As someone who coordinates a program counseling court ordered parents disputing custody, I’ll bet that at some point in the future (probably if/when she rehabs), she’ll want to reenter the children’s lives. Above all, do not try to shut her out of the kids’ lives. Because if you do, a custody evaluator will slap you with a diagnosis of “Parental Alienation Syndrome” in which case Children and Youth may take the kids away from you and place them in foster care. So, even though it probably seems crazy, you should still try to encourage her to be a part of the children’s lives (and document this) so that later on she can’t say you prevented her from seeing the kids…
Well since the beginning I have allowed her to come over whenever she wanted to. She lives and works five minutes away. At first she insisted she had to see the kids before school and after work everyday. This dropped to afternoons. Now they don’t even hear from her for days at a time. For Mother’s Day I took her and the kids to Knott’s Berry Farm. When she did not have a car I picked her up and drove her to the kids sporting events and team parties. She would throw me a bone and stay a few days saying she belonged at home and than would leave without a goodbye to the kids and then stays away again. Before filing for divorce I wil be seeking legal guardianship of my son. His is of age to chose this and has done so. She does not want to pay any child support (becasue she lives check-to-check as it is) and it is my feeling that she will eventually drop out of their lives all together. She has no involvement in their education or sports and has no plans to do so. She does not want the burden of having to raise kids at this time as it would cramp her style.
sounds like she doesn’t want the kids now because it’s inconvenient for her, but at a later date she may decide she wants back in…
RE: get things in writing.
Next off: Substances can do more than you might think. She’s not going to settle things until she stops drinking. She really needs psychiatric help and to be put in a recovery facility… but it’s too late for you to do that for her now.
Get your kids to therapy if you can afford it… if not see if their school has an on board therapist. The earlier… the better for them.