I was at a bachelor party in Atlantic City this weekend and had what I really feel is a maturing experience and I’d like to share it.
I wasn’t really into going because of the money I knew I would have to spend, and because while I genuinely like the groom, we are not that close. We talk once very 3-4 months, and do something together 1 or 2x a year. But I figured it would be a good time, and I wanted to help him have a good time-he’s really a low-key guy that’s never done anything remotely wild, and I wanted to help arrange the bachelor party. So I was in charge of the strippers 
Well, we went on Sat and the day got worse and worse. I lost my preset limit of money ($100) in less than an hour. By 5pm I was done, and dinner wasn’t til 8:30. I don’t consider gambling much fun, thank goodness, but a lot of the other guys do and so I was feeling like the odd man out. We went to dinner and I spent much more than I wanted to since we were in a nice steak house- $70 was my share of a tab that was split evenly between us (the groom didn’t pay of course). So I was paying for the guys who had the $40 filet mignons and the bottles of wine, while I had the fish and 2 drinks, which kind of burns, especially since I said at the beginning we should all get individual checks to avoid just this situation.
Then more bad news: the rest of the guys didn’t want the strippers to come because they had lost so much cash already, so I had to call and cancel, an 1 hr before the appointment, something that a) I was looking forward to seeing b) I really wanted my friend to enjoy c) was a really good idea and would deliver great return in terms of fun, and d) I didn’t want to call and cancel for the simple reason that the guys KNEW the girls weren’t going to be cheap and yet never disagreed with the plans until it was almost too late.
So what did we do? We paid $20 a head just to get into a shitty strip bar, which was small, overcrowded, horrible lighting, no place to sit, outrageous 3 minute lap dances that cost $30 each (!). To top it all off, my friend refused to even get 1 lap dance- loyalty to his bride is admirable, but it was frustrating because why did he go in the 1st place when he knows what we were going to try to do for him?
So we spent $140 to get in, about $120 in lap dances for those of us that got them, and mostly had a shitty time, including wasting an hour between getting there and standing in line. The club was so bush league, I received almost no entertainment value out of it. Meanwhile for $20 more apiece, we could have had an amazing show in our hotel room.
Some people just don’t realize that sometimes $20 more can make all the difference when it comes to quality, and no matter how much you tell them they won’t listen.
See I had already been in this EXACT situation before for another LAME bachelor party, and I was trying to avoid it from happening again.
Therefore, I was futile in my attempt to change what I already knew was not going to be a good experience.
Okay, so now you understand my point of view regarding the money and frustration at the situation.
But there is another POV you need to understand before you understand what I learned.
Basically, it?s this: I have been in a real slump when it comes to relationships. It’s been really hard these last few years to either be in a long-term relationship or get laid. Real hard. I get numbers, I get dates, hell I even make out with girls in clubs once in while, but I never get any satisfaction, whether its physical or emotional. It sucks. There are a number of reasons for this, reasons I’m not going to get into. But trust me, it?s frustrating, and sometimes it hurts inside pretty bad.
But a few things happened, which really brightened my night. I have been working hard on trying to change myself, be more optimistic, be more confident, be more aggressive in going after what I want in life, and women are definitely something I want and need, just like all of us.
I say positive affirmations every day to help change my mentality and it has helped in that my mind is now oriented more towards good, positive things than bad.
So my efforts at changing my mind and my mindset helped me out in the following ways.
First, when I was getting a lap dance, I started thinking really positive thoughts. I was saying to myself “You should remember how beautiful and attractive this stripper is and all the benefits that come with having a girl whenever you don’t feel confident about approaching a girl or when you reject a girl for superficial reasons.” So I felt a bit better, but not great, because I was still feeling upset at the money situation.
So my second point is that I complained about this to a guy in the party, but he was having a good time and didn’t care about the money or the shitty club, etc. That’s when I decided he had a much healthier and better POV and I decided to relax and at least try to enjoy myself more instead of being resentful. So I felt even better.
Then, I saw him.
There was this poor soul in the club who was horribly scarred, possibly from a fire or acid. His entire head and neck were splotchy, possibly from skin grafts, and his head was mostly bald, except for the top of his head where some hair grew in diff’t places. It was normal at the very top, but then there were patches of hair in other random parts of his scalp. He was so depressing to look at.
Right away, I felt so bad for him; I couldn’t even imagine what it might be to look like that. All the problems and trauma that entails…I don’t know if I’d even want to live.
At that point, I realized how small my problems in my love life are compared to his. Can they even be called problems compared to what his love life is like?
Right there I put all my “problems” into perspective. No matter how uneventful my love life is, I can never ever complain or feel sorry for myself w/out thinking of him. Maybe I will sorry for myself, but not to the extent I did before, and never for more than a brief moment. And I feel that when you stop feeling sorry for yourself, and when you stop feeling depressed, its easier to think about what are the reasons for your situation and what needs to be done to improve your situation.
So I went back to the casino on my own, determined to change my situation, and resolved to hit on as many women as I could. And I did. And I spent about an hour and a half with a really attractive 40-year-old, great body, classy. I flirted with her at the slots and in a casino bar.
I didn’t get laid, I didn’t kiss her, and maybe I could have, if I had more “game”. But I didn’t, and that’s OK. Because I went out and I did SOMETHING to improve myself and my situation.
I didn’t get her #, which is a mistake I usually don’t do. But I gave her mine, and hopefully she’ll call. I found 2 numbers in the phone book that could be hers, and I’ll call them later in the week if she hasn’t called me.
(I feel it?s important when it comes to women that I never leave a situation wondering “What if?”. I feel strongly in pushing for a definite conclusion: either I get some action, or I find out that she’s definitely not interested. Otherwise, it eats away at me.)
If I didn’t do what I did to change my situation, I would be feeling angry at having wasted a lot of money, angry at having gone to a shitty party, and frustrated for not being able to change what I knew was going to be a crappy party.
Now I feel OK, happy that I did something, that I took action, and happy that I learned a lesson, and happy that some of the self-improvement things I’m doing are helping.
Any thoughts? Reactions?