I’ve never been a best man but I’ve gotten married and my best man gave a speech. And I’ve given thought to what I would say at his when he gets married. Definitely want to keep it short and sweet. There needs to be a good blend of humor and affection. A brief overview about the history of your friendship and how happy you are that they are getting married yada yada. If you can, try to find an inside joke or something that is relvaent to the groom that friends and family will understand and appreciate. Something that’s funny, but not over the top. Keep it between PG-PG 13. Good luck!
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In that case, tap on your glass as usual then talk to the room like the ref does to the boxers right before the match begins. “OK folks. I want a clean fight, no hitting below the belt, etc.”.
Because you know for a fact that after a few doubles people are going to start telling each other what they really think.
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No, advice is the same. Take the higher ground, be the classy guy and let all the gossip hags squabble over the detail and problems.
You’re there to add to the event, not take away. Let them deal with their personal issues behind closed doors.
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Exactly. If anything that even magnified the “take no risks and speak only a few cliches” desire to me. If the situation is horrible and messy, take zero chances.
Thanks everyone for coming out, really happy for the couple, wish you all the best, let’s raise our glasses and have a nice evening, drive home safely.
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Based on this new information then it’s all moot since the marriage won’t last. Just be generic and boring and save the real speech for his second marriage when he’s actually old enough.
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“Okay guys I’m ×such and such× best man and we have known each other for a long time
I had a good idea about what I wanted to say in this speech but I’m going to be a little unorthodox about it now. I’ll take this time to Invite the mother of the groom AND bride up too the microphone…”
The rest of it will sort itself out
You have become the best man and family mediator all in one
Its a win win
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“Try not to suck any dick on the way to the alter!* Amirite guys???”
Done
*Blatant theft from Clerks…
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Pay a handsome stranger to put on a suit and do the following when the pastor asks for objections
“You can’t marry her! I love her and she’s carrying my baby!”
(Then he about faces and walks out of the church, never to be seen again)
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That’s diabolical haha
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This is the speech.
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This except wish the groom a safe drive home and the bride a safe drive to your apartment.
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Best advice I’ve seen so far.
These are things that me and my other buddies have joked about. They’ll be in attendance, and I know they’re secretly hoping I drop a bomb like one of those. Let me tell you, I WISH I had the balls to say something like that. It might be worth having the entire reception hate me to see the looks on my friends’ faces.
Agreed. 10 second maximum. I don’t need any face time with these people
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I cringe when it’s time for the speeches because it always turns into a bunch of rambling and babbling inside jokes and awkwardness.
I love the simple speeches that don’t elicit any emotional response from me.
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Giving a speech at a wedding is purely a formality. The groom is 21. The bride is 19. They don’t give a flying fuck if my speech is heartfelt or not; even if they do, nobody else does. I’m just some 20 year old kid who got thrown into this poorly timed and thought-out marriage.
Edit: That makes me sound mad about it, which I’m not. I’m just happy that my friend is happy, I’m not necessarily happy that he’s getting married. An interesting dichotomy for sure. I also don’t like being the center of attention, nor do I like wearing suits. So it’s going to be a long night for me until I get properly boozed up (I know you’re a cop, don’t worry, I turn 21 2 days before the wedding)
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Buddy, I’ve been drinking since I was 14. I don’t judge in that aspect. But if you get behind the wheel of a car then I feel very differently.
Eat, drink, be merry!
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Not really. No one at the wedding cares what you think/feel (sorry)
I’ll also add that if other people are giving speeches, go talk with them about what they plan to say.
Nothing more awkward than someone having to admit that their story was just told and that they are improvising or worse, just repeating the story.
And reherse your speech - yes, you’ll feel like an ass but it will come out better.
Are you a legitimate professional wedding crasher? Your advice is epic right now.
Haha I’ve been to a lot of weddings.
I think to a lot of guys, they think the wedding is a boy’s night in suits with the chicks hanging around plus some crusty family members that are invited out of courtesy.
If you think about it as all the important people in the bride and groom’s lives - potentially across their entire lives, it puts it into perspective.
No one wants to see the girl portrayed as a party girl who finally decided to close her legs infront of her grandmother or her boss.
No one wants the guy to be made out to be a bumbling loser infront of his dad.
That shit is okay in some circumstances but on their wedding night people want to see the beginnings of a family, supported by caring friends. That’s why they laugh at stories and jokes that wouldn’t even crack a smile in any other scenario.
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Not only that, the bride and groom promise to God in front of everyone important in their life that this marriage is the real deal. Peer pressure much? Haha.
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