Apparently you only need 15 Chromosomes to get a drivers license in Ontario. Anyone who drives up here knows that most of the Fucktards on the road are complete clueless asswipes. Many types of bad drivers up here.
There is the dickheads that think they are cool when the go super fast on the highway(or anywhere else) weaving in and out cutting people off. Just because you make a really cool dangerous pull in front of me move with only inches between you and me and the car ahead of you doesn’t mean I think your cool. I personally think you should A: Kill yourself or B: Let me kill you. Please go for B shitmunch!!!
Then there are the morons that go super slow. You going much slower than the rest of traffic is also dangerous. …Dumbasses!!!
Next there are the people that don’t know how to turn a corner. Listen you fuck you don’t have to go 1 mile per hour when making a turn. Cars are designed to handle a corner at more than 0.000001 of a G you shit for brains asshole! I suggest watching the movie Tron back to back 496 times! Oh bye the way fuck you!!!
Lastly there is the combination “fast turning out of a parking lot I drive slow in front of you” clueless sunday drivers! One get out of my way or two speed or better yet let me go by before turning out. Also learn that you are an asshole. Please kill yourself.
There that was fun. I feel better now. Have a nice day. And remember folks drive right…or kill yourself. Thanks. Ciao.
Folks, please ALWAYS wear your seatbelts.
My cousin crashed his car on the highway. He wasnt wearing a seatbelt and just flew straight out. He is now lying in the hospital, his ribcage was left open and wont be closed until the doctors know if he'll make it. If he makes it he'll be paralyzed for life.
These are the doctor's words 'if only hed be wearing a seatbelt.'
He had just gotten off the phone with his mom giving her the news that he did great on an important exam. I cant imagine what his parents are going through right now, as well as his brothers who work out at my gym. He's such a good guy, it really makes you look at things from a different perspective.
The truth is, if youre not wearing your seatbelt and crash on a highway you're either dead, paralyzed, or severely injured - meaning you can say goodbye to the t-man way of life. Dont do that to yourself or to your family and friends. There's no worse news.
I’m not from Ontario but it sounds like driving stupidity is a contagious disease and has spread all the way down to the states. I have also observed the same retarded shit you described, but you left out a few other unbelievably moronic shit I have seen on the road recently. The people that slow down to 5 mph to turn on a 50mph road with a TURN LANE but they don’t bother using the turn lane, nearly causing a massive 10 car pileup and then flip you off for honking at them because you panicked when you saw the 18 wheeler bearing down on you in your rearview mirror. One of my biggest pet peeves involves people that are too fucking cool to use thier goddamn turn signals! Fuck! How hard is it to flip a little switch that is inches away from your hand?!!! Oh, and of course there are the fuckwits that race around to pass a line of traffic in the right hand lane even though the road clearly merges into a single lane a mere 50 ft ahead causing them to nearly sideswipe the cars ahead in order to force thier way back in, effectively getting them a whole 3 or 4 cars ahead of where they were before. Oh, good idea retard, you will get there .3 seconds faster now, and it only required endangering the lives of no less than 5 people, you are smart! It should be legal to mount machine guns and rocket launchers on your car, I keep writing my congressman but the fucking pussy says it’s too dangerous.
I visited toronto for a fortnight a couple of years ago and experineced exactly the same styles of driving you are talking about, the worst thing was that when we went clubbing in toronto my mate lived miles away and had to drive us there and back, it was bad enough on the way there but jesus, on the way back at about 3am the whole motorway (freeway?) was like a sodding race track with clubbers doing there best to kill each other by doing rapid cut ups and the like, needless to say i enjoyed my driving experience there!
Hey ArcaIneCocaine,
I hear ya man. Where in Ont. are you? About 15 years ago, I think the K-W area had the highest death per capita rate in Canada ( If not north America).
Forrester, I think some places just out shine others. There was a HUGE accident on a major Highway north of Windsor (I think 70 - 100 cars) a couple of years ago and 1 week later on the same stretch of road cars were being pulled over doing in excess of 150 km/hr (I think atually about 175km/hr). I wish I could remember more but I only read the story once and I lived (still live) in the States.
Peace,
T-Ren
By the way,(this is in NO way sarcastic.)
When you talk about being an artist, didn’t you really mean to say that you paint with words? You have come out with arguably the most colourful combinations in a long time. Fucktard?, shitmunch?, watching Tron back to back 496?. Irondoc was great in the big(?)conan thread.
I think T-mag should unleash you guys on the cockameme buttnuts that think they are the “WASA” of weights.
Peace,
T-Ren
Guys I hear ya …but try driving herew on the East Coast of Canada. I swear most people here don’t even see a traffic light until the age of 25!!!
We have the old man wearing a hat who drives half the speed limit in the fast lane on the highway, as well as the fuckwad who who has to double the speed limit to get around him,
Then there’s the little old lady who hits the turn signal and starts slowing down 15 streets before her turn,
There aren’t many big cities here so rush hour usually lasts all of 20 minutes but you guys should experience the complete jugfuck that goes on during that time …they should really teach people in Driver’s Ed that it is in fact okay to make a turn on a green light even if it isn’t flashing.
All that said, at least it’s better than driving in the Middle East.
We have a poster here at work - John Wayne in “The Green Berets” the caption says “Life is Tough …Even Tougher if you’re Stupid”
Diesel …unless I have you confused with someone else, shouldn’t you be in Jarhead school by now?
Diesel, sobering story. My thoughts are with you and your family.
CDN, where abouts on the east coast? I’ll be in Dartmouth visiting my folks in about a month.
T-Ren, the accidents you referred to occurred in heavy fog. People were driving like animals although they couldn’t see two feet in front of them. Many people died in the first one, some burned alive. Awful stuff.
I don’t thknk anything beats Albertan drivers. All the worst stuff I’ve witnessed has been in Alberta and I’ve lived in many, many parts of Canada. Nobody shoulder checks, stops at stop signs, yellow lights mean nothing, red even less, people weave, no signals, ride your bumper so close you can’t even see their grills.
Reckless, inatentive, and just plain stupid drivers hits a huge button for me. I get the fun of scraping up many of these idiots on a fairly regular basis at work. The ones that really make me crazy are people who drive around with several children in the car, none of who are in child seats or even buckled in. Believe it or not this is quite common and what happens to these children in an accident is unmentionable. I could’nt care less if someone wipes themself off the planet through stupidity in a vehicle, but they always seem to take an innocent person or two with them. I’m also sensitive to stupidity on the road as I commute to work on a motorcycle. You have to be doubly aware of what people do around you as the consequences of someone else’s mistake are so much greater for you on a bike. A friend of mine, who also ride, carries ballbearings in his pocket. If you make a really stupid move near him you get a ballbearing through the windshield as he passes you. I don’t neccessarily agree with him, but he does get his point across.
Irondoc unfortunatly I heard fucktard along time ago and didn’t make it up. I still think your “I invented portuguese” as the funnies thing ever. Shitmunch to my knowledge is mine. However I’m assuming someone else must have beat me too it. Hey a radio station up here calls people asshats.
I live in Kingston and agree with all of the driving comments. But it seems in here in K-town there is an in-ordinate amount of drivers that turn left from the right side of the lane. As well as turn right from the middle of an intersection.
Also FUCKTARDS is now officially in my everyday vocabulary ( in impolite company only of course ).
Fucktards is a good one, I like it. Do they ride the short bus, or just the 'tard cart?
I’ve heard asshat before, as I was called one. I laughed so hard when I heard that one.
I hate when people blatently ignore signs, like, I don’t know, MERGE AHEAD LEFT LANE ENDS, and they proceed to be the fucknut they are and just stay in that lane. Or what about the people who turn left when there’s a left turn arrow SURROUNDED BY A BIG FUCKING RED CIRCLE WITH A CROSS IN IT SIGNIFYING NO LEFT TURN. Jesus you cocksmoker, can you see?
