hey @aldebaran
I feel like I have been through both of the situations you mentioned, so I’ll offer my perspective.
I’ll address the first part, wanting to text your ex, with the premise that I have no information about what your relationship was like, or what she is like.
And that’s okay, because the issue you raised is probably about you, not her. I don’t know how long ago the two of you broke up.
If it hasn’t been long, then I’d say that in most cases it’s normal to miss her, especially if your relationship with her was long-term and a very important part of your life.
Otherwise, you need to ask yourself what exaclty it is that you’re missing about her. Introspection can be key to moving on and getting closure with something that doesn’t belong in your life anymore.
For me, it was mainly two things:
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I kept thinking about what I had screwed up and how I could’ve acted differently, possibly resulting in my relationship not ending. I kept blaming myself, because I thought back of those times and I felt like I was the one who, day by day, slowly ruined my own relationship. In that instance, I wasn’t missing my gf as much as I was missing those times in which I hadn’t yet had to face the fact that the one who took her away from me was, well, me.
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I was scared that “I wouldn’t find another girl,” and, that if I did find one, “she wouldn’t have had [insert trait here], unlike my ex”. In short, I was afraid I would never find any better. And I had this exact feeling as each of my relationship ended. And every time, I ended up finding better, on top of becoming a better person myself. It’s okay to be worried about the future, but remember that as you’re worrying, the future doesn’t exist yet. You’re spoiling your present for something that doesn’t exist yet, and might never come to existence the way you’re imagining it in your head right now. If now I think about all the times I cried and spent sleepless nights thinking about how I had screwed myself over, it feels like a very distant memory and I realize maybe I shouldn’t have worried that much.
But I didn’t just worry. I acted. Figure out what you did wrong in your relationship, and use that as fuel to become a better person for the next one that’ll come.
If you text her now just to act on that feeling of sadness and nostalgia you have right now, you’ll be a slave acting due to fear. You might get her back (depends on a lot of things like why you broke up), but it’ll only serve to make things worse when you eventually break up again (might not happen, but it might also happen) and in the meantime you haven’t fixed yourself and only got even more attached to the ideal of your relationship with her that you have in your mind.
tl;dr: make yourself a better person. See a therapist if needed (it helped me). Fix those traits about yourself you know are toxic. Chances are the person you were with had nothing special, but rather you’re now idealizing the relationship with her and it’s making you feel like you are absolutely missing something. Most likely, what you’re missing can be found within yourself and not another person.
As per the sleep problem: melatonin didn’t help me either. 5-htp didn’t either, nor did glycine. After almost three years of dealing with anxiety-related sleep problems, I went to a psychiatrist and got a prescription for benzodiazepines. Arguably, not the most optimal path, but I tried lots of things and none worked consistently.
I’m not necessarily suggesting you start taking meds right away; it might be a temporary problem. Here’s something else that I found effective at dealing with the anxiety that came with not being able to sleep (which in turn also helped with falling asleep), which sometimes proved more effective than the meds themselves:
Focus on being okay with not sleeping. Pay attention to how you feel the next day? Can you function normally even with only a few hours of sleep? Most likely, you’ll find the answer is yes. Use this notion to remind yourself, whenever you’re lying in bed unable to sleep, that this is only temporary. You’ll eventually wake up to a new day and you’ll go about your life normally. When you eventually start catching yourself tired during the day, power through. Finish what you’re doing. If you can get a nap during the afternoon without detriment to your tasks for the day, all the better. Teach your body to deal with the fact that, even if you get a few less hours of sleep, you’re gonna be alright.
Pay attention to the thoughts that keep you up at night, analyze them but don’t get dragged in emotionally. Then focus your attention on what you’re going to do the next day. Have a goal and figure out how you’re going to achieve it. Stay positive no matter what. The feeling of not being able to fall asleep is rough the first nights, but you’ll eventually get used to it. That way, you’ll break out of the vicious cycle in which you’re afraid of not sleeping, and as a result anxiety arises and you actually can’t sleep. You’ll become more comfortable with that feeling and eventually you’ll learn how to deal with it and fall asleep anyway.
This is all I can recommend without any additional info. Disclaimer: most of what I wrote stems from my own experience with similar problems. Your mileage may vary. I’ll be happy to offer some more of my perspective if you have more questions.
Good luck.