Ask Moshe

Off Topic Politics & World Issues
261

[quote]DrSkeptix wrote:
There are some who call Yiddish a dead language, but so was Hebrew called for two thousand years. It has been revived in our time in a most remarkable, almost miraculous way. [/quote]

As a sabra Israeli, born Yiddish speaker, I’m just going to have to disagree with you and my wife. Yiddish was necessary in central/eastern Europe as part of the Jewish identity in the countries of the Diaspora. In Israel, not so much.

I’m primaily going by what I heard from when I was a child and what I heald now – Yiddish and Ladino were, if not banned, shunned officially in Israel.

Used to be, ban or no ban, you’d hear Yiddish spoken all the time, more out of rebellion than anything.

Now, it’s almost universally Hebrew, with noted Chasidic exceptions — and even with them, the kids speak Hebrew in preference to Yiddish, despite what the parents demand.

Hearing Russian is more common on the streets of Tel Aviv.

I think there is an art house that does Yiddish plays. Obscure.

And candidly, Yiddish has limited relevance to 50% of Israelis who are Sephardic and Mizrahim, just like Ladino has limited relevance to Ashkenazim.

The only thing “new” in Yiddish I see in mainstream culture are bodice-ripper novels written for Israeli women — and I think they are written by computer algorithm.

262

[quote]Jewbacca wrote:

[quote]DrSkeptix wrote:
There are some who call Yiddish a dead language, but so was Hebrew called for two thousand years. It has been revived in our time in a most remarkable, almost miraculous way. [/quote]

As a sabra Israeli, born Yiddish speaker, I’m just going to have to disagree with you and my wife. Yiddish was necessary in central/eastern Europe as part of the Jewish identity in the countries of the Diaspora. In Israel, not so much.

I’m primaily going by what I heard from when I was a child and what I heald now – Yiddish and Ladino were, if not banned, shunned officially in Israel.

Used to be, ban or no ban, you’d hear Yiddish spoken all the time, more out of rebellion than anything.

Now, it’s almost universally Hebrew, with noted Chasidic exceptions — and even with them, the kids speak Hebrew in preference to Yiddish, despite what the parents demand.

Hearing Russian is more common on the streets of Tel Aviv.

I think there is an art house that does Yiddish plays. Obscure.

And candidly, Yiddish has limited relevance to 50% of Israelis who are Sephardic and Mizrahim, just like Ladino has limited relevance to Ashkenazim.

The only thing “new” in Yiddish I see in mainstream culture are bodice-ripper novels written for Israeli women — and I think they are written by computer algorithm.[/quote]

But you are not disagreeing with me, but with Mr. Singer, a Nobel Laureate in Literature.
Your comments are respected, of course, but they also reflect a (historic) division of attitudes between those who live in Israel and those who do not.

263

[quote]DrSkeptix wrote:
But you are not disagreeing with me, but with Mr. Singer, a Nobel Laureate in Literature.
Your comments are respected, of course, but they also reflect a (historic) division of attitudes between those who live in Israel and those who do not.
[/quote]

Similar to how I disagree with Nobel Prize Winners PLO Chairman Yasser Arafat and Barack Obama, I suppose.

264
  1. How do Jews repent from sin?
  2. Do you want a bacon cheese burger?
  3. I’ve been to one Jewish temple when the doctor’s kid (who was on my baseball team) got bar mitzvaed. Still have the beenie. What’s up with the beenie?
265

[quote]thethirdruffian wrote:
2. Do you want a bacon cheese burger?
[/quote]

Don’t be silly. He wants sixteen tons of latkes…

266

[quote]Jewbacca wrote:

[quote]florelius wrote:
First cool thread.

A couple of questions.

  1. What are the teachings of the Ishmaelite? ( So we know what we cannot ask about haha )

[/quote]

Islam. (Mohammed was an arab, and thus a descedant of Ishmael. Hence, he is an “Ishmaelite.”)

[quote]

Speaking of the Big M, Robert Spencer has just published a book called Did Muhammad Exist?

You might want to check it out:
http://www.jihadwatch.org/2012/04/robert-spencers-did-muhammad-exist-now-available-on-kindle.html
Available on Kindle too, it seems.

back to the thread…

267

[quote]SexMachine wrote:

[quote]thethirdruffian wrote:
2. Do you want a bacon cheese burger?
[/quote]

Don’t be silly. He wants sixteen tons of latkes…

It was a serious question. Bacon cheeseburgers are awesome.

268

[quote]thethirdruffian wrote:

  1. Do you want a bacon cheese burger?
    [/quote]

A Rabbi and a Priest are riding together on the train. After some time the Priest turns to the Rabbi and asks, “Rabbi, have you ever eaten a bacon cheese burger?”

The Rabbi replies, "Yes, I must admit that one time and a long time ago I did eat a bacon cheeseburger. It violoted not just one, but two rules of kashrut: mixing milk and meat and, of course, pig.

The Priest smiled but said nothing.

Some time later, the Rabbi turned to the Priest and asked, “Have you ever made love to a woman?”

The Priest became silent and then replies, “Yes, I must admit that one time and also long ago, I broke my vows, committed sin, I did make love to a woman.”

“So,” asked the Rabbi, smiling and showing a picture of his wife, “was sex better than pig?”

269

[quote]Jewbacca wrote:

[quote]thethirdruffian wrote:

  1. Do you want a bacon cheese burger?
    [/quote]

A Rabbi and a Priest are riding together on the train. After some time the Priest turns to the Rabbi and asks, “Rabbi, have you ever eaten a bacon cheese burger?”

The Rabbi replies, "Yes, I must admit that one time and a long time ago I did eat a bacon cheeseburger. It violoted not just one, but two rules of kashrut: mixing milk and meat and, of course, pig.

The Priest smiled but said nothing.

Some time later, the Rabbi turned to the Priest and asked, “Have you ever made love to a woman?”

The Priest became silent and then replies, “Yes, I must admit that one time and also long ago, I broke my vows, committed sin, I did make love to a woman.”

“So,” asked the Rabbi, smiling and showing a picture of his wife, “was sex better than pig?”
[/quote]

Lol.

270

[quote]thethirdruffian wrote:
3. I’ve been to one Jewish temple when the doctor’s kid (who was on my baseball team) got bar mitzvaed. Still have the beenie. What’s up with the beenie?[/quote]

Cover your head so that the fear of heaven may be upon you. -Talmud Shabbat 156b

That “beanie” is a kippah (or yarmulke for the Yiddish hold outs on this thread).

While the kippah is the most common thing think of for Jewish males, and there are good reasons for the practice, it is not religiously mandatory.

It is an ancient practice for Jews to cover their heads during prayer. By covering the head during prayer, one showed respect for G-d. In ancient Rome, servants were required to cover their heads; Jews covered their heads to show that they were servants of G-d. In medieval times, Jews covered their heads as a reminder that G-d is always above them.

Any head covering will do. For example, in the gym, I wear a baseball cap. This morning, I wore one that “advertises” “Morning Wood Lumber Company” — purchased by Mrs. Jewbacca, who found it very funny.

Here’s an article re: Kippahs that is very funny:

As an aside, Jewish women do something similiar. Most married frum Jewish women typically wear very nice wigs when out in public, called “sheitel.” This is because hair is considered very intimate and for the husband only.

Other options are the tichel (the head scarf you’ve probably seen Natalie Portman wear) or just a hat like Ivanka Trump (going to shul on Sukkot in this picture) wears.

271

[quote]Jewbacca wrote:

[quote]thethirdruffian wrote:

  1. Do you want a bacon cheese burger?
    [/quote]

A Rabbi and a Priest …
[/quote]
…usually take a bike ride together on Sunday afternoons. The priest rides up to the rabbi’s house, where he finds him sitting on the steps…without his bicycle.

“So,” asked the priest, “where’s the bicycle?”

“I think someone stole it from the synagogue,” the rabbi answered.

“Ah,” answers the priest, " when one of my congregation transgresses, I read them a hell-fire sermon, and go through the 10 Commandments, and when i get to ‘Thou salt not steal,’ then one of them will come forward and confess his sins."

“OK,” said the rabbi, “I will try it.”

The next Sunday, the priest rides up, and sure enough, the rabbi has his old bicycle. “So the sermon worked?”

“Well,” said the rabbi, “not exactly. When I read through the 10 Commandments, nothing happened, until I got to ‘Thou shalt not commit adultery.’ And then…”

“And then?” asked the priest.

“And then I remembered where I parked my bicycle.”

272

[quote]DrSkeptix wrote:

A Rabbi and a Priest …
[/quote]

get into a car accident and it’s a bad one.

Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly, neither are hurt.

They crawl out of their cars and the rabbi sees the priest’s collar and says,“So your’re a priest. I’m a rabbi. Just look at our cars. There’s nothing left but we are unhurt. This must be a sign from G-d. G-d must have meant that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days.”

And the priest said, “I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from G-d.”

And the rabbi said, "and look at this! Here’s another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of Mogen David wine didn’t break! Surely G-d wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune. And so he handed the bottle to the priest. The priest said he agreed, took a few big swigs, and handed the bottle back to the rabbi.

The rabbi took the bottle, but didn’t drink at all. He put the cap on, and handed it back to the priest who had another swig.

The priest asked, “aren’t you going to have any?”

To which the rabbi replied, “No . . . I think I’ll just wait for the police.”

273

what is the Jewish stance on premarital sex?

274

[quote]Jewbacca wrote:

[quote]DrSkeptix wrote:

A Rabbi and a Priest …
[/quote]

get into a car accident and it’s a bad one.

Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly, neither are hurt.

They crawl out of their cars and the rabbi sees the priest’s collar and says,“So your’re a priest. I’m a rabbi. Just look at our cars. There’s nothing left but we are unhurt. This must be a sign from G-d. G-d must have meant that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days.”

And the priest said, “I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from G-d.”

And the rabbi said, "and look at this! Here’s another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of Mogen David wine didn’t break! Surely G-d wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune. And so he handed the bottle to the priest. The priest said he agreed, took a few big swigs, and handed the bottle back to the rabbi.

The rabbi took the bottle, but didn’t drink at all. He put the cap on, and handed it back to the priest who had another swig.

The priest asked, “aren’t you going to have any?”

To which the rabbi replied, “No . . . I think I’ll just wait for the police.”[/quote]

That’s supposed to be an Irish priest.

276

[quote]pushharder wrote:

It might very well have something to do with rabbis and priests, I reckon.[/quote]

In jokeland at least, the priests and rabbis seem to hang out together a lot, often with a Frenchman or a horse in bar. I suppose it’s because the priest and rabbi know all the good gossip.

In seriousness, the joke (not “that” joke, but “the joke as a concept”) is very much part of Jewish culture. We always sat down at dinner. First thing after the formalities was a joke told by my father, most often involving “Moshe and Shlomo” (think Skipper and Gilligan), two often dim-witted Jewish guys, a rabbi and a priest, etc. Clean jokes, unless mom wasn’t there, then they were dirty jokes. (He’d tell the good ones when she got up for something.)

Dinner at any friend’s houses was exactly the same pattern.

I think this joke-telling tradition is why you historically saw Jewish dominance in Vaudeville and stand-up comics for so long.

The Jewish equivalent of “your mamma’s so” jokes, I guess.

Each kid was then required to tell one thing new they learned that day. If we didn’t have something (or it was deemed unworthy by my father), we had to go to the old encylopedia set we had and find something new.

I repeated this pattern with my daughters.

When they come home now, they get mad if I don’t have a joke, and I can’t stop them from telling me what they have learned.

277

[quote]Jewbacca wrote:

[quote]thethirdruffian wrote:

  1. Do you want a bacon cheese burger?
    [/quote]

A Rabbi and a Priest are riding together on the train. After some time the Priest turns to the Rabbi and asks, “Rabbi, have you ever eaten a bacon cheese burger?”

The Rabbi replies, "Yes, I must admit that one time and a long time ago I did eat a bacon cheeseburger. It violoted not just one, but two rules of kashrut: mixing milk and meat and, of course, pig.

The Priest smiled but said nothing.

Some time later, the Rabbi turned to the Priest and asked, “Have you ever made love to a woman?”

The Priest became silent and then replies, “Yes, I must admit that one time and also long ago, I broke my vows, committed sin, I did make love to a woman.”

“So,” asked the Rabbi, smiling and showing a picture of his wife, “was sex better than pig?”
[/quote]

Very funny, but I don’t know if you answered the question. Also, you skipped No. 1!

278

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[quote]Jewbacca wrote:
Other options are the tichel (the head scarf you’ve probably seen Natalie Portman wear).
[/quote]

She’s my perfect woman. I would convert for her.

279

[quote]thethirdruffian wrote:

[quote]Jewbacca wrote:

[quote]thethirdruffian wrote:

  1. Do you want a bacon cheese burger?
    [/quote]

A Rabbi and a Priest are riding together on the train. After some time the Priest turns to the Rabbi and asks, “Rabbi, have you ever eaten a bacon cheese burger?”

The Rabbi replies, "Yes, I must admit that one time and a long time ago I did eat a bacon cheeseburger. It violoted not just one, but two rules of kashrut: mixing milk and meat and, of course, pig.

The Priest smiled but said nothing.

Some time later, the Rabbi turned to the Priest and asked, “Have you ever made love to a woman?”

The Priest became silent and then replies, “Yes, I must admit that one time and also long ago, I broke my vows, committed sin, I did make love to a woman.”

“So,” asked the Rabbi, smiling and showing a picture of his wife, “was sex better than pig?”
[/quote]

Very funny, but I don’t know if you answered the question. Also, you skipped No. 1![/quote]

But it is the answer, when you think about it.

Yes, I know I skipped No. 1; it will be a long answer.

280

[quote]thethirdruffian wrote:

[quote]Jewbacca wrote:
Other options are the tichel (the head scarf you’ve probably seen Natalie Portman wear).
[/quote]

She’s my perfect woman. I would convert for her.[/quote]

Ah, but as above, you would need to convert for youself and G-d. Not a woman.

And she’s married (pic related, sort of).