I have considered this as a solution too and started reading some stoic literature as that’ll help me navigate my qualms with my current profession. Thanks for chiming in!
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It is a helpful sentiment, thank you.
For a bit of perspective, the first thing that crossed my mind when you said this was Dave Tates “who’s going to be at your funeral” piece that I won’t spell out here, you seem pretty well versed in Elitefts law. The second thought was that at my grandads recent funeral, no-one spoke about his impact as an employee. He worked for the same company from the time he left national service in his early 20s to his retirement in his late 50s and I’m confident he would have made an impact there, but at his funeral, talk was of how he was as a father, husband and friend.
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All of which are important.
A friend of mine whom I’ve been discussing this topic with from my own perspective have said two things I keep in mind. I’ll share them, since it had a lasting ring in my ears maybe it’ll mean something to your eyes.
- I’m (he) all about maximizing my utility to my family. That means taking the best paying job that also won’t eat me alive. Salary, work life balance (being able to be around for his kids) are items that come before his fulfillment as long as he doesn’t become vitriolic as a result of job malcontent of course.
- I (me), according to him, have the problem of caring far too much and there isn’t a meaningful profession around that I presumably wouldn’t accidentally let eat me alive if my guiding choice is caring about impact and meaning. I should therefore opt for the least objectionable highest paying thing I can do that is very clearly scoped in a 9-5 that’s not worth caring about beyond an average sense of duty. Dull perhaps, but also safe?
I haven’t decided if he’s right yet, but I’m considering that he may very well be.
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He may be for him, he may be for you, he may be for myself as well. I suspect his level of “correctness” exist somewhere on a spectrum for all of us.
It is also perfectly possible to have a huge impact on peoples lives by simply being a good boss/colleague. I’m sure we all have had people who mentored us or lead us in the past that have allowed us to achieve things for ourselves.
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That episode is certainly a good one.
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He repeats in in several others, and likely in articles as well.
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Yes! Far too many young men will tell you “I’m a cop” and they have no off switch. They’re calling in wanted people off duty. They listen to the radio off duty. It’s sad.
I work for the police department. Notice the difference? I’m me, but I do this for money. One could argue that my idea to switch to teaching seems like I’m looking for something meaningful. The truth is that I want to work with high school kids in the weight room and get paid. That would be awesome. The money is similar and I’ll have built in breaks like two weeks at Christmas, one week for spring break, and then 2.5 months off fit summer. That sounds better in every aspect.
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I get it with young dudes too: they HAVE no identity, and so they’re trying to just come up with SOMETHING to fill that. Experience breeds identity, and in it’s absence, all that’s left is imitation.
Working with kids in the weight room sounds awesome. It’s something I wanna volunteer on when I’m retired. Having some sort of pension would go a long way to subsidize that lifestyle. I keep threatening my wife that I’m going to become a mall cop when I retire, haha.
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I used to think about working at a high school after I retire but my wife finally came around to me teaching so I’m not going to wait quite that long.
In early 2019, I met with a college advisor about going back to school to be a teacher. My wife told me she didn’t think I should teach. Here we are in late 2020 she’s telling me I need to do it. The kids need me.
I read a daily Bible message called Our Daily Bread this morning. The message was that God sometimes puts us on the long road to better prepare us. I think that’s what I’ve been doing. I’ve experienced lifetimes by being thrust into police calls. I’ve seen so many environments and circumstances. I couldn’t have achieved this life experience and other way. It’s going to give me a chance to be a good mentor for young men.
Careful, that’s dangerous! We have groups of kids stealing en mass and they pull guns on anyone who tries to stop them.
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Language matters. A lot. In my native tongue the reply to what do you do is, usually, a “I am an X”.
I’ve been told by friends raising children a corollary of how our own language is constructed is that we have an issue wherein people as they grow up inevitably associate their performance with their identity. We can say “Good job” but mostly it’s “You’re really good”. Not “You are good at X”.
It has been observed/hypothesised that this encourages swedes to avoid things we’re not innately good at and also encourages identity crisises when we undergo periods in our lives where we cannot perform as well as we are accustomed to.
I hypothesise that this feeds a fixed mindset rather than a growth mindset too.
Therefore some parents today focus on applauding the effort, to teach kids that effort yields result. Not identity. That makes it more palatable when we aren’t as good as something, since we haven’t yet put the time and effort into it.
This is one reason, @dagill2, I think it’s not without risk when people describe themselves in self-deprecating terms.
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It’s total poison. People are so terrified of being arrogant that they choose to be timid instead. People SHOULD have pride in what they are. And if they can’t, they need to do what it takes to get there.
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Yeah it’s the same in my langage. Probably why before I could say that I’m studying to/will become a coach, I would just feel like shit and an underachiever. First thing people ask you is your name, then what your job is, as to gauge what amount of respect to give you.
So true. I try to change that, also thanks to you guys.
Yeah, I’ll always remember my US football coach, bless his soul. And I experienced that feeling, when a friend, one of the first guy that I coached, said to his 25th birthday speech that I had changed his life.
Very rich and insightful exchange you had there guys, thank you.
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Work for today:
Press (ss. Pull ups):
8 x 3 @ 60kg
Barbell row:
3 x 15 @ 60kg
Banded barbell row (ss. JM floor press):
2 x 15 @ 30kg
Notes:
- Very quick session, was absolutely sprinting through this to get it done.
- I like those banded rows, but probably needed to play with the loading to make it more challenging, either a second band or more straight weight.
- I really like JM presses as a triceps exercise, they’ll be more effective when I have either a bench or time to set up some kind of support so I don’t have such a struggle to get the bar into position. Will probably get a fair bit of use out of these.
Not just young men, plenty of people let their whole life be defined by just the one role they play. I’m sure we can also think of examples of women whose whole life and personality has become subsumed within the identity of “mum”. They spend their whole life being mum, and forget that they also need to fulfil other roles. Once the one role goes away, or changes beyond their flexibility, they have nothing left.
It occurs to me that in Britain, there is a divide there. Those in higher paying, career positions would typically say “I am a doctor/lawyer/whatever”. Those in less career-focussed paths would be more likely to say “I work in a shop/care home/whatever”. I don’t have the mental energy to think that through too carefully at the minute, but it seems like that might be quite telling.
Since a fairly young age, I’ve been pretty invested in the idea that people (and things) are not “good” or “bad”. I think the idea of people existing on a one dimensional scale from which we can objectively determine their value leads to untold harm.
That seems like a pretty standard human trait, to be honest.
A little off-topic, but I see your point. While I can’t intellectually agree with yourself and @T3hPwnisher point, there are enough evidence out there linking open negative self talk and low self esteem that it’s silly to ignore it.
JM Blakely described the idea of the subconscious as an elephant and the conscious mind as the little boy on top trying to steer it. In this case, I’m prepared to admit that I don’t, and can’t understand how the elephant works, I just have to try and learn how to steer it in the right direction.
I’m sure some people are doing it for that reason. I’m sure many are doing it because it’s an easy conversation starter though.
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Haven’t checked in for a while. 80kg press yet?
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It beats “what do you bench?”
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@guineapig nope. And not even close really, progress is slow but steady. I keep fighting the instinct to add “more” because my stupid brain keeps telling me that more work will lead to more gains.
@kd13 I’ve only ever been asked that question once, by someone I’d already seen benching.
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Work for today:
Press:
5 x 40kg
5 x 45kg
5 x 50kg
9 x 55kg (rep PR)
Drop sets (3 rounds):
55kg to failure
50kg to failure
45kg to failure
40kg to failure
20kg to failure
12 x Lateral raises
20 x band pull aparts
JM floor presses: some
Notes:
- Been a tough week at work, and I don’t expect stuff to calm down in the run up to Christmas. Just going to keep plugging away on the press plan and see how far I can get.
- Absolutely sold on the JM press as a “heavy” triceps exercise. I can see that becoming a staple of my training. Couple with the 6 rep triceps workout once a week and I think that’s all the isolation work I could ever want for triceps.
- Failure on the drop sets was to technical failure, ie. Once the presses started registering on the Simo scale.
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That is legit starting to get somewhere.
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It’s one more rep every week, pretty consistently. Not enough to hit 80kg, I don’t think, but I don’t think there is any more to add without going backwards.
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It’s about the journey?