Something that actually pisses me off, calf strains. Like, are you fucking serious calf muscle? I ask you to do like one think and you’re cramp up and act all hurt and shit. Gtfo. Got me hobbling around the bases in slow pitch softball. Someone just Old Yeller me already.
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those aren’t jokes. At least 80% of what you say will probably be true. This is going off experience in Shanghai traffic
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My god, you’re right! This could be like the adaptive karate I was wanting to join so I could finally kick someone’s ass! (I have my sights set on the blind guy, hahaha.)
I don’t even need to pretend to have my own disability!
Good thinking.
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I’m going to a training in a distant city on Wednesday. I might look around there for someone to push down, because how awkward would it be if I did it locally and they someday walked into my office as a new client?
For that reason I try to remember to give other drivers the finger when I’m away from home. Get it out of my system, and all.
There’ve been at least a dozen times where I’ve accused my dad of being sexist when he says “it’s probably a woman”, only to find out the terrible driver was actually a woman
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TBF, he technically was being sexist, just turned out the Universe is also sexist
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The more I learn, the more I feel that the Universe is actually sexist against males. IMO, society has a way of transforming evolutionary advantages into undesirable traits
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The Universe favors the prepared (some say “the strong”), of either sex.
society is myopic and only interested in what ‘it’ sees as desirable right now. The Universe has a way of balancing it all out in the long run so I’ll tend to stick to the traits that’ve worked since recorded history or longer than waning whims of “society”
Even if I don’t have to employ those traits, I can pass them on to my progeny and they’ll be better equipped to deal with life when the bill comes due.
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Old Man’s Injury. Welcome to the club, we cut our lawns at 6AM each morning.
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Pro tip- If you’re gonna go wheel chair flipping always approach from behind, and look out for wheelie bars. A lot of the sporty chairs don’t even have them, or they turn them up.
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Haha Had the following conversation in the car last week:
Me: This woman is going to kill someone
Wife: You don’t know it’s a woman
Me: Yes, I do
Wife: You’re just sexist
Me: I’m not saying men aren’t bad drivers but this driver is a woman
Wife: I bet you it isn’t
Me: You’re on
Pull up at the lights
Me: Aaaaaaand… A woman
Wife: It doesn’t mean you were right
Me: That’s exactly what it means
… and about 5 more minutes of that kind of interaction until my wife got nasty lol
Secretly, I was hoping it was a male driver so I could claim it didn’t count because he was a gay man to really piss her off. 
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Mushrooms. (the human kind)
Douches who use words like “super” in professional emails/documentation.
Real world example: “it would be super helpful if you have…”
Also, you’re setting up a fucking meeting numb nuts, you’re supposed to be a professional and represent excellence, use appropriate upper/lowercase. If you’re starting a sentence, use the uppercase - how can I take your foo-foo ass seriously in this meeting with your wishy washy invite and meeting description?
Also, this idiots fucking font is inconsistent and he USED A GODDAMN EMOJI. Jesus Christ, I don’t work at twitter for a reason moron. This is not a personal email where we’re shooting the shit - we’re going to be discussing semi-serious, professional business shit, and you’re putting fucking emojis into your meeting invite. I have no respect for this moron. None. Zip. Zero. Nada.
Dude asks if I have any questions: Yea, are you retarded? Is that an appropriate follow up response? I think it is. I’m going to send it … I’ll keep y’all posted on how it goes.
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As long as you put a winky-face emoticon after “are you retarded” he or she CAN’T get offended, it’s against the rules!
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My goal isn’t to coddle this moron though. I want him to taste my disdain for him in my response. I legitimately question his intellectual capabilities strictly based on this one meeting request.
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one of my super-most pet peeves
i work with an architect who doesn’t use uppercase letters at all. he doesn’t want to create a hierarchy or some shit. it’s weird as fuck. but, he’s good. so i allow it.
On this note, if someone doesn’t send me a detailed agenda 48 hours before the meeting, I cancel it. You will not waste my time.
I know. I was joking, and also passive-aggressively mocking another poster for fun. 
So in the BDSM world…online, I guess, which is the only knowledge I have of it because I’m not allowed to satisfy curiosity by lurking real life the way I can the internet…using lower case indicates a submissive, with upper case reserved for Doms. So um, yeah. Just sayin’.
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Looking back over the past several posts, I see that only @SkyzykS and I have capitalized our names.
Here is an “expressionless” emoticon to remove any judgment any of you may perceive in my noting of your lower cases.
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I don’t capitalise my name is email signature blocks… It’s my digital signature 
Flame-free
Yes, but mine is a palindrome.
I’ll let you decide what that means.
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