Sounds like your experience and mine were pretty different.
I got fucked with a lot as a kid. Never learned to back down to take the hit and keep moving. I was the kid who pushed back, then got into a lot of fights over it. It only really calmed down when I publicly put down one of the football kids in front of his friends. People didnt know it, but at that time I had been training martial arts for about 6 years.
I had a big stick that I didn’t show until then.
it wasn’t until I showed it that people backed off.
Treading softly and carrying a big stick got me fucked with for years.
Treading heavily and carrying a big stick seems to have altered peoples interest in starting shit with me.
My brother was always the smallest in his group. Hung out with some genuinely HUGE dudes. His biggest friend had a similar problem. Everywhere they went there was always someone trying to prove something. Guy was a teddy bear. But he (and usually his friends ) had to defend themselves.
My point at the first question on this was that a man needs to actually be dangerous.
Being morally virtuous is commendable, but virtue on a person with no capacity for danger is like putting lipstick on a pig. Like, thats great, but you cant actually stand up for yourself, nevermind others… so that virtue means nothing.
I cant speak to what its like being a giant. I am not one.
I just look like an asshole and too much of a problem to want to deal with. There are easier targets out there.
I understand your meaning. I don’t disagree with you per se, but I think there is a bit more volatility in your perspective than mine. I find virtue and morality to be extremely important. I believe physical competence without the morality and virtue behind it to be less important than virtue without the physicality. All that said, there are so many things that go into the making of a great man, husband and father that I don’t believe it can be narrowed down to just one thing. I know you weren’t doing that, I asked a very narrow question. But I appreciate the many perspectives that I got from everyone.
Lol. Very fair point. I am by nature a pacifist. I tend to lean towards humor in difficult situations. I even get a “damn it, can’t you just let me be mad! I don’t want to laugh right now!” From my husband as he is chuckling.
In terms of being dangerous, I’m happy with the term personally, I think it’s a pithy and punchy way of saying that men should be capable of defending the things that matter most in this world, where necessary.
The asterisk there is obviously the moral teaching and values of Christianity - but those guide us in how we apply defence, and give us guidance on how we define that truly what truly matters and what is worth defending.
It’s funny you mentioned it today, as I’m starting karate with my son. I’d asked about the best self defence previously in here and boxing was recommended, did a few classes but it didn’t work practically, as it was quite a distance away. I found out that there was a karate class about 3 mins walk away from my house and so I made enquiries. Might not be the “best” choice but not letting perfect be the enemy of good here.
I’ve personally never experienced any particular physical issues that needed defending. I live in a very safe part of the UK, and violence is rare in this community - outside of school yard stuff and once having a knife pulled on me (mate was drunk and lipping off outside a club - I literally picked him up and carried him off, problem solved).
Doesn’t mean I don’t want to be physically capable myself, I want my son to be as well.
Agree wholeheartedly here.
This will also be a big part of the growing into a man role, I want to ensure he has a well rounded skill set, my dad was great, but I didn’t grow up being taught physical skills, I want to ensure that my son has those skills, even just at a basic level.
Long term plan here is to do a van conversion and have him do it alongside me, that way he’ll learn a variety of practical skills, carpentry, basically mechanical, electrical and plumbing work, power tools etc. It’ll be a lot of learning for me to. Got to get the funds for that first thought.
The journey I want to walk him through will hopefully touch on all areas of manhood, spiritual, emotional, physical, practical, employability, finances, relationships etc.
I’m sure we’ll make mistakes and won’t cover all the areas well. Fully intend to involve other men who are good role models and who have other skills I don’t have.
It’s funny you mentioned it today, as I’m starting karate with my son. I’d asked about the best self defence previously in here and boxing was recommended, did a few classes but it didn’t work practically, as it was quite a distance away. I found out that there was a karate class about 3 mins walk away from my house and so I made enquiries. Might not be the “best” choice but not letting perfect be the enemy of good here.
Depending on the style of karate, this can honestly be an outstanding choice. And yes, it SHOULDN’T be the style, it SHOULD be the school, but certain styles just plain lend to certain practices within schools in general. Kyokushin just tends to promote harder training/living than Shotokan does.
But all that said, even if it’s the most McDojoey of McDojos, there’s still a lot of value in building the habit of martial arts training, especially at a young age. I started learning Tae Kwon Do when I was 8, and it was at a school that was definitely NOT teaching us how to fight. By all accounts, we were martial LARPing. I did that for 9 years, got a Black Belt in it, and then got online, started talking with people that were learning REAL martial arts, decided THAT was what I wanted to do (because it’s what I THOUGHT I was doing the entire time I was training), and as soon as I left home for college, signed up for a school that taught boxing, muay thai, and submission grappling.
The vast majority of what I learned in Tae Kwon Do didn’t carry over, but I knew how to move my body through space, I had a good sense of balance and distance, and I was in the habit of showing up, learning new material, applying it, and training it at home. It didn’t take me long to get competent with the new stuff.
I started karate at the same time as my son but in a different dojo. The first thing they taught him was to get in the ready position, hands up, and to declare loudly, “Stop! I don’t want to fight you!”
They taught that avoiding fights was much more intelligent than engaging. Fighting was a last resort.
I thought karate was a secret. I learned that the secret was that you were/are training and sparring. A large and strong man is no match for a trained man.
As a man, I am a provider. I will crawl through broken glass to provide for my family. And I will do it without complaint or resentment, the only reward I seek is the happiness of my spouse. For me, it makes me feel like I’ve accomplished my job as a provider, and that feeling, in turn, makes ME feel happy.
A happy woman is a beautiful woman. Also true with a woman that knows that SHE is beautiful.
I will also give my short contribution to this topic:
I grew up in a pretty violent enviroment. My home was alright, but in school I discovered fast that you’re either bully or bullied. That place was a jungle filled with half-twits. I quickly learned how to fight and judge who I should fight and who to avoid (much older/bigger guys for ex.).
I think we all agree that people should be able to stand up for themselves. Physically or mentally. But that enviroment sucked as a kid.
So, surely, teach your kid some skills to defend himself, but even more important is to learn some self control. Maybe even stoicism (in classical sense). Be dangerous, but only when you can do decisions not based on your feelings but more on your rationale, you’re becoming adult.
In other words, don’t be soft, but be wise, calm and gentle as long as you can. If I can teach this to my kids I count it as a huge win.
I love this idea and often think about working on old cars or bikes with my son. At the moment he just doesn’t have the attention span to be able to do this or maybe I just don’t have the patience. Still something I would like to do with him one day though.
I think @T3hPwnisher already gave a great answer here but I’ll add another view seeing you asked.
Firstly when you ask about what is attractive in a mate I am going to assume you mean for someone who is already in a couple and we are no talking about first dates here.
I think the key thing to understand as a woman is that if we are already mates then pretty much everything about you makes you attractive. We love how you look (bumps, scars, blemishes and all), we love how you smile, we love how you laugh, we love it when you do sexy things like breath or walk past us in a room. Our devotion to you is all or nothing, its just the way we work. We chose you for a reason.
But the thing that we seek that makes you even more attractive, is acknowledgement that we exist, and to feel that we are needed, wanted or desired.
In for the follow. I like that the discussion here is broad ranging.
As a complete derail, I saw the post re. Proverbs, wondering what version youre reading there? Despite being a regular reader I am really only familiar with 2 versions.
Rushing around because I’m away for the weekend, supposed to be a full bench session, but time constraints, and not wanting to fall behind I settled for just the main mover for the prescribed work.
LP W1 W2 D8
Bench: 60, 80, 90, 105kg x 8
Didn’t change or put music on, done in about 10 mins, my wife didn’t even notice.
