So, I’ve been up all night thinking about life and figured I would ask a question on this forum. I used to drink and do drugs a lot. I was married for two years and have been divorced for two years…even though I am only 25 now. BUT I am a few months from graduating with a bachelor’s degree. I know my life has the potential to change dramatically over the next year or two.
Here is the thing…I’m at a turning point in life and am not sure what to do…or what aspects to focus on. My parents are F-ing awesome in the fact they let me live my life how I want. They also suck in the fact they never give me advice because they are down with ALMOST anything I decide because it is my life. Have no friends to turn to that I would listen to…or that could even understand my situation.
My question is: who do I turn to? I’ve never asked a question or posted on this forum, but I know from the other forums I have visited…personal items are usually a bad idea to post. Therapists usually go for some kind of “problem” I might have. Employers would be bad because I need them to know everything is going good with me. Would singing up with a University Psychological Counselor be a good bet? I do not like my major advisor, by the way. If anyone has some thoughts, advice, or past experiences to share…I would really appreciate it.
When you are 25 and have a college degree, ir is time to stop wondering who you can turn to, and start taking charge of your life.
Who does the baby chick turn to when he jumps out of the nest? From my observations, he either figures out how to fly, or learns how to land pretty fucking quick.
Are you a flyer, or a lander? At 25, it is time to stop turning to mommy and daddy. You will undoubtedly fail - just like you did with your marriage.
Your parents have already lived through the hell that is the 20’s - why piping
But what I do know is this: nobody but me knows what’s right for me. My mother thinks one thing, my father - another, but none of them know what’s right FOR ME, because they are not ME. Life is full of difficult decisions, and you have to make them all for yourself. You’re 25 now… Time to man up!
You have decisions to make right now that affect your entire future and you know the questions in front of you better than anyone here.
Examine your opportunities, research where each might take you and pick the one you like. Then do your best chasing the path.
I picture life like a wave. It begins way out in the ocean, starts rolling in to the shore and picks up momentum and volume on the way.
You are the surfer on the wave. You can feel it under you moving, pulsing even changing direction slightly. You adjust to ride with it or you crash. You ultimately know where the wave is heading but still have to ride it as it plays out for you.
It will deliver you safely to shore as long as you stay tuned in and on top of the crest, navigating the changes. Which feels as natural as trying to balance.
The difficult part is learning how to read the wave and balance, which your experiences teach you. Learn from the drugs, the divorce, your degree and observations etc, do what feels natural and don’t worry about it.
I guess it helps if you have surfed before, but you should be able to understand the gist. Of course some people can ride back and forth on a wave, do tricks etc, but they still are limited to the space the wave they are riding affords them.
I have noticed that expecting answers from an outside source is mostly the norm with people your age. I don’t like to get into generalizations but I have siblings, their friends, and coworkers who cry foul when things don’t come easy. It seems that parents are ready to jump in at the first sign of trouble make their children incapable of solving their problems.
Don’t spend too much time thinking about the mistakes you have made already. Feel lucky that you made it though and stay away from those situations that can cause a repeat.
[quote]rainjack wrote:
imhungry wrote:
rainjack wrote:
I don’t know why I seem to think it is a good idea to post when I am drunk.
Why not?
Would you have changed your post?
Not too much - but it would not have taken an hour to get it typed.
I have no fucking clue what I was trying to say in the last sentence. [/quote]
Yeah, I was wondering about that. I half-thought piping is a more hardcore variation of caning, and your sentence would go something like, “Why, piping should be put back in schools…” etc etc
Weakling you may think right now that you need to go out, find exactly what you want, get it, and when you do you will live happy ever after. To think this would be a mistake. Life is not a game of just up’s, there are also downs. There are things out of your control, that can turn your life upside down at any moment.
You could set out to do something with your hopes up, and fail. Does that mean you fail at life ? No. I really dont know enough about you to tell you what you should be focusing on in your life, but the best thing you can do is be ready to deal with things out of your control completely. Good Luck
[quote]Its All U wrote:
By the time you are 25 you are pretty much the person you are going to be.
Figure out what you want and work for it.
You cant have everything by the way. You have to make choices.
Some people are better to talk to about certain things than others. Keep good people around you and learn from them.
Read your bible, especially Proverbs. The best advice you will ever get is in there.[/quote]
I would disagree with your first sentence but otherwise you are dead on. I’m 40 and my life is continually changing. As such I have to keep learning, growing, adjusting, and reevaluating. Life is a progressive discovery of your own ignorance. The Bible is full of wisdom. I’m facing some tough times professionally and
OP, look for mentors. Look for people who have what you want and try to emulate them. Sometimes you may have to blaze your own path. Don’t be afraid to try new things and you may make some mistakes but that’s ok. Learn from them. Surround yourself with positive, encouraging, upbeat people.
[quote]rainjack wrote:
imhungry wrote:
rainjack wrote:
I don’t know why I seem to think it is a good idea to post when I am drunk.
Why not?
Would you have changed your post?
Not too much - but it would not have taken an hour to get it typed.
I have no fucking clue what I was trying to say in the last sentence. [/quote]
HAHA. This is me sometimes. Some nights it feels like I’m hunched over the keyboard writing a novel and wake up the next day and look at my posts. It turns out to be a whooping 6 sentences.
It sounds like you want someone to just tell you what to do…and it’s too bad that life doesn’t work that way. My parents are similar…they allow me complete freedom but they have faced few of the challenges I face, so I don’t exactly feel like I can take advice from them. My friends are similar…I just don’t feel like I can take advice from them.
Therapists and psychologists aren’t going to tell you what you need to do unless you’re being really dumb. What they WILL help you do is put your life out there in an organized manner so it might be easier to think about, and point out things about the situation you might not think about. How often do you just sit down and think about where your life is headed and what you want to do on your own? If you do do it, it’s probably not always in a productive or organized way…that’s what therapists will help with. Not saying they’re for everyone though…in your case it sounds like a school counselor might be better since they’re used to dealing with issues of “What the hell should I do next” kinda stuff.
Personally i’m not really a fan of the bible or turning to any religion since I think it’s just covering up the problem, but if that’s your thing it might make you happy to become more spiritual in some sense.
I like the posts I have read. Thanks for the input. I read most of the posts before work today and felt empowered. I guess I have never had anyone tell me to make my own choices before. Someone always seems to have something to add.
I agree in with the posts about the bible being full of wisdom, but I am very far from being Christian. So, the bible isn’t really something I would turn to in my situation.
I have a daughter from the marriage, and I am really afraid of moving away from her. I didn’t want to add too many details to the OP. I think the best route for me is to focus on finishing school. Once that is done, take the next step. I definitely should look ahead, but too much worrying will probably be problematic.
I never really thought that other people my age just wanted answers handed to them. Most of the things I read here really helped me think about things a little clearer. Thanks.
If you decide to confide in somone, make sure you talk to many people. This way you don’t get pulled in any particular direction. The more advices you get, the more you can draw parallels. That’s my opinion.
Similar to educating yourself about world affairs. The more you read, the better you can make up your own mind.
There’s been a lot of good advice here for you, Weakling 8.
All I have to offer a this point is:
Start taking positive control of your life NOW by changing your wussy screen name to Strong 1… or something similarly empowering.
