Man! I love kids! They give us the perfect opportunity to really laugh at ourselves and the degree to which we take so many things for granted. Their innocence betrays our “more mature”, adult notions for the pile of junky assumptions they most often are… Y’know the ones that come crashing down with the inevitable volley of "Why"s?
Yeah, when I start to think that the world is getting dull, I’ll probably have a kid and re-experience that selfless sense of wonderment again–it’ll be fun to have to re-learn everything. As for right now, my mind is still getting blown-up on a regular-enough basis to suit my purposes.
It’s a shame to feel shame, but I guess “owning” a four old wouldn’t be half as exciting if there wasn’t the omnipresent threat of embarrassment or shock looming over you in the first place.
[quote]Jimmy Tango wrote:
It’s a shame to feel shame, but I guess “owning” a four old wouldn’t be half as exciting if there wasn’t the omnipresent threat of embarrassment or shock looming over you in the first place.
These stories are hilarious.[/quote]
Absolutely true!
For all the embarrassment kids throw our way, they’re fantastic. Lots of fun.
[quote]Gothic77 wrote:
Jimmy Tango wrote:
It’s a shame to feel shame, but I guess “owning” a four old wouldn’t be half as exciting if there wasn’t the omnipresent threat of embarrassment or shock looming over you in the first place.
These stories are hilarious.
Absolutely true!
For all the embarrassment kids throw our way, they’re fantastic. Lots of fun. :)[/quote]
Without a doubt. My son has given me a whole new side of life. He’s a trip.
[quote]Gothic77 wrote:
HoosierFan wrote:
And then came this: “I’m glad I’m a girl because I don’t want one of those.”
What is it about 4 yr olds and their blatant lack of brain-to-mouth filter??? LOL!
Mine asked me, “Mom, what’s wrong w/ [2 yr old friend]'s penis?” She’d seen his mom changing his diaper and that prompted the question. In front of the child’s mother.
The 2 yr old friend is circumcised, her 5 yr old brother and daddy are not.
She just kept going on about it! I couldn’t just give her a simple answer! Kid wanted detail! What’s circumcision? Why do ppl do that? Why is [friend] like that? Why did his mom make that decision? But WHY?
Jeez, kid, let it go, please. Talk to me in a few years. I’ll make you an activist all you want, just, shhh![/quote]
My 2 year old doesn’t talk much yet, so no stories so far.
I recall a conversation I had with my mother at ~6 yrs old…
Me: “Babies come out of womens’ bums.”
Mum: [indignant] “No they don’t!”
Me: “Well, where do they come out of then?”
Mum: [embarassed silence]
My brother Frank and mother are riding in a taxi. The taxi driver is very fat - and in fact has rolls of fat on his neck up to the back of his head.
Frank: He’s got a fat head.
Mum: [silence, hoping Frank will be quiet.]
F: I said, he’s got a fat head.
M: [silence]
F: [louder] I said, he’s got a fat head!
M: Shhhh!
F: I SAID, HE’S GOT A FAT HEAD!!!
It’s at this point that the rolls of fat start jiggling as the taxi driver laughs.
I have two instance of child hood innocense. My little girl is four. One day while driving through the country we had to stop at a stop sign, as I proceded through the intersection my daughter noticed two cows, unfortunately one was mounting the other. She asked me what they were doing, I told here the only thing I could think of, I told her the cow on the bottom had run out of gas and the other cow was pushing her to the barn.
A while back I was in the shower and I had just stepped out of the shower when she came running in to go to the bathroom. She sat down and did her business while I tried to cover myself. After she was done she looks at me straight faced and asked me, " daddy why do you shave your head and your face but you don’t shave your weiner?" I was mortified, where does a four year old come up with this?
My little boy is in the process of toliet training, he just turned two Sunday. Anyways while fighting with him one night on the potty I mentioned to him he need to hold his dick down so he didn’t potty on the floor. I never thought he would’ve picked it up. He goes in the living room after putting on his pull-up with his hand in this pants. His mommy asks him what he’s doing, he tells her he’s playing with his dick.
Absolutely hilarious, you should’ve seen the look on my wife’s face
Same guy whose daughter crapped in the Sears display toilet… she was apparently out lifting her dress for passers by, while her dad and a buddy were having a beer in the garage.
His son comes into the garage, and with a disapointed tone in his voice says,
[quote]The3toedSloth wrote:
Same guy whose daughter crapped in the Sears display toilet… she was apparently out lifting her dress for passers by, while her dad and a buddy were having a beer in the garage.
His son comes into the garage, and with a disapointed tone in his voice says,
“Dad, Cindy is showing her 'gina again”
|/ 3Toes [/quote]
Quite a handful I would say—may want to keep an eye on her when she gets older!
My little boy is in the process of toliet training, he just turned two Sunday. Anyways while fighting with him one night on the potty I mentioned to him he need to hold his dick down so he didn’t potty on the floor. I never thought he would’ve picked it up.
He goes in the living room after putting on his pull-up with his hand in this pants. His mommy asks him what he’s doing, he tells her he’s playing with his dick.
My daughter just turned 23 and is getting ready for vet school but raising her and spending time with her is the greatest thing I have ever done or ever will do. Period.
She and I were grocery shopping in the local store and I couldn’t find something…butter I think. She was about 3, sitting in the basket, chatting away, blonde hair, blue eyes, cute as hell.
The sales clerk walks up and asks if I need help. Jessica starts to do the “Ummmm…ummmm…ummm…” noise like she has something to say. When the clerk leans down to listen she looks the lady right in the eye and says “My daddy has a small penis.”
End of shopping trip. No comeback for that but I did go home and smack her mom!!
Another time, Jess is just crawling, 8-9 months, she heads for the cat who is laying by the wood stove, minding his own business, happy as hell. She grabs him by the tail which she did all the time but he was such a mellow dude he didnt even move. Cool kitty.
I thought she would just drag him like usual but she lifts up the tail, points her index finger and rams it in his ass all the way to the last knuckle!!! Poor damn cat hit every wall in the house before he made it out the kitty door to the garage. I don’t think he ever walked with his tail up again.
Wouldn’t trade those days or the memories for love nor money!!
[quote]Jimbob wrote:
I thought she would just drag him like usual but she lifts up the tail, points her index finger and rams it in his ass all the way to the last knuckle!!![/quote]
So that’s where she got her desire to be a veterinarian, then?
[quote]Jimbob wrote:
The sales clerk walks up and asks if I need help. Jessica starts to do the “Ummmm…ummmm…ummm…” noise like she has something to say. When the clerk leans down to listen she looks the lady right in the eye and says “My daddy has a small penis.”
[/quote]
Ok, why would your wife say something like that in front of your daughter?
All this kid talk reminds me of the Family Guy episode where Stuey hangs from Annika Sorenstam’s “wang” and hollers:
I knew it!!! She’s a fraud!
My Dad had an incident with my brother’s toddling daughter. He was in the shower and she wandered in the bathroom asking for his immediate attention. He, thinking something might be wrong quickly adjourned his shower, grabbed a towel and began to dry off explaining to her “Papa will be out in a minute…”
Only to have her swing open the shower door, look, point up at his junk, and say “tickle tickle!!”
My brother promises to break that story out at her sweet 16, I can’t wait.
[quote]nephorm wrote:
Jimbob wrote:
The sales clerk walks up and asks if I need help. Jessica starts to do the “Ummmm…ummmm…ummm…” noise like she has something to say. When the clerk leans down to listen she looks the lady right in the eye and says “My daddy has a small penis.”
Ok, why would your wife say something like that in front of your daughter?[/quote]
Good question. My wife swore it did not come from her. At that age it could have come from anywhere…daycare, other kids, TV, bad apple juice…lord only knows.
The little buggers will make you shake your head in wonder at what comes out of their mouths. Just reading this entire thread is proof of that.
