So there I was, sitting on a bench on my honeymoon with my lovely new bride. We were waiting to go into The Epcot Centre. The bench was made of hollow fiberglass and it was under an overhang shaped like an amphitheatre…these two elements came into play.
I leaned back and let one go, it was more like a launch…the fucker was so loud I swear it echoed lol…people were walking by to the line up and were startled and had confused looks on their faces, like “WTF was that, does Disney have a starting gun when the gates open at 10:00 am?”.
My wife and I were laughing so hard and for so long we actually took pictures of us giggling hysterically on the speaker\bench. Those pictures are on the first page of our photo album…a real kodak moment;)
Functional or non-funktional, not sure.
Farts can also mark moments in a relationship. When you can rip one(boy or girl) in front of them and don’t care, that is a benchmark moment…am I wrong?
I have found that a well-timed fart can actually be an assist when coming “out of the hole” (couldn’t resist) with deep squats. Also helpful with getting the chin over the bar on that final pullup rep.
X, do you find someone new should break up their farts into a farting split or do total farting training? What is your opinion on people taking less than 14 farts a day because they are worried about their bodyfat levels?
[quote]Professor X wrote:
So, there I was walking into the gym locker room feeling what must have been 10,000 foot pounds of pressure in my lower colon and to my luck and surprise, the locker room was empty.
I find an empty aisle, put my bag down and proceed to let loose of what must have been 5 straight minutes of fart. In fact, this fart took enough time for my entire life to flash in front of my eyes.
There I was in the 1st grade trying to hold in a massive hotdog and Coca-Cola induced fart while at a baseball game with my uncle. I missed that whole game because all I could think about was how a kid my size could hold this in until I got home. For some reason, I was afraid of AstroDome bathrooms…and knowing what I know now, I was a smart kid. I hate baseball to this day and that one instance may just be why.
Meanwhile, I continued to fart until I felt 20lbs lighter. Hell, I could almost fly. Relief is truly spelled “Braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap!”
In amazed me that I had gotten away with this in complete solitude in a crowded gym. Yet, right when I was celebrating my anonymity from ass wind affliction, suddenly several dudes walk in and need to use the very aisle I am on.
Damn it.
It is because of this I recommend public Fart Free Zones…in churches, fast food places, long meetings, long car rides with your girl, and during Thanks Giving Dinner.
Thank you and have a great day.[/quote]
Too bad you didn’t have a match with you… and a video camera.
So there I was, sitting on a bench on my honeymoon with my lovely new bride. We were waiting to go into The Epcot Centre. The bench was made of hollow fiberglass and it was under an overhang shaped like an amphitheatre…these two elements came into play.
I leaned back and let one go, it was more like a launch…the fucker was so loud I swear it echoed lol…people were walking by to the line up and were startled and had confused looks on their faces, like “WTF was that, does Disney have a starting gun when the gates open at 10:00 am?”.
My wife and I were laughing so hard and for so long we actually took pictures of us giggling hysterically on the speaker\bench. Those pictures are on the first page of our photo album…a real kodak moment;)
Functional or non-funktional, not sure.
Farts can also mark moments in a relationship. When you can rip one(boy or girl) in front of them and don’t care, that is a benchmark moment…am I wrong?
Farts are flammable…it’s like magic…that is all.[/quote]
This reminds me:
I invented the best thing ever. The reverse dutch oven. Oh yeah. The girlfriend farts (oh god they’re horrible sometimes and I let it sit for a couple seconds…them WHAMMO. Sheets right over her head. Then I say, ‘suck on the princess’. It’s great.
I had a friend who while deadlifting tried holding in a fart, on his final rep he was pulling so hard he farted and legit shit his pants, it was one of the funniest things i have ever witnessed haha
[quote]IronWarrior34 wrote:
I had a friend who while deadlifting tried holding in a fart, on his final rep he was pulling so hard he farted and legit shit his pants, it was one of the funniest things i have ever witnessed haha[/quote]
[quote]Bambi wrote:
X, do you find someone new should break up their farts into a farting split or do total farting training? What is your opinion on people taking less than 14 farts a day because they are worried about their bodyfat levels?[/quote]
I think those pussies should man up, eat a steak and force all women and children from their general area for…30-45min.
Also, in order to maximize fart strength, gradually building up to one massive fart every 5-6 days makes way more sense than loosely farting all over the place 2-3 days a week.
[quote]Bambi wrote:
X, do you find someone new should break up their farts into a farting split or do total farting training? What is your opinion on people taking less than 14 farts a day because they are worried about their bodyfat levels?[/quote]
I think those pussies should man up, eat a steak and force all women and children from their general area for…30-45min.
Also, in order to maximize fart strength, gradually building up to one massive fart every 5-6 days makes way more sense than loosely farting all over the place 2-3 days a week.
Heres a fart story that involves a former stand out professional football player defensive end that was seeing a girl I used to work with.
We would always tease her about it because she was like 16 at the time and she swore they weren’t having sex. Whatever…
I’m teasing her about it one day, and she tells me, the night before, they were laying in bed (naked, but obviously not having sex because that would be illegal) and she feels him wriggle his ass against her and rip ass.
Naturally she’s like “What the hell was that?!”
He looks over his shoulder and goes, “Oh sorry, I didn’t realize you were awake.” Then goes back to sleep.
[quote]Bambi wrote:
X, do you find someone new should break up their farts into a farting split or do total farting training? What is your opinion on people taking less than 14 farts a day because they are worried about their bodyfat levels?[/quote]
I think those pussies should man up, eat a steak and force all women and children from their general area for…30-45min.
Also, in order to maximize fart strength, gradually building up to one massive fart every 5-6 days makes way more sense than loosely farting all over the place 2-3 days a week.
I heard Total Fart Trainers have skid marks.
[/quote]
Honestly, i think the above is an ASP (advanced sharting protocol) and would be dangerous for a beginner to encorporate. Extensive underpants damage is a real possibility. Im pretty disappointed X. I thought better of your recommendations!