Seriously. I suspect I’ll be quoting you, Skyz.
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Yesterday I broke up with my gf.
We had yet another fight, and she said she was tired of feeling bad because of the way we were fighting. I truly wanted her yet always treated her bad.
I don’t feel like giving details at the moment as I’m just trashed. Spent the day crying and have got no energy left.
I went as far as begging her for a chance, she was crying too but said it’d be better to just move on.
I feel like nothing has meaning anymore. I fear waking up from tomorrow without her. Lately everything had lost meaning, and I was just living for the moments I could spend with her.
I talked to my parents about seeing a psychologist. Tomorrow I will post more details but seriously, I’m shattered into pieces. It was all my fault, I’m going to ruin every fucking chance people give me…
This experience will either make you better, or it will make you bitter. The choice is up to you. You can learn from it and get better, or stew on it and become a worse version of yourself.
Signed,
-The guy that chose bitter too often.
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Very impressive. Sto dicendo questo come uno che ha imparato italiano perche non poteva piu parlare quello maledetto italiano-inglese.
Sounds like a mild anxiety disorder. I had something like that when I was your age. I could have saved a lot of time and bitterness had I talked with someone qualified instead of self-medicating without realizing it.
But please, I’m just some guy from the internet and you should definitely consult a professional.
Oh yes it has. You’re 18. Fake world weariness and self-absorbed narcissism is not unusual at that age.
No you’re not. Calm down. Find a psychologist first and foremost, if not for anything else then just to be able to coherently express your thoughts and see where you actually stand. It’s much more conductive to understanding yourself that anxious thoughts running through your head while you’re lying in bed.
Also, another thing that could help you, alongside professional help, is a group physical activity. Martial arts, Crossfit, whatever… A clean start. Meet some new people, learn to function in a new setting… It will help you keep your mind of the intense personal world you’ve created for yourself and you’ll be able to contextualize your current position is the society as a whole, while alleviating anxiety and dissipating the pent up compulsive thoughts.
Stay clear of reddit as the intensely polarizing opinions probably have an amplifying effect on your anxiety levels and OCD - for example, you do some red pilling and then you cannot sleep afterwards because Eritreans and Nigerians are supposedly taking over Italy.
Again - it’s normal, many people of your age are going through similar stuff. Consult a professional and start taking things one at a time.
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Thank you! I’ll admit I was secretly hoping that someone would eventually acknowledge this haha.
That’s why I finally took the step to talk to my parents about this. My dad said he’ll talk to his friend, a psychiatrist, as soon as possible and get me with some psychologist. This is the first time I’ve actually done something about it.
I’ve heard this tens of times but I’ll admit I can’t think of some of the teens I know being so depressed about this. They seem too dumb and shallow. On the other hand, I don’t think it’s normal to suffer this much, even at my age.
When I read this my brain started to travel and I thought how I could do if I started doing karate again (done if for about 5 years up go 2 years ago). But really when it comes to sport, I live by hypertrophy training. It’s been two years since I started working out and I’ve come to fine tune everything organizing my training, nutrition, and supplementation for hypertrophy (meal prep, etc.). I’m just afraid that adding one more activity would make it harder for me to progress with my goals (I’m already not the happiest about my rate of progression).
For those who don’t know what he’s talking about: it’s a recent and common trend here in Italy to think that immigrants are slowly taking over Italy, “invading” us, and will eventually rob us of our jobs, culture, religion, and so on.
Anyway, I must say that I’m not really anxious about any of this. All of my anxiety comes from social and relational issues.
But here comes the update…
Last night, after posting the message here about my breakup, I called my dad so he could take me out for a driving lesson because I wanted to clear my mind and wasn’t feeling like going home and crying some more.
Then I get a text from my ex gf, saying that she wanted to talk to me if I was still willing to listen. She went on to say that she’d been thinking about that for the whole day, and after talking to a friend of mine (who basically told her I was shattered) she decided to give me another chance.
This kinda sorta sounds like good news. But I don’t quite think so. She said she’s confused and doesn’t really know what her feelings for me are now, although she thinks she still feels something and “all she knows she wants is to try again with me.”
This all sounds like a recipe for disaster to me, but I was so desperate I said screw it and I accepted.
Among the things she said, she pointed out that I was making her feel like she was in jail, making a big deal out of little stuff like her wanting to go out with friends instead of alone with me. And she’s right. However, I have to say that it’s really difficult for me. I’m trying hard to change this, but every time that happens I feel like she doesn’t really care about me. I asked it today we could go out, and she said, “I’ll go out with my friends. We’d already arranged for it and I don’t feel like canceling.” I mean, that’s okay but damn, after what happened, is it that big of a deal to fucking cancel and spend some time with me?
Also, she said that she’s been feeling like I only want her for sex, and I never showed her otherwise. She said that for the time being she doesn’t want to have sex because she specifically wants to see how I treat her, and wants a proof that she’s not just a pussy to fuck to me.
That’s going to be really difficult—I mean I don’t want her for sex only, but it’s still one of the most important things to me in a relationship.
I don’t know what to think. I’ve become so attached to her, and I believe it’s not because of her herself. I mean, I like her, but if she’d been another girl things would’ve gone the same way IMO. It’s like I only value the time I send with a girl rather than that with friends or family. As bad as it is, I feel like I can’t enjoy anything if I don’t know I’m “set” with the pussy. And that’s truly “putting girls on a pedestal,” which is something I’ve been trying to avoid like the plague, but haven’t managed to.
I don’t know what to do.
You are just a more inward looking individual with the propensity to think a little deeper than others. This doesn’t necessarily mean you are more intelligent(it doesn’t mean you aren’t either, just that it is inconsequential to the problems you are facing), nor does it exclude you from being dead wrong about things that you do not have sufficient information or experience in.
Do not assume others are dumb because they do not display similar personality traits. This is what stops you from trusting and seeking help from people with the relevant expertise. Many so-called intelligent people I know are losers in life because of this except for those who decide to pursue and achieve a career in academics. Don’t be one of the former.
Regarding the subject of girls, dude, at this age, you should be building the foundation for a future lucrative career. Focus your attention on that. Explore options and pick up certain skills that will set you up for it. Get into relationships, but don’t let them completely consume you emotionally. I assure you it will be the same for the other party if she’s mature enough.
Go see a psychologist or whatever for your emotional problems. Try and find counselors or proper mentors for what you should do in life. If you really possesses above average intelligence, you will be able to do this.
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I’m just going to comment on this phrase. This is a domination game the originators of this phrase are playing.
People who need to consciously avoid this usually possess certain personality traits that a lot of women find unattractive. Even if they succeed in following the guidelines these reddit “experts” have set, a long term relationship will always reveal these underlying traits. When these come to light, either the woman will lose respect for them and/or play domination games with them which typically ends with both parties losing, with the man standing to lose more financially if they are married in certain countries.
The solution is to either find the root of these personality traits and correct them or, if they are not changeable, play the long game and find a woman who will truly suit you despite these traits.
Don’t be someone you aren’t. Don’t try to dominate someone when you don’t have it in you.
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Herein lies your problem. A woman should be your partner and equal not a warm hole to put your dick in. Until you figure that out this how all of your “relationships” will evolve and you will not have a meaningful long-term relationship.
For fuck sake, don’t have any kids until you figure this out.
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I strongly believe in the fact that everything is relative. I do believe that most of my peers are more shallow-thinking than me, but as I stated in my opening post, I never thought that my supposed intelligence has really done me much good. If anything, being this “deep” has only led me to suffering and doing stupid shit.
Card to elaborate on this? I don’t really understand this part.
I know and I’m a fucking idiot. I’ve been leaving everything behind. I virtually stopped studying altogether because I can still get above average grades at school and I don’t feel like doing anything that isn’t going out and minding my fucking business.
Jesus Christ this is literally the opposite of intelligent.
And how would I go about this?
I’ve found myself to be good at it sometimes—for some reason, I’m able to completely detach myself emotionally and be ice cold (radio silence via text message and the such) but then I find myself in situations like with this girl, in which I second guess everything I do and I feel like I’ve been doing it all wrong. What the hell is wrong with me?
I don’t even know what I want. I feel like I truly want the girl, emotionally as well, I feel like spending time with her. Then sex gets taken away. I start to question everything. She thinks I’m only using her for sex and I think I’m not. But then, when it gets taken away, I can see her point based on how I feel. Again, what the hell is wrong with me?
^
^
^
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Man, have a think about what it means to be a decent man and then try to behave like that. At the end of each day have a think about how you acted and if you like and respect that person. Then change your behaviour accordingly.
This is what it means to be your own man and it’s the hardest, most rewarding thing you can do. Because EVERYONE wants you to be less than that.
The worst thing you can do is listen to what some other little cunt thinks is the right way to behave or what to do so you can manipulate others into doing what you want- that’s a snake car salesman way to live .
The second worst thing you can do is bend your values and actions to fit the shit behavior of others (unless your values are the fucked ones).
And most of all, don’t listen to any fucker who gives you advice based on their regrets or how you should be living. Seriously, that’s worse than taking lifting advice from newbs.
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Sounds good, I’ll start doing this.
Anyway I want you guys to read this:
This afternoon I saw my gf (ex, not ex anymore or whatever) and we had sex. I’m now trying to work out how I feel about the whole day. I liked how this afternoon went, and everything seemed more meaningful. Yesterday she was ice cold and now there seemed to be all the chemistry that was missing ever since breaking up. Joking with her, teasing her, and the such, were all things I just didn’t feel like doing when we weren’t doing it (and mind you I’m only taking about one day, but since she’d said that “we wouldn’t do anything for a while to find out if I was only using her for sex,” the perspective of not doing anything with her was totally killing the desire to be with her).
Then it came the time for her to go home. I’m now alone and feeling sadder and sadder, and lonely as hell. I never did any heavy drug but the way I’m feeling now is similar to what addicts describe as “the crash that follows the high.”
I felt like I was in paradise while with her, and as pathetic as it sounds, I now can’t help but feel BAD for everything.
Up until December, the evening was the time of the day when I’d just relax, maybe watch a movie or yt, get ready to sleep and then just shut down. Ever since being with her (I’m not blaming this on her, I just think I’ve an underlying problem that was triggered by starting to have feelings for her), I started to have problems sleeping (see another old(ish) thread of mine), and started feeling depressed when I’m not with her. It’s now getting worse and worse.
I also try to escape being alone at home as often as possible—up until recently, when asked by my peers (that all live with their parents and have a “normal” family) how could I not feel lonely living alone (I mentioned that I live with my dad but he’s never at home and usually sleeps at her woman’s place), I would reply that it was not a big deal at all and in fact awesome to not have anyone bothering me, but I now thing that maybe, just maybe if I wasn’t this lone, I would feel a little better even in these moments.
It’s just overwhelming, the whole thing of being dependent on her to not feel bad, as well as this feeling roller-coaster thing.
IMO, you should end this relationship and spend time figuring out what you want. Let yourself mature a bit.
There’s nothing wrong with that. You don’t have to have a girlfriend.
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That reminds me of a few people I know. They feel somehow less than and completely miserable unless they have a girlfriend.
I chalk it up to an unresolved identity crisis, but ultimately it is their problem (or not).
You need more help and guidance than can be gotten on an internet message board. If you’re smart you’ll drop this little flight of fancy and talk to a professional.
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Tomorrow I’ll have my first appointment with a psychologist.
It’s a female—I don’t really feel comfortable with this to be honest, I’d much rather talk to a man about this. I’m not even sure what to say initially.
Anyway, my gf and I broke up again, this time permanently.
For a whole week, she was being aggressive with me and almost every time we talked I felt like she wanted to fight. Ended up breaking up because I’d gone out with friends and hadn’t texted her for the afternoon. We were already arranged to go out that evening.
The very first day we’d come back together she’d done the same, disappearing with her friends for a whole day, and I hadn’t said a word. This time I wanted to know that I’d done my best.
I’d been told I was constantly making a big deal out of small stuff and similar things, so I told to myself, “I want to see how it goes if I correct this.” This time, I have no remorse. Every time she crossed the line and disrespected me, whereas normally I would’ve gotten mad, I just tried to calm her down and talk. I was way more patient than I usually am, and although I don’t like making judgments like this, probably more than she deserved. I did what I could and if it’s ended it’s because of her.
I don’t feel nearly as bad as the last time. In fact, I’m feeling good and have spent 2 wonderful days with my friends.
Good luck with your psych. Try to keep and open mind with male vs female help.
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I’m 17, and I just want to say, I know how you feel. You can talk to me any time. I also have a hard time getting along with people, and I know I’m the reason. You can talk to me any time.
Me and you are kind of similar. Like you, I tend to take myself too seriously and beat myself up.
However, I’m a lot more delusional than you.
Feel free to talk to me. We can help each other.
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This
I advocate building yourself continuously, you seem to have a strong sense of self care and self awareness so this shouldn’t be an issue.
I believe there is meaning in everything, and not even the most narcissistic teen, most optimistic adult ,most god fearing polytheist, or most secular atheist can deny that…the sun rises every morning and no one ever makes a big deal about that miracle itself…
The next thing I’m about to say may sound shallow, but, like you, I am very loyal to my girlfriend (that’s just who I am) and sometimes feel like I put her on a pedestal sometimes.
You say that you feel shitty whenever you don’t have girlfriend, and that you question whether or not you just want your girlfriend for pussy. Here’s my suggestion, let go of the girl you just broke up with and, if you’re willing to, go satisfy that desire. Get as much pussy from as many women as you want to so you can free yourself from this distraction. You may think I’m shallow, I don’t give af. Wear a condom though because a lot of these girls out here are some little hot pockets. Protect yourself.
Once you get enough pussy and ass and find a woman you really love, you won’t be plagued by sex dependence so you will know for yourself that you really want that woman.
Go sing your heart out and live life so you can fulfill all these desires and find out what you really want. But keep everything under control, your first duty in life is to be a man and stand up for you. You may disagree entirely with this advice and that’s okay.
Remember to always develop yourself though.