[quote]danmarmu wrote:
How about “Tune your damn queries” You’ve got 15 nested queries in your 500 page sql statement that does full table scans on tables that have 15 billion rows (and you wonder why it never returns)[/quote]
This sounds so cool when I don’t know what the fuck it’s about!
In fact, I’m going to use it for my facebook update and see what happens. Hot and cold runnin’ pussy I figure.
[quote]SteelyD wrote:
Any other DBA’s out there in T-land?
Public Service Announcement: DO NOT GIVE FUCKTARDS “DBA” (superuser) permissions in your database. They will fuck up EVERYTHING, then YOU will have to go back an fix it.
And close your goddammed cursors, will ya?
That is all.
Was better to make this thread than to actually kill customers.
Thank you.[/quote]
Consider it job security. 99% of the time I hope people fuck up their shit. The more screwed up it is, the more money I make.
I’m a network engineer but I have to admin a few MySQL databases as well. So the only a-hole making creating stupid queries is me.
What I deal with is asshats mis-configuring their firewalls, DNS, and BGP. Not too mention 4,000 students downloading copyrighted media and thinking they’re all too smart to get caught doing stupid shit on the network. It’s 2010 everything is easily logged.
NoSQL, no cry!
Tokyo Cabinet, CouchDB, Mongo (what we’re using)
[quote]PonceDeLeon wrote:
NoSQL, no cry!
Tokyo Cabinet, CouchDB, Mongo (what we’re using)[/quote]
“Eventual Consistency” is a great name for a band.