Did TRT Help Your OCD/Ruminating?

Pharma TRT
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Sounds like you’ve had a pretty rough go of it so far brother. I will say this, the past does NOT dictate the person you are. I can tell you that for a fact. Who you become as an adult is your choice, and don’t ever let anyone or anything take that from you. Sure there are things you have to settle within yourself, but who you are…that’s up to you.

Here is a link to my story if you care to read it. I posted it on here a while back in hopes that it might help another member who was going through some bad stuff.

I will say one thing concerning your dad. Being a dad myself of two boys, and having walked with them through some very hard times, it’s hard sometimes to know how to be a good father to your children. You want to comfort them, and teach them to be a man at the same time, but there’s really no manual for how to do that. This is especially true if you never had an example of what a good father looks like when you were growing. There are no excuses for getting it wrong and it sucks for the child, ie you, but I’m saying this to let you know that it’s possible that your father cries behind closed doors sometimes because he doesn’t know how to help you. It’s also possible, in his raising, that he he thinks he will teach you weakness if he shows vulnerability in front of you and admits that to you. It’s also possible that he’s just a jerk…I don’t know.

What I’m trying to say is this…you can’t change your dad. You can’t change others around you. As a matter of fact, the only real power you have is to change who YOU are and how you allow the outside world to influence you. Right now, at your young age, you have unknowingly given that power over to those who damage you. You can take that back brother. It’s a power that you and you alone can only truly possess. If others have the power over you to drive you into a frenzy, then it’s a power that you have given them. They can’t take it. You just have to figure out within yourself, and realize how special and unique you are, the proper road to reclaiming that power over yourself, for yourself. It’s yours.

I’m here anytime you need to unload brother, and I could give a shit less about status or what light others hold me in. As an older adult (now 42) that has had to overcome his own demons, I get it. I wish nothing more for you than to see you take control of your self. Your own emotions. Your own fears. Your own life. I believe that you can do that. I believe that because I have lived it. You can too.

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Wow… I read you’re story, that’s horrific… if I could reach out through the screen to give you a hug I would…

It just goes to show how different people react to situations. My situation is comparatively far milder as I never had serious familial conflict, yet a mere stipulation/rememberence or thinking that I’ll have to go through all that again triggers a panic attack of ungodly proportions (same goes for talking about it all in detail, I’ll tear up and freeze… I never talk about everything that happened in detail or chronological order)

I’ve told perhaps two people, recently told mother all the details… very slowly as to avoid freaking out

My family is very supportive of me. But my father was raised in a very tough neighbourhood by very tough, gruff, South African parents at the time. He lost his father young and thus doesn’t know how to express concern beside… being a dick, especially if he feels helpless within relation to the situation. I’ve heard him pacing around talking to my mother legitimately sounding very concerned for my wellbeing… he’d never show such concern directly towards me, but I know he cares. He is an asshole to me sometimes though. We clash quite a bit, but I never shout at him or express outward disrespect as he is my father (doesn’t stop him from shouting at me though… sometimes for the most trivial of reasons too)…

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I really appreciate the sentiment brother. Truth is, I’ve found out (at least in my own life) that as bad as things seem sometimes, when you get to the other side of it you really get to see how strong you are compared to how strong you thought you were.

In all reality my life wasn’t the greatest, but the truth is that there are those who had it far worse than me. I wouldn’t trade one second of it honestly. I’m a person that can hold his head high as an adult now, and all of that bad shit had its own role in that. If things had been different growing up, I may not have met my wife, or had two beautiful boys, or had the driving force to do something as drastic as getting the hell out of my home state.

What I’m saying is, that you can’t know while in you’re in the middle of adversity just how it’s going to shape and mold you in the distant future. That can only be seen in hind sight. You will have great hindsight someday man. I know it.

You kind of remind me of the apprentice jeweler who didn’t understand the ways of the old man he was learning from. It’s a story that kind of brings to light what God is doing in our our lives. I don’t know if you believe in God, but even if you don’t there is something to be had from the story.

This young apprentice walked into the back of the old jewelers shop one day, and saw the old man staring into a pot of melted gold. Curious, the apprentice asked, “how long does it take to melt the gold to the point where we can pour it into the mold?” The old man answered, “as long as it takes.” Now the apprentice was new to the craft, but his common sense logic was telling him that once the gold was liquified, it should be ready to pour. He also had the fleeting thought, because he had read in the jewelers handbook, that if you heat gold for too long it can be ruined.

This thought started permeating the young mans mind as he watched the elder turn up the heat and gently keep stirring the pot. Starting to panic, the apprentice shouted, “you’re going to ruin that gold sir! Please, let’s pour the gold now so it can be a beautiful ring for our customers, instead of a molten mess that has to be thrown out!”

The old man chuckled a bit, and turned his eye slowly to the apprentice and said, “it’s not quite ready son.” Even though the apprentice knew that the jeweler had wisdom beyond his own years, the thought of ruining the gold still stood in the forefront of his mind. Pleading again, he was met with the same response from the old gold master.

Finally giving in to the fact that he would not change the old jewelers mind, the apprentice asked, “well how do you KNOW when it’s been heated enough?” The jewelers eyes lit up suddenly and turned to face the young man. “That my young apprentice, is the right question! You see, gold is the purest element know to man, but it has been tainted by all the years of lying in the dirt and sand, and all of the hands that have processed it and defiled it from the time it was at rest until arrived in my shop. Son, the heating of the gold is not only to make it where we can pour it. It serves a much greater purpose. It serves to purify the gold back to the state where it was when it was created.”

Now somewhat confused, the young apprentice asked, “How will you know when it is pure?” The old mans eyes narrowed into a stern look about his face. He put his arm around the apprentice and directed him to look into the melting pot. He his voice, almost a whisper, formed the words in a soft, yet very strong tone. “My son. This gold is pure, when I look into this pot, and I can see my own reflection.”

You see, we are the gold, and to some degree, the apprentice. We are being molded and shaped into something much greater than we ever thought we could be, and more pure than we could ever be without the adversity. Hope this makes sense…

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