[quote]Doval wrote:
[quote]Powerpuff wrote:
[quote]countingbeans wrote:
[quote]Powerpuff wrote:
It is interesting how some women will feel perfectly justified in ignoring or shutting down physical affection from their husbands, but they would never think of withholding physical affection from their kids. Weird how that works. There’s a total disconnect. [/quote]
That’s because it seems to me a lot of couples become parents who are married, rather than a married couple who are parents.
There is a difference
[/quote]
For sure.
This got me thinking about bonding both with our kids, which any mom can completely relate to, and bonding with our spouse. I teach my psychology students about oxytocin and how so much of what we think of as emotional behavior is related to our hormones. There’s a biology to it. Interesting that it’s really important in mother/baby bonding, but also in marital bonding and fidelity. I saw a study where men in relationships, when given oxytocin as a nasal spray, stood further away from an attractive woman. That’s cool, right? Like cuddling with your spouse helps insulate you from infidelity. It’s reinforced by a biological mechanism there. As relates to the issue Pat brought up, oxytocin it’s sometimes called the “love hormone.” If physical intimacy gives married people a hit of oxytocin, it’s more evidence that sex is “the glue.”
Just another thought here. I think we often assume that this stuff should be effortless when that’s rarely the case. Couples who have awesome food at home spend some time planning and shopping and preparing it. My hubs wishes I’d spend more time on this! People who are really organized, spend some time and mental energy on that. People who have a really great physique, or even just maintain their weight as they age, spend some time and mental energy on that.
Similarly, couples who are still HOT for each other, or have strong, healthy relationships after 10, 15, 20 years - They spend some time and mental energy on that. As far as taking advantage of oxytocin, you could do an experiment where you tried just climbing into bed together and spooning and talking a few times a week. Doing that naked would be better because there’s something magical about skin to skin contact for human bonding, and it’s a reminder that physical intimacy is the ONE thing that separates your marriage relationship from all the other relationships in your life. That alone would probably keep most couples from feeling physically disconnected. I think there’s some power in just saying “You know those couples who are still HOT for each other? Lets be like that.”
Anyway, those are my thoughts on it this morning. Problem solving this might be different for everybody, depending on how healthy the relationship is.
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You know, we should clone you and hook your clones up with every single guy out there. You’re just a whole nother level of awesome :)[/quote]
Thank you, Doval. That made my day. I wish I’d seen and appreciated all the layers more clearly when I was 21. I’m coming up on my 25th Anniversary next month. Believe me when I tell you, mistakes were made. 
I’m still learning things, but I’d really love to be able to go back and do it all over again knowing what I know now.