Hey boss,
I hesitate to say to much only because I have NO confidence I am healthy lol. I know what works for me, I know what I’ve done and how I react, but I’m not here claiming I know why I react certain ways or if my coping is gonna give me a heart attack at 50.
You know my background, half my career I did the same thing as you. The other half was a bit more tactically focused, and while I had a few dicey situations, nothing to make a movie about.
My response is almost two part. First, I do get a reaction to loud situations. Both on a vocal level, or just a high stakes level. I tend to thrive under stress. I don’t mean that as a boast, it’s an odd response when you think about it. When people are panicking is when I feel “exhilarated.” Definitely it’s a fight or flight response, but I think I’ve become so comfortable in the state that the adrenaline dump feels almost calming. I don’t panic easily, I don’t start to hyperventilate, I’m known pretty well as a guy who keeps his head cool when things get hard.
Now on the other hand, I am NOT good at calm situations. If there’s a chance of death or serious bodily injury? Calm as a cucumber, thrill down my spine, start grinning and find everything mildly humorous. Send me a notice that my registration needs renewed? The pit of my stomach drops out. I feel an almost existential dread, that my initial reaction is to either run away from the problem, or to try attacking it with the same intensity I would have coordinated TLAM strikes.
Now, I have my theories about this. Part of me thinks I’ve spent too much time in high pressure, and now can’t really grasp low pressure. Like, my mind is applying the stress response of high pressure to low pressure situations, because my mind is frankly just more used to high pressure than low. Similar goes to the sense of almost panic I feel. I know how to handle an adrenaline dump in a serious situation. I feel at home in the midst of a storm. I got no fucking idea how to renew my registration lol. (Before I get slack for this, I’ve never lived in a state more than 3 years, it’s a new damn process every move and I’m sick of it.)
I also think there’s some genetic component to all that mess. So far as I can remember, I’ve always been like this, even pre-service. Maybe it’s just exacerbated a bit, but high school me and was an almost pathological procrastinator on all school work, but also the backbone of the team if we were down in the 4th. Going slightly more meta here, I feel like there are a lot of personality traits that may be labeled “problematic” or “maladjusted” that from an evolutionary perspective were simply useful for some members of the species to have. Do you want every dude to thrive under high stress? Nah, society would prolly become dysfunctional almost immediately. But do you want SOME of the members of your community to turn it the fuck on when things get hairy? In my mind, yes.
Man it could be physiological, it could be a trauma response, or you may just be wired a little different. No one on the internet, best of intentions or not, is gonna be able to really nail which it is, you gotta get a doc if you wanna differentiate.
As for what I do about it? Well, a combination, and I am NOT saying to emulate, just being honest. First, and probably my healthiest, I chase artificial stressors. NOTE I DO NOT MEAN I SELF DESTRUCT TO FEEL STRESS. I swear I’ve seen too many guys go that route. For me, this mainly comes from picking up challenges. Do a strongman show, climb Kilimanjaro, win the command wide wrestling tournament (well, try to anyway. Didn’t realize another LT wrestled for Missouri, got my ass beat lol). I find a thrill seeking behavior, an adrenaline inducing behavior that can be controlled in a relatively safe environment, and then I let loose. Personally, I find I need a few just full on flight or fight moments a year, maybe exert 8-12 weeks, and I feel better. If I don’t give myself that outlet, then I feel like I still get the same adrenaline response, but in an inappropriate situation such that it almost presents like anxiety.
Now, that’s the first and probably healthiest way I handle it, but I’m not gonna stop there and pretend to be some well adjusted saint. Second way I think I handle this is a mix of religion and philosophy, which I don’t know actually helps me “handle” anything, but helps me come to peace with it, if that makes any sense. Stoic principles are useful when your body reacts outside of your control, Nitsche can show the beauty in fighting for purpose when life seems purposeless, Catholicism shows paths to forgiveness and redemption. I don’t think any of these have changed me in regards to stressful situations, but they have shaped how I view my own response. One big aspect of that, more me, is how I respond in the moment. Honestly, not an issue for high stress, that’s me at my best. But low stress? When my hearts racing and my hands shake and I can’t figure out why the edges of my vision are fading? Yeah, that’s stressful. And I want to freak out. But I don’t. Because this response is some sciencey chemicals in my meat suit acting out of whack, and I am a man, so I can control my response. (Look, I did say this was just my response, i ain’t saying it’s healthy). That took me a bit to do to be honest, had some regrettable moments as a younger man. I think on the whole I handle things better now, but on those rare occasions when I just get an adrenaline dump out of nowhere that I can explain, I’ve gotten to the point where I can look at my wife and just say “hey, I love you, I need 5 minutes to politely freak the fuck out on my own.”
Now onto straight up negative ways I handle it that you shouldn’t do, but you should be aware of because it’s too easy to fall into. One, I’ll escalate little problems into big ones. Maybe I’m not emotionally able to handle small stressors. But my body knows how to handle big ones. So, all ya gotta do is make your tiny problem bigger, and boom you’ve got it under control.
Yeah, don’t do this. I try hard not to do this. It’s painfully easy to fall into this pattern if you aren’t looking out for it. Even if it may work for you (and I admit, it did kinda work alright just for me) it definitely makes life hell for everyone around you. If I’m gonna be a miserable bastard that’s my business, but I’m not gonna let it affect those around me.
And then I’m gonna just say it because it’s the universal vet solution and we’re all full of shit if we don’t recognize the elephant in the room. I drink. Not often, a few times a year at most. No, it’s rare I’ll drink “medicinally.” And not too crazy about excess. Normally 2-3 Old fashioneds is just enough to quite whatever part of me needs to do to sleep. I’m not telling you to drink or not to drink, you’re a grown man and you can make your decisions, but I don’t I will say that there’s a world of difference between “I’m having Xmas with the in-laws, I can feel that pit in my gut that somethings coming, I’ll take my father in law up on that second drink to help cool my nerves” and “I crack open the bottle as soon as I walk in the front door so I can kill my nerves before they come down from work.” Don’t fall into the latter category.
This is a lot of rambling, and I’m not sure if it’s helpful or not, but wanted to give my thoughts. If you wanna talk more feel free to text me or respond here, I’ll make sure to check both.
