None of us will know how we’re doing until they’re grown up. The end result will tell you if you succeeded.
Regardless of your parenting expectations, mercy and grace need to be part of it. Don’t always drop the hammer when they screw up (mercy) and occasionally give them positive things they don’t deserve (grace).
Edit: @Jewbacca, this isn’t directed at you. I don’t know your complete circumstance so there’s no judgment from me. My kids are 7 and 4 and sometimes their bad behavior has a cumulative effect. I’m sure it seems that I’m overreacting to a specific incident but it’s due to a series of bad incidents and I’ve finally had enough.
I know (think) you’re joking, but parents making videos of punishing their kids are so, so misguided. Again, this isn’t directed at you, I’ve just seen tons of videos, from people having their kids hold up books above their head to kids walking to the school in the rain.
The punishments themselves aren’t something I’m too concerned with (personally, besides one or two quick spankings for really heinous shit, I’m a hands-off parent, but as long as the kid isn’t hurt or psychologically damaged, it’s none of my business). It’s that the moment you film it to show others your badassery as a parent, you’ve changed the meaning of the punishment. It’s a combination of public shaming and self-aggrandizement, the former of which has been shown over and over to not be effective, and the latter of which is just douchey.
Anyways, they hate @Jewbacca right now, he’s definitely a dick in their eyes, but they’re unharmed and well taken care of - life goes on, and they’ll never talk smack to mom on a holiday again.
I am slowly convinced that the method of discipline doesn’t matter so much as
-The personal example you yourself show on a daily basis.
-Basic temperament of your child.
-The environment the child grows in.
And I think basic temperament matters the most. Otherwise parents should be able to produce similarly well-behaved children, but there’s tons of anecdotal evidence of parents with one child who behaves well having other children who are assholes.
As for whether Jewbacca did the right thing… Who knows! I am honestly more impressed by the kids for following Jewbacca’s orders after that “extremely crappy last night”. Sounds like they’re not so crappy as to disobey their parents on an everyday basis.
As the father of a (now) 31 year old daughter who I was very strict with and she grew up to be incredibly stable and happy and all the other good shit you want your kids to be…do not reward undesired behavior.
This is a lesson most parents need to learn these days. As you said, you would have been severely punished, and rightly so. Disrespect should never be tolerated. My daughter went thru her phases, mostly with her mother, and my reactions were immediate. I made sure she knew that was never acceptable and apologies were issued immediately.
Man I’m not looking forward to my kids being teens… Some good lessons in this thread though. Honestly its all a crapshoot raising kids. You can always second guess yourself, but either way its a lesson they aren’t likely to forget.
You think this but I think you likely are a great father and that you will find a balance if you actually don’t have that balance now, considering what you wrote.
My kids are only one and three years old but I think we already have a balance with the older one that I think we will continue if destructive outside social forces do not beat us.
My dad was grossly negligent and mentally ill, as some here know, and he made me fundamentally unready for the world and I don’t even think I became a complete man until my thirties. I don’t think I’m pathetic, but that arrested development is pathetic! And current trends have it that many young people are severely stunted emotionally and intellectually.
So I think parents have their hands full now. What might make a kid be at odds with his parents might be for his own good but is resented because of enormous social pressure.
Thank God my wife has highly involved parents and other family members that have serious life skills.
Life skills, particularly coping skills, are not emphasized these days.
