Are You a Fundamentalist Christian?

Off Topic Politics & World Issues
1

Top 10 danger signs (from evilbible.com):

10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

9 - You feel insulted and “dehumanized” when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the “atrocities” attributed to Allah, but you don’t even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in “Exodus” and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in “Joshua” including women, children, and trees!

6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs - though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most “tolerant” and “loving.”

3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in “tongues” may be all the evidence you need to “prove” Christianity.

2 - You define 0.01% as a “high success rate” when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.

2

lol

Good find

3

I don’t know, I was expecting better from you. The comedic value just isn’t there.

4

Oh come on, Duce…you don’t find it funny/ironic that people are sometimes judgmental of atheists, when they are atheist themselves on 9,999 of the 10,000 gods that people have created for themselves? :slight_smile:

6

11 - You have no sense of humor, and instead choose to pity those that don’t see the world exactly the same as you do.

7

[quote]pushharder wrote:
forlife, you must be one miserable creature. I feel sorry for you.[/quote]

He’s just tryin’ to peck a fight…One he will most assuredly lose.

8

Think of the most outlandish fundamentalist Christian your brain can muster and they are no less ignorant than an aggressive, vehement atheist.

9

The only one I do find humorous is the atheists knowing more about the bible.

I don?t know I was expecting some better punch lines.

Like:

You have a velvet Jesus next to your velvet Elvis on the wall.

You?ve ever literally assaulted someone with a bible.

You believe god gave you reason, but think it?s a sin to use it.

You scream ?Demons be gone!? every time someone sneezes.

You go grave digging once a week to see if the rapture came and you missed it.

You watched American Idol and felt so guilty you downloaded it to a jump drive, ground and drank it.

You drove to a liquor store straight after church and ran into 3 members from your congregation.

10

Actually, I agree with you, and said something similar to that just yesterday. Some of the most hard core atheists are just as fundamentalist in their own belief system.

I think the most honest answer is simply, “we don’t know”…but ambiguity scares a lot of people.

11

Lol, good ones Duce…I think it’s healthy being able to laugh at yourself once in a while instead of taking everything so seriously.

12

[quote]forlife wrote:
Lol, good ones Duce…I think it’s healthy being able to laugh at yourself once in a while instead of taking everything so seriously.[/quote]

When you see some of the stuff first hand, you have to either laugh or cry. I laugh.

13

[quote]forlife wrote:
Top 10 danger signs (from evilbible.com):

10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

9 - You feel insulted and “dehumanized” when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the “atrocities” attributed to Allah, but you don’t even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in “Exodus” and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in “Joshua” including women, children, and trees!

6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs - though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most “tolerant” and “loving.”

3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in “tongues” may be all the evidence you need to “prove” Christianity.

2 - You define 0.01% as a “high success rate” when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.
[/quote]

collectivist tripe!

14

[quote]DoubleDuce wrote:
The only one I do find humorous is the atheists knowing more about the bible.

I don?t know I was expecting some better punch lines.

Like:

You have a velvet Jesus next to your velvet Elvis on the wall.

You?ve ever literally assaulted someone with a bible.

You believe god gave you reason, but think it?s a sin to use it.

You scream ?Demons be gone!? every time someone sneezes.

You go grave digging once a week to see if the rapture came and you missed it.

You watched American Idol and felt so guilty you downloaded it to a jump drive, ground and drank it.

You drove to a liquor store straight after church and ran into 3 members from your congregation.
[/quote]

LOL’d

16

[quote]pushharder wrote:
forlife wrote:
11 - You have no sense of humor, and instead choose to pity those that don’t see the world exactly the same as you do.

Bet you a bucket of Surge you’d have an anal prolapse if someone posted a thread of queer jokes, wouldn’t you, chum? Everybody’s got hallowed ground somewhere, don’t they?[/quote]

You can’t bet on an event in the past.

I’m sure a list of christian-phobe jokes could be pretty funny.

18

[quote]pushharder wrote:
Bet you a bucket of Surge you’d have an anal prolapse if someone posted a thread of queer jokes, wouldn’t you, chum? Everybody’s got hallowed ground somewhere, don’t they?[/quote]

Been there done that, right here on this board. And some of them were pretty funny :slight_smile:

19

Christians put the fun back into fundamentalism. My t-shirt today reads “My God can beat up your pantheon of Gods.” It looks more impressive as I get out of my vehicle decked out with a rear window graphic of the Chistian fish eating the Darwin fish. And of course, all of my “Caution: Vehicle unattended in the event of Rapture,” “God made Adam & Eve, not Adam & Steve,” and an image of a parially formed fetus accompanied by the text “your silence will not protect you!” bumper stickers.

20

all i got to say is: fuck gay rights