I am in anger management right now (court ordered) and apparently it is my daddy’s fault because he left.
[quote]apayne wrote:
I am in anger management right now (court ordered) and apparently it is my daddy’s fault because he left.[/quote]
Ahhhh…you gotta love someone (not you, bro) placing “blame” on someone else…
TB
I pick the one of the stupid people I work with and make fun of them out loud. It gets me and everyone within ten feet laughing and I forget about being mad.
[quote]apayne wrote:
I am in anger management right now (court ordered) and apparently it is my daddy’s fault because he left.[/quote]
I’m very curious about these things. How is this supposed to help?
[quote]LocoComoUnZorro wrote:
I’ll give you an excerpt about dealing with your anger, it’s called the Release Technique. Basically it works by forcing yourself to feel the emotion you want to get rid of (in your case, anger), and letting the anger build up and become so intense that you end up seperating yourself from the emotion. Then, you realize how ridiculous the emotion is, and you’re able to just let it go completely.
Here’s the excerpt:
"Lester Levinson found that people have three usual ways of handling
a feeling:
The first way is to suppress the feeling. But suppressed feelings don?t go away - they build up and fester inside, causing anxiety, tension, depression, and a host of stress-related problems. The repressed energy (or ?charge?) thesevsuppressed feelings create eventually drives you to behave in ways you don?t like or understand, and which you cannot control.
The second way is to express the feeling. By ?blowing up? or losing our tempers we relieve the pressure of the accumulated emotions. This can feel good because it puts the feeling into action - but it doesn?t get rid of the feeling, it simply relieves the pressure of it momentarily. Negative emotions may also be unpleasant for the person on the receiving end, which in turn causes more distress and guilt.
The third common way to cope with feelings is by attempting to avoid the issue by attending instead to distractions - by talking, watching TV, eating, smoking, drinking, taking drugs, having sex, etc. But despite our attempts to
escape them, the feelings are still there - and still take their toll in the form of stress.
But there is another option for handling a feeling - you can let go of it: release it, discharge it. This is the healthiest way to handle a feeling that is consuming us. We?ve all had the experience of being in the midst of an emotional explosion and then suddenly beginning to laugh at ourselves, realizing how silly or inappropriate or useless our behavior is.
Step One: Focus. First think of some problem area in life - something that is of great urgency and concern. It may be a relationship with a loved one, a parent or child; it might be your job, health or fears. Or it might simply be the feeling that you are experiencing now.
Step Two: Identify your feeling. Determine your feeling about the problem area, or the current feeling. What do you really feel? - open yourself up, become aware of your physical sensations - what word comes to mind? Determine the purest form of the feeling - for example, if you perform your releasing operations on fear, rather than hesitance or worry, you will find the results are much more dramatic and powerful.
Step Three: Feel your feeling. Let your feeling inhabit your entire body and mind. If the feeling is a grief feeling, you may break into tears; if it is anger, you may feel your blood begin to boil. That?s good - now is the time to feel the feeling.
Step Four: Individuate. Become aware of the difference between yourself, your ?you?, and what that self is feeling. When the feeling is fully experienced and accepted, there will at some point be a clear sensation that your feeling is notyou, so it would be possible to let go of the feeling. If you do not feel that it is possible to let the feeling go, feel it some more. Sooner or later you will reach a point where you can truthfully answer: ?Yes, I could let this feeling go?.
Step Five: Release. When will you let this feeling go? Sooner or later you will be
able to answer: ?I am willing to let this feeling go now?. So let the feeling go, to simply release it, if you haven?t done so spontaneously. It feels good to let it go - all the built-up energy that has been held in the body is released. There is a sudden decrease in physical and nervous tension. You will feel more relaxed, calm, centered.
Step Six: Repeat. Do you still have any of the feeling? If some of it is still there then go through the procedure again. Often releasing is like a well - you release some and then more arises. Some of our pent-up emotions are so deep that they require a number of releases."[/quote]
I rudely did not thank you for the effort you put into wrting this. Thank you.
TB
[quote]cap’nsalty wrote:
apayne wrote:
I am in anger management right now (court ordered) and apparently it is my daddy’s fault because he left.
I’m very curious about these things. How is this supposed to help?[/quote]
I agree with ya, cap’nsalty. I’ve wondered the same thing…
TB
On what LocoComoUnZorro posted:
Great post. I like the fact that this approach doesn’t try to remedy an illogical emotion like anger by rational thinking alone, which, IMHO, is bound to fail.
Nevertheless, when a person builds up anger over a period of months and years and is confronted with it regularly, it should be difficult to successfully implement the 6 step process as it is outlined above without changing the situation “on the outside”. In most cases, it will take a prolonged effort to get rid of the unwanted mental state, the length of the effort probably depending on the duration and the intensity of the anger. In certain cases, an exceptional event or incident could probably “speed up” the process, like an enlightenment or a bright idea.
Anyway, sounds worth a try…
When I start to get pissed off, I just think how good I have it:
-I’m not in a vegetative state where I can’t do anything and my life is meaningless.
-I’m not dying of starvation
-I’m not living out on the streets. If I was, it better be in a warm climate and not freezing my ass off 
-I can workout
'nuff said
I suggest you ragdoll someone. My anger management was playing 2 years of junior hockey, never a shortage of people that wanted to fight!
TB
A lot of times all the rage is just fucked up priorities and perspective. Most of the shit we go gonzo on really just ain’t all that BIG. It’s all about getting some perspective.
I don’t have the Shugs thread maybe someone else does but in all honesty I have two things I use to keep my head on straight.
a) Shugs wrote a piece on his experience with his daughter in the hospital. I read it every so often. Helps put things in perspective.
b) this is actually my number one. If you’ll remember back maybe 6 months- a year ago terrorists blew up a russian (i think) school. On the cover of the paper the next day was a 5x5 photo of a hyooooge dude ripped shirt, blood and dirt on his face, destruction all behind him and he was carrying a little boy who must have been about 8. Dead and limp and you can just see the agony and pain in his face.
I don’t know if he was a bystander trying to help, I don’t know if it was his own son but either way I BURNED that picture in my brain and I think of it and see it often. Its all about keeping your priorities straight and getting some legit perspective.
The shit I get rammed about is BIG shit to me but in reality… “this too shall pass” has yet to fail me even once.
Hey TB I feel you, good luck.
[quote]miramo wrote:
b) this is actually my number one. If you’ll remember back maybe 6 months- a year ago terrorists blew up a russian (i think) school. On the cover of the paper the next day was a 5x5 photo of a hyooooge dude ripped shirt, blood and dirt on his face, destruction all behind him and he was carrying a little boy who must have been about 8. Dead and limp and you can just see the agony and pain in his face.
I don’t know if he was a bystander trying to help, I don’t know if it was his own son but either way I BURNED that picture in my brain and I think of it and see it often. Its all about keeping your priorities straight and getting some legit perspective.
The shit I get rammed about is BIG shit to me but in reality… “this too shall pass” has yet to fail me even once.
Hey TB I feel you, good luck.[/quote]
Dude do you have a copy of this pic?
GAINER
retreat, rethink, react. Sounds silly but it saves a lot of apologising.
Self examination, meditation and prayer. Once you get to the root of the anger and understand what the supposed voilation realy offends in you, you will be better equipped to handle it with some healthy coping mechanisms.
Reduce expectations- avoid dissapointment. Thats a big one.
Worst case- go to jail a few times for bashing peoples heads in. I have. It only took about $12,000 in attorneys, a few weeks while awaiting bond release, and several years on probation to get the hint.
The other stuff I picked up in a twelve step program. There are a shitload more but I am just passing time while the old printer prints.
Gainer I have misplaced the hard copy. I’ll look for it again. That picture is permanently burned on my brain. But I’ll see if I can find it for you.
Serenity now.
I agree with mindeffer . It can be dangerous . to be volitle . Not just for the person you are angry at. You may F–k with the wrong person.
And it does sound like your personal problem
Good luck dude
I hear what everyone is saying. I have yet to go Loco on someone. SOme days it just seems so much closer to meltdown than others. Lateley moreso.
It seems that when something happens in an area it seems we can control (although in truth we “control” nothing)…and other things are happening…meltdown is a fight to keep contained.
Normally I give the “deep, cleansing exhale” (not to be cheesy, but it’s true) and most of the time it’s cool. Other times I make myself realize whats up and wind up with rationalizing what I’m angry at and notice it’s not what is in the particular situation…but other things.
It just seems that these episodes are coming more frequently. And I have no control over what the problem truly is…(unless one says it’s our perception of an issue that causes a problem)…so I must find a way to “deal.”
Thanks to everyone.
TB
Focus on your breathing is a good way to clear your mind of whats bothering you.
One of the things we westerners do is breath by lifting our chest instead of relaxing our belly like a Budda. Lifting your chest requires muscles to contract, Buddist breathing requires relaxing. A great time to practice this is when you are lying in bed ready to go to sleep. All you want to think about is focusing on the area two inches below your belly button and a long slow continuous in out breathing cycle. Nothing else. Practicing this often when you are not stressed out can prepare you for when you are.
The problem with smoking pot to calm down is it constricts your lungs and reduces your ability to control your self through breathing. Also if the source of your stress has not been dealt with you are back where you started when your buzz wears off. Drugs are a poor substitute for coping skills.
When we are young it’s easy to take on more than we should. In such a situation it’s easy to start feeling overwelmed and stressed out. Try cutting back on a few things. Find a balance.
The gratitude drill is also good. Think about the things you have to be grateful for, or count your blessings. Most of us on this board have two arms two legs, two testicles and they all work. Think about some kid who has come back from the war with one two or all three of those items missing.
Or think about some poor bastard who has spent the last 10 or 20 years in jail because his temper get the best of him for just a moment.
If you just can’t get it with gratitude try doing some volunteer work, maybe in a VA hospital or a burn ward or a jail. It really puts things into perspective when you look at someone who has less than you.
Your answer is in your question. You have already NOT snapped. Continue. I am a nice guy. Ask anyone…
People say “oh that’s just the way you are”. Quite the opposite, everything is a choice and I make the hard one by not losing it on people even when they desperately deserve it.
As I walk through the valley of darkness I will fear no evil because I am the “badest” son of a bitch in the valley.
You are who you fuck with. Save it for someone dangerous, not someone ignorant.
Good luck, we all need it.
For me it’s thinking of the consequences. Have you been to jail? Do you like the way it feels if your freedom is taken away.
When I was younger, I spent a night or two in jail for dumbshit like fighting. Well, if you have done that as well you know that’s the worst feeling to have your freedom to pick up and leave totally gone.
It’s a powerful behavior modification. If you start to aquire things in life you value like a job, house, vehicle, family, it curbs a lot of your wreckless impulses.
You will find a healthy way to deal with your anger.
Lately I’ve been finding it hard to control my rage. First off, I live in Miami. Everyone here is either an asshole or a retard. It seems like every time I go to a store either the clerk doesn’t speak English, or they have an i.q. of 40, and most of the time both.