[quote]spar4tee wrote:
[quote]jbpick86 wrote:
[quote]Professor X wrote:
[quote]SkyzykS wrote:
[quote]Phoenix44e wrote:
I think this pertains more to younger people. In my experiences it’s been the people who didn’t go to college, or really have any big desires out of high school that ended up having kids at an early age. IMO there are more less intelligent people having kids at a younger age, where more intelligent people tend to wait.
on its own standing, it is smart to wait to have children.
Also now that I’m 28 I’ve noticed this attitude that people my age have. It’s really this like “what else is there to do” perspective. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve entered into conversations…actually mostly with women, about how you have the rest of you life to be married and have children. NOW is the time to not be married or have children so you can focus on you.
Because of my stance I’ve been called anything from a baby hater, to immature, to a selfish prick. (still can’t believe how upset some women get about this) But in my opinion I think it’s more selfish to have children when you’re personal development is not at a point where it can benefit your offspring the most.
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I’ve pondered this quite a bit. I decided long ago (about your age) to wait a while. My wife and I had or son 10 mos. ago, me at 40, her at 36, both of us pretty well established in our careers and having a stable household.
It is still one hell of a challenge. Late night crying while teething, and myriad other things that come up make balancing work/home/each other/life in general very complicated. Who is going to miss work for the Dr.s appointment, plus daycare, healthcare, etc.
I don’t know that there is ever a great time to have a kid, I just wish I could have the stability of household that we have now, and the energy/resilience of my 20’s when an 18 hour day and a couple of hours of sleep were the norm.
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Agreed.
having kids when you are still a kid isn’t smart.
However, life is all about family and friends. On your death bed, no one ever says, “I wish I spent more time at work”.
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Exactly, that satisfaction with life question from the study that said people without kids are more satisfied would probably take a serious shift if you asked the same people in 40 years or so (provided they remained childless). I would think that later in life, not having children would become a huge point of dissatisfaction for most people.[/quote]
Most certainly[/quote]
The psychologist Eric Erikson developed a theory of psychosocial development that I put a lot of stock into. Erik Erikson - Wikipedia
The last two stages are of particular interest to me at this point in life.
I’ve had discussions with a very good friend and mentor to me. He has been very successful as a doctor, professor, many other aspects of life, and in a number of ways has changed the way medicine is taught and practiced in his field. He is quite happy with the way his life has gone, and looking back probably wouldn’t have done anything differently. He hasn’t had any kids, and is generally un-attached relationship wise. In the later stages he is on the good side of those continuum.
On the other hand, I also know some parents/grandparents whom have fractured relationships with their children and grand children. They may have had decent to good careers, but are living with some very heavy regret. They would end up on what I’d consider the bad side of those continuum.
I’m pretty well aware of my future career wise and although it looks good, it isn’t going to be a defining element of my life. I do, however, have a good deal of confidence in my ability to bring up my son well enough to be happy and feel content with life now and in the future. He’s at a stage where changes come fast and often. Smiling, crawling, new teeth and all kinds of little things that are amazing to witness and be a part of happen almost daily. I would much rather be known as a good father, brother, and friend than one of the best welders in the world(which I am not.).
It’s not without a little trepidation though and day to day difficulty though. I’ve hit some bumps in the road and know that there will be more, but so far it has been absolutely worth it.
I’ve actually been thinking about starting a T-Baby thread lately just to shoot the bull with all of the other guys on here about it. Maybe gather some experiential knowledge of how it is for them and what may be in store, but also to gloat a little. The kid is adorable, and ironically- THE BEST WINGMAN EVER!