[quote]Makavali wrote:
[quote]kothreat wrote:
Mom said she left him when she got pregnant because he was an alcoholic.[/quote]
[quote]Brother Chris wrote:
Bring a bottle of single malt scotch[/quote]
For serious?[/quote]
That’s hilarious.
They were teenagers, and there is maternal bias…so, have to take it for what it’s worth. Not much.
Thanks, man.
[quote]Chushin wrote:
[quote]kothreat wrote:
So, couldn’t let it go. But, talking with my my mom, she said it might be better to get in touch with a sibling. We live almost 2000 km’s from each other. I did it through facebook. Yeah, probably not the best way, but the only way I knew how. It’s been a couple of weeks. No answer. He is the eldest of the three others. I would like to hear back from him, but if not, I’ll drop it. It’s the only answer I need.
Appreciate everyones response. It’s something that kept breaking through for me. [/quote]
Can I ask why you’d start with a sib, if it’s your father that you want contact with?
I guess I think the only way to know what your father wants is to contact him directly…
A sib could decide on a different response (or lack thereof) than your father would.[/quote]
I guess it would be because I don’t care what the donor thinks, to put it bluntly. Anecdotally, you always hear about siblings seeking each other out. Personally, I’m more interested in the siblings. Honestly, I don’t really know why myself. It’s just something that I keep thinking about, can’t stop thinking about, at times. And it’s always the siblings I think about. I guess I think they deserve to know? and don’t trust his family to tell them anything.
These are tough questions, ones I’ve struggled with for years. Ones I don’t really know the answers to. Just weighed what my gut was saying, and what my brain was saying…this was the outcome.
[quote]DJHT wrote:
Have some experience in this myself. Found out when I was 18 that I had a biological father, until this time my “step-father” was who I thought was my real father. Now my “step-father” is who I really consider my dad, he raised me and made me a man. My Sperm donor killed himself when I was 4 years old. His father tried to contact me a few years back on his death bed no less. I refused any contact, he made his own choices in life and he can answer for his decisions.
My view point was I really dont care about the blood relationship, my “step-father” and his family are my real parents. My dad would take a bullet for me, my sperm donor didnt even want me in his life.
My suggestion is move on in life, all you will get out of this is some medical information. Be you own man and be a better person and father than your sperm-donor ever was. [/quote]
Good post, and from a man who has a very upstanding internet persona.
My sisters son was in the same position and was so desperate for his donors affirmation that he arranged contact. The donor meet him and then made more broken promises to maintain contact which only piled on to the rejection he felt. Kid (26)is truly messed in the head about this.
The really screwed up part is my ex BIL adopted and raised him from five to eigtheen and the kind doesn’t even talk to him because he is not his “real” dad.
Best of luck.
[quote]kothreat wrote:
[quote]Chushin wrote:
[quote]kothreat wrote:
So, couldn’t let it go. But, talking with my my mom, she said it might be better to get in touch with a sibling. We live almost 2000 km’s from each other. I did it through facebook. Yeah, probably not the best way, but the only way I knew how. It’s been a couple of weeks. No answer. He is the eldest of the three others. I would like to hear back from him, but if not, I’ll drop it. It’s the only answer I need.
Appreciate everyones response. It’s something that kept breaking through for me. [/quote]
Can I ask why you’d start with a sib, if it’s your father that you want contact with?
I guess I think the only way to know what your father wants is to contact him directly…
A sib could decide on a different response (or lack thereof) than your father would.[/quote]
I guess it would be because I don’t care what the donor thinks, to put it bluntly. Anecdotally, you always hear about siblings seeking each other out. Personally, I’m more interested in the siblings. Honestly, I don’t really know why myself. It’s just something that I keep thinking about, can’t stop thinking about, at times. And it’s always the siblings I think about. I guess I think they deserve to know? and don’t trust his family to tell them anything.
These are tough questions, ones I’ve struggled with for years. Ones I don’t really know the answers to. Just weighed what my gut was saying, and what my brain was saying…this was the outcome. [/quote]
I had a similar situation. Mom told me the “truth” when I was eighteen. I didn’t really care at the time, as the man that raised me was “Dad”, and I didn’t need the fella that didn’t want me. However, my feelings began to change when I had kids. I could see myself in them and it made me wonder more about “him”. Then, in my mid-thirties, I developed high blood pressure. The doc started asking me about family history, and it REALLY made me think. Long story short, we met and we have a cordial relationship. No big, weepy reunion, but it is nice to know him. I chimed in though after your comment about siblings. I don’t look ANYTING like the two brothers I grew up with, but I look a lot like one of his other sons. I actually hear from them more than him, and I do enjoy that relationship. I can’t quite explain your feelings there, but I do share them. Good luck with this!
DAMN IT THE EDIT DIDN’T TAKE!
Please disregard. I want to rethink my post and make sure what I am saying and addressing.
K, now I have thought about it a little more…
You owe it to yourself to find out the truth and your mother is probably not the best source for that truth. It is concerning that he lived so close and never bothered with you, but if he was misinformed on your whereabouts, or simply didn’t know. Or if he really didn’t care. My father was a huge prick and only cared about himself, so I won’t have anything to do with him, but it’s my choice.
It should be your choice too. Find out the truth. At least then you will know and not have any regret.
As pat said…put plainly, just fucking do it. If you dont you will always ‘wonder’ why not either accept and face the good or the bad whatever it may be so you can move on to whatever you may like to move onto? Stop holding onto this and do it, then react and proceed with life.
Tough situation man. My prayers for you. Take care of yourself, whatever you do.
My only contribution is to say that things can work out (at least among half-siblings). Three of my cousins (sisters) recently found out they had a sister from their father and another woman. It was a teenage romance thing apparently. NO ONE in my family knew about it, so their father, my uncle, must have been a master at hiding that from the small town they grew up in. I’m not sure how the connection happened, but they are all “friends” on FB and have all communicated by phone/e-mail/etc. They live 1000s of miles apart, but it’s one of those things that I think a lot of people “have to know.” Good luck and prayers.
Thanks everyone, for the personal stories and keeping this positive. I did contact the dude’s son, haven’t heard anything back, but if he does want to contact me I’m not expecting anything for a while. If he wasn’t aware of me, it would probably be kind of a shock. If he decides to do nothing, I think I’m fine with that. Says a lot about the guy and his family. So, I’ve done what I wanted. Hopefully it didn’t cause any unecessary strain on the kid, or his family if he chose to tell them I contacted him.