they’re probably very dangerous.
I’m also a little skeptical about long term usage in general. There might be unwanted side effects in the long term that I’m not sure I want.
I’m doing that, and it’s surprising how well I can sleep in the middle of the day. If only I could fall asleep that easily at night!
Today I literally blacked out for half an hour in the middle of an online class while I was sitting on the couch. The same happened last week, and in general I don’t have issues napping. Man, my body works backwards at times.
Describe “blacked out”. Could be narcolepsy, even mild. Do you know if you dream right after falling asleep sometimes? Could also be sleep apnea. Have you had a sleep study done?
Okay maybe I exaggerated it a bit. Let’s say I felt really sleepy and I just gave in because I was feeling very relaxed and couldn’t really fight it back.
Not really. What do you think a possible sleep apnea would be related with? Could it have to do with my issues with falling asleep?
It does seem very odd to me to prescribe three different medications and one of them based on of them benzodiazepine-based! It seems like you have a good handle on that, so that’s good.
Also good. Drugs are never a long term solution.
What is your living situation like? Do you live alone or with someone? Have you ever tried something like autogenic training or progressive muscle relaxation techniques? It’s not for everyone but with ablittle getting used to, some people find it useful.
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I live with my father. When I moved in with him, four years ago when I was 16, after having lived with my mother for all childhood, my life changed drastically.
One of the differences were that my father basically didn’t look after me, and he wasn’t physically present at home for 90% of the time at least. I had never slept in a house alone and, as you can imagine, getting all that freedom was super fun.
One thing I noticed though, when a year later I started developing these issues, is that among the things that got me agitated there was my father coming home late at night. The few nights he slept at home, he’d come in around 2am or later, and the thought of him getting home in the middle of my attempt to fall asleep got my heart racing, literally. As soon as as I’d hear the door opening I’d go, “there we go again…”.
It doesn’t have anything to do with my dad in specific, but rather the idea that the thought of anything disrupting my sleep, my attempt to create a sense of “safety,” would get me really nervous.
The dynamics have currently changed and he’s home way more frequently. These last few weeks, in particular, due to the confinement order, he’s been home every night. The idea of having someone around the house when I’m trying to sleep doesn’t make me anxious anymore, but it really used to bother me. In the past, I felt so relieved every time he cared to tell me he wouldn’t come home for the night.
I don’t know what autogenic training is, I’ll look it up. As far as the progressive muscle relaxation technique, as well as some other breathing techniques I read that are supposed to make you fall asleep very quickly (and that probably do work for some other people), I’m a little skeptical about them for myself. In fact, every time I tried one of those “tricks,” the end result would always be that I’d get even more anxious and worried because as soon as I tried them and didn’t fall asleep, I’d go, “duh, it doesn’t work. I’m never falling asleep tonight.” I know it’s silly, but it’s something that almost happens at a subconscious level.
Have you talked to your father about these issues (if you have a good relationship in which you could imagine talking to him about stuff like this)? Did you notice your symptoms getting better or worse now that he is home a lot at night time?
Autogenic training isn’t supposed to make you fall asleep and in your case I would not start using it before bed time. Depending on the individual and how good it’s working, it can be rather stressful. For some it’s very relaxing. I was exposed to it nearly daily for about 7 weeks and in the beginning I used to sweat a lot and it was physically exhausting while near the end I was very relaxed and on the edge of falling asleep. Some people who can make this work for them can use it to actively calm themselves down or fall asleep fast but I imagine that takes a bit of work. Tbh I haven’t tried to use it like that myself.
It’s not silly, it’s a thought spiral. That is something that is hard to break but common for a number of mental illnesses. As I said, making techniques like that work takes a lot of practice and in the end it’s also just not for everyone.
Is changing your living situation an option? Obviously not during the pandemic but in the (hopefully) near future.
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I have, but it’s not like he can do a bunch to help. He’s a pretty superficial person, and on top of that he’s never anxious and is the kinda person that falls asleep within minutes of laying down.
I have talked a lot to my mother about this. She’s more nurturing and she has sleep issues as well, however she’s able to deal with it by literally not giving a damn about it. She just doesn’t care. She sleeps for however long she manages to, and then gets up early and doesn’t think about it the whole day.
You mean moving out of my place? No. But I wouldn’t want to. Everything’s perfect here. Besides, I don’t think my surroundings influence my sleep issues. I have spent a few weeks in a college campus, and I had similar issues during that time.
During last summer, I on a few occasions slept out with my girlfriend (after parties and the like), and I had similar issues as well.
Bottom line is, this feels a lot like something that comes from the inside and only that. Nothing can be done about it from the outside, but rather from the inside.
For example, I noticed that a lot of times my anxiety would set in if, by the time I headed to bed, my body didn’t feel very tired. So I’d start going like “yeah, there’s no way I’m falling asleep now,” and anxiety would ensue.
Other times, it kicked in if I laid in bed and stayed on my phone for too long. I’m getting used to going to bed later during this period, as I can wake up later in the morning. But usually, a weird paradox would take place in which I keep scrolling through social media, reddit etc. on my phone because I want to somehow delay the dreaded moment of trying to sleep, but then after a while I’d look at the clock and see that my hours of sleep are slowly running out, so the anxiety gets worse, so I keep saying “okay just ten more minutes and I’ll go…” and I find myself in a vicious cycle.
Sheeeeeittt boiiii, weed’s been illegal in every place I’ve ever lived, and at 12 years old I could have it delivered within 15 minutes literally 24/7/365 from any of the three local dealers in my town, who - no joke - were literally all called Jay.
If you’re not in a country that imposes seriously grave penalties for possession, drugs are easier to get when they’re illegal.
You are virtually unable to find a job here if your criminal record states you use drugs. Penalties are a joke, you don’t even get a fine or jail time for “light” drugs usage.
But, the consequences on your job life can be disastrous.
Did I ever say my father is a police officer? I wouldn’t live long enough to have to worry about my career if I got found.
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Haha, nope.
Sucks that people can drink themselves to death but using weed would affect your job. Also - having your hiring status permanently affected by weed falls under ‘grave consequences’ for me.
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my 2 cents:
Apologies if already mentioned but learn/try meditation. Prob start off something like 20 mins in the middle of the day. Will be no quick fix but over time might help balance you out.
Near bedtime watching Comedy/something that makes you laugh -can help calm the CNS. Personally I have much lighter, more pleasant dreams also
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Ok good. That wasn’t a suggestion, I was just trying to gather information in case anything obvious was causing your issues.
Are you still in that/ a relationship? Does your gf know about those struggles? If you are with her during night time and these issues present themselves, have you tried talking to her about it (even if it means waking her up)? I am asking this because a calming exchange with a loving and caring person can do wonders in a situation like that. If you haven’t woken her up for example, a suggestion would be talking about the situation and asking if it was okay to wake her up, so that she can maybe help you in the situation.
I understand. Your inside is influenced by the outside to a great degree though, so I would think it is important to look at your whole life situation and see if there are maybe any stressors that might contribute to the situation.
You mentioned that you were in therapy before but your sleep issues weren’t the main topic. Are you willing to give a brief overview of the reason you seeked help in the first place? Do you think the issues you are describing might be connected to that? Were you possibly diagnosed with any mental illnesses? Do you consider your therapy a success or rather did it solve or significantly better any of your problems?
Btw. since I am engaging so much and am starting to give advice, I’d like to put a little disclaimer out: I am not a psychologist, therapist or medical professional of any kind. I just speak from my own experience or the experience of other people I know and who shared their struggles with me.
Agreed. That’s a contradiction I’ll never be able to bring myself to justify.
That’s something I’ll be looking into. Sounds like it’s helped lots of people.
Yes I’m still in that relationship. I talk to her about this pretty often, and more often than not I’m the one that supports her because she sometimes finds herself dealing with even worse anxiety problems.
Unfortunately, she’s been way more unlucky than me, and lost her father a year ago. So her issues stem from a very concrete and easy to see reason.
When we sleep together I don’t recall having had problems with falling asleep, but I don’t know if it’s statistically significant because we were only doing it like once a week before this pandemic started.
Having a conversation does help. When I find myself not being able to sleep and panic ensues, I usually text her if she’s still awake. A few texts calm me down usually. If she’s not up, I’ll see if I can find a friend of mine that’s still up. Last week I had a really cool conversation with a guy that attends my university at 4am, who also told me has sleep issues, and by the end of it I didn’t give a fuck about sleeping or not.
If you have the time to take a quick read, I talked in depth about what I was feeling like when I started with therapy in a thread named “a little rant about life.” If you look up those exact words you’ll find it.
The bottom line is: I had just gotten out of a relationship, and I knew that I was the one that messed it up, month after month, and I brought my once-gf to not want to be with me anymore with my behavior and attitude. I wasn’t sad about the end of my relationship, but I was shattered by the notion that it was one more relationship (in the broader sense, meaning either with a girl, or a friendship) that I ruined.
In fact, I have always had problems with interpersonal relationships. I managed to destroy virtually all the friendships I’ve had in the past. By the end, I’d be the one to be isolated and thrown away and it was my fault.
I wanted to change that. That’s why I started with therapy.
No, I had hypothesized a few conditions I thought I might have had, but my psychologist confirmed that I positively don’t have any illnesses.
Therapy taught me about how some of the things about my “character” needed to change. Some traits needed to go, others needed to be made a little less “sharp,” so to say.
One thing I learned is to expect less of others. And also to have smaller expectations from myself. I learned to let some things go, and I learned that saying less sometimes is the best thing to do.
Those seem like obvious things, but I can tell you these were HUGE lessons. They shaped me more, during the last year, than most of the other experiences I had in 20 years of life have so far.
I can tell you that, and I only realized this recently, after changing those parts of myself I am so much more at peace with myself than I was before. When I first went to therapy I saw darkness in my future. Not because I didn’t have the potential to create a good future for myself, but because I was sure I would eventually destroy it with my very hands.
Now I don’t fear that anymore. I know that my decisions come from my heart and are “honest,” meaning that I don’t feel like I’m betraying myself anymore. That’s huge.
However, these sleep issues still don’t seem to be related to that. It’s as if they are situated on a more primal level. It doesn’t matter what’s going on in my life, I can be the happiest but when insomnia strikes, it hits me hard.
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This
And this
Was the reason why I was asking in that direction. It might not be a direct solution but coping strategies and ressources like that are incredibly valuable. I know from personal experience that those things can make a huge difference in the moment but also ultimately in the long run.
Your therapy experience sounds very, very good. You also make the impression of being very self-reflecting and intelligent.
Do you recall any particular thought spirals or reacurring thoughts and fears when your symptoms present themselves at night?
You asked in the beginning if anyone was familiar with these issues or had experienced them themself. I did ignore that so far. I am not familiar with the exact same issues, at least not from personal experience. A lot of the things you have described surrounding or leading up to your issues are very familiar to me though. Your symptoms/ issues sound like the build up to a panic attack basically. The state of super high anxiety that spirals seemingly out of control.
How did that work? You just turned 30 so this was, what, early 2000’s? I can’t think of the phone situation back then…texting wasn’t big yet, right? Serious question, haha. Just thinking of right now, you just text the dealer or your friend who knows them will. What’d you do? Especially at 12 years old, holy crap 
Flip phones had JUST come out and they were getting color at that point, I think. At the beginning, most of our deals were done during the daytime, with dealers who would sell to 12 year olds (hence it being easier when it’s illegal, since the dealer chooses who to sell to, instead of a licensed vendor who checks for State issued ID’s), but we always knew a guy who knew a guy, at any time, any place, and we never had to wait long for it. Once we were getting ready to go to high school it was more difficult NOT to smoke weed than to smoke it.