[quote]The_Senator wrote:
I see no problem with using a laptop on the toilet or peeing in the shower[/quote]
what about eating a foot long sub while taking a shit?
[quote]Sosruko wrote:
Tried to suck myself off…again…[/quote]
do or do not, there is no try.
I jumped off a tree at the river and landed on my ass. Water then shot up said ass and burned like hell.
Not too long ago, whilst in the bottom position of a squat, I felt something fly out of my ass. I thought I had shat myself for everyone to see. Turns out I had just forgotten to take out my rubber Shaquille Oneil fist from earlier. Silly me.
[quote]Iron Dwarf wrote:
LankyMofo wrote:
Iron Dwarf wrote:
Once I jacked off in the tropical Caribbean waters of Turks & Caicos… 10 yards out from the beach.
I discreetly drew a dick in a bouquet of flowers for a Yellow Pages ad I pasted up for a florist. It went to print unchecked. lol
Lol, do you still have it? I wouldn’t mind seeing that.
LOL
Nah, Lanky… that was 24 years ago. I wish I had saved a copy though.
In a related story back in the 80s, another illustrator was hired to draw art for a full-page newspaper ad for an upcoming outdoor fair event. He was instructed to fill the entire page with fair activities, games, concessions, people, etc, (similar to Where’s Waldo). Well he completed the art and the client loved it! It went to press and thousands of people saw the ad (including children).
However, it turns out the artist took the liberty of “hiding” in random spots of the drawing several couples of people in various sex acts! LOL When the complaints from readers started rolling in, the artist was sued and hasn’t been heard from since.
lol
[/quote]
hahahaha
I helped my little brother (who was in the student council) design a powerpoint for his high school televisions for a fruits and vegetables campaign. I made it so the banana and the two apples made a penis and two orange and two cherries made boobs. It passed unoticed trough the professors verification.
there it is
[quote]OrcusDM wrote:
My girlfriend dumped me three weeks ago, told me she’d been cheating on me with my friend for over a month.
I’m gonna do her best friend this weekend.[/quote]
Skip the best friend. Go right for the mom. Doesn’t matter what she looks like. Thats a dagger that just keeps cutting the bitch until the day she dies.
[quote]Xab wrote:
I sometimes think about myself lifting when I masturbate. I love it that much.[/quote]
I sometimes think about Xab lifting when I masterbate. I love it that much…wait, what???
[quote]BrownTrout wrote:
OrcusDM wrote:
My girlfriend dumped me three weeks ago, told me she’d been cheating on me with my friend for over a month.
I’m gonna do her best friend this weekend.
Skip the best friend. Go right for the mom. Doesn’t matter what she looks like. Thats a dagger that just keeps cutting the bitch until the day she dies. [/quote]
That sounds like a better plan, and I have the mom’s number. However, how well does threesome with the two of them work?
[quote]vatchev wrote:
I like the smell of my own fart.[/quote]
Everybody likes their own brand.
[quote]LankyMofo wrote:
And this by far is the hardest thing I think I’ve ever had to do
To tell you, the woman I love
That I’m having a baby by a woman that I barely even know
I hope you can accept the fact that I’m man enough to tell you this
And hopefully you’ll give me another chance
This ain’t about my career
This ain’t about my life
It’s about us
Please
[/quote]
^ Usher!!! xD
One time I was fucking my ex “doggy” style, and it slipped out (lol.) I went to put it back in, but I was in the moment so I didn’t realize that I jammed my cock in her ass. For a slight second I wondered why it felt so tight, I look down and seen that it was in her ass instead of her vagina. She jumped like 5 feet into the air and was crying for like 10 minutes. That day I, became a man.
Ps. that was a true story. 
[quote]BrownTrout wrote:
OrcusDM wrote:
My girlfriend dumped me three weeks ago, told me she’d been cheating on me with my friend for over a month.
I’m gonna do her best friend this weekend.
Skip the best friend. Go right for the mom. Doesn’t matter what she looks like. Thats a dagger that just keeps cutting the bitch until the day she dies. [/quote]
OMFG!! HAHAHA!!! Brilliant!!!
[quote]Liv92 wrote:
LankyMofo wrote:
And this by far is the hardest thing I think I’ve ever had to do
To tell you, the woman I love
That I’m having a baby by a woman that I barely even know
I hope you can accept the fact that I’m man enough to tell you this
And hopefully you’ll give me another chance
This ain’t about my career
This ain’t about my life
It’s about us
Please
^ Usher!!! xD
One time I was fucking my ex “doggy” style, and it slipped out (lol.) I went to put it back in, but I was in the moment so I didn’t realize that I jammed my cock in her ass. For a slight second I wondered why it felt so tight, I look down and seen that it was in her ass instead of her vagina. She jumped like 5 feet into the air and was crying for like 10 minutes. That day I, became a man.
Ps. that was a true story.
[/quote]
Poor girl 
I bet that hurt like nothing else.
Don’t forget when your ex confront you about doing her mom to make sure she knows her mom was better in the sack than her.
[quote]Cherrymennos wrote:
Liv92 wrote:
One time I was fucking my ex “doggy” style, and it slipped out (lol.) I went to put it back in, but I was in the moment so I didn’t realize that I jammed my cock in her ass. For a slight second I wondered why it felt so tight, I look down and seen that it was in her ass instead of her vagina. She jumped like 5 feet into the air and was crying for like 10 minutes. That day I, became a man.
Ps. that was a true story.
Poor girl I bet that hurt like nothing else.[/quote]
I bet she is fine, because it is either bullshit or he has a tiny penis.
No way a normal sized penis is “accidentally” penetrating someone’s ass without both parties noticing well before it is in.
[quote]countingbeans wrote:
Cherrymennos wrote:
Liv92 wrote:
One time I was fucking my ex “doggy” style, and it slipped out (lol.) I went to put it back in, but I was in the moment so I didn’t realize that I jammed my cock in her ass. For a slight second I wondered why it felt so tight, I look down and seen that it was in her ass instead of her vagina. She jumped like 5 feet into the air and was crying for like 10 minutes. That day I, became a man.
Ps. that was a true story.
Poor girl I bet that hurt like nothing else.
I bet she is fine, because it is either bullshit or he has a tiny penis.
No way a normal sized penis is “accidentally” penetrating someone’s ass without both parties noticing well before it is in.[/quote]
That’s beansie’s way of saying he ALWAYS notices a dick in his ass…(sorry brutha, you left yourself exposed and vulnerable)
[quote]polo77j wrote:
countingbeans wrote:
Cherrymennos wrote:
Liv92 wrote:
One time I was fucking my ex “doggy” style, and it slipped out (lol.) I went to put it back in, but I was in the moment so I didn’t realize that I jammed my cock in her ass. For a slight second I wondered why it felt so tight, I look down and seen that it was in her ass instead of her vagina. She jumped like 5 feet into the air and was crying for like 10 minutes. That day I, became a man.
Ps. that was a true story.
Poor girl I bet that hurt like nothing else.
I bet she is fine, because it is either bullshit or he has a tiny penis.
No way a normal sized penis is “accidentally” penetrating someone’s ass without both parties noticing well before it is in.
That’s beansie’s way of saying he ALWAYS notices a dick in his ass…(sorry brutha, you left yourself exposed and vulnerable)[/quote]
I’ll bend over and take it like a man… You’re right, I pretty much lubed myself up and asked for that one… haha
[quote]countingbeans wrote:
Cherrymennos wrote:
Liv92 wrote:
One time I was fucking my ex “doggy” style, and it slipped out (lol.) I went to put it back in, but I was in the moment so I didn’t realize that I jammed my cock in her ass. For a slight second I wondered why it felt so tight, I look down and seen that it was in her ass instead of her vagina. She jumped like 5 feet into the air and was crying for like 10 minutes. That day I, became a man.
Ps. that was a true story.
Poor girl I bet that hurt like nothing else.
I bet she is fine, because it is either bullshit or he has a tiny penis.
No way a normal sized penis is “accidentally” penetrating someone’s ass without both parties noticing well before it is in.[/quote]
Didn’t you read? I said I JAMMED it in there… plus condom’s have lubricant on them (not like you would know.) And both parties didn’t notice? Didn’t I just say she jumped in the air and was really crying?
- I was strangely aroused by Liv 92's anal story.
- Yeah I've been hittin the weights, but that's about it. Sloth?
[quote]Liv92 wrote:
countingbeans wrote:
Cherrymennos wrote:
Liv92 wrote:
One time I was fucking my ex “doggy” style, and it slipped out (lol.) I went to put it back in, but I was in the moment so I didn’t realize that I jammed my cock in her ass. For a slight second I wondered why it felt so tight, I look down and seen that it was in her ass instead of her vagina. She jumped like 5 feet into the air and was crying for like 10 minutes. That day I, became a man.
Ps. that was a true story.
Poor girl I bet that hurt like nothing else.
I bet she is fine, because it is either bullshit or he has a tiny penis.
No way a normal sized penis is “accidentally” penetrating someone’s ass without both parties noticing well before it is in.
Didn’t you read? I said I JAMMED it in there… plus condom’s have lubricant on them (not like you would know.) And both parties didn’t notice? Didn’t I just say she jumped in the air and was really crying? [/quote]
Honestly, the way you told the story it seemed like a delayed reaction on her part. Like you had all this time to consider some differences in your mind (like wondering why it was so tight and looking down) … I’d imagine if she were THAT surprised you really wouldn’t have time to a.) wonder ANYTHING and b.) look down to confirm that, in fact, you were in her ass BEFORE she jumped 5 feet.
Let’s just say your story is “full of holes”
I love ranch dressing…on female genitalia