#1
Her: I saw a cat today and it was in the middle of the road, so I picked it up
Me: Uh oh.
Her: What?
Me: Don’t you know that cats are carriers of fleas?
Her: I thought that was made from sheep.
(actual conversation)
#2
(We’re working on some equation in high school and I round 5.9 up to 6)
Her: Wait, why did you change that number?
Me: I was just rounding it. The teacher said to round it.
Her: How do you do that? Is there some equation for that?
Me: You seriously don’t know how to round?
Her: No. Is it geometry?
(Sadly, this wasn’t even the same girl)
[quote]byukid wrote: #1
Her: I saw a cat today and it was in the middle of the road, so I picked it up
Me: Uh oh.
Her: What?
Me: Don’t you know that cats are carriers of fleas?
Her: I thought that was made from sheep.
(actual conversation)
#2
(We’re working on some equation in high school and I round 5.9 up to 6)
Her: Wait, why did you change that number?
Me: I was just rounding it. The teacher said to round it.
Her: How do you do that? Is there some equation for that?
Me: You seriously don’t know how to round?
Her: No. Is it geometry?
(Sadly, this wasn’t even the same girl)[/quote]
HAHAHAHA Thats hilarous.
While watching ms fitness usa
Her - Thats disgusting how much muscle they have is that attractive
Me- yes
Her - They weigh 200 pounds there all muscle, muscle weighs more than fat
Me- No response speechless
Girl: Hi
Boy: hello
Boy: who is this?
Girl: just a someone?
Boy: A someone I know?
Girl: nope
Boy: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
Girl: well sorrrrrry
Girl: I just wanted to chat with you
Boy: why?
Girl: nevermind your an asshole
Boy: Hey wait a minute
Girl: yes?
Boy: look I’m sorry. I’m just a little paranoid
Girl: paranoid?
Boy: yes
Girl: f what?
Girl: me?
Boy: No. I’m in hiding.
Girl: LOL
Boy: Don’t ****ing laugh at me!
Boy: This **** is serious!
Girl: What are you hiding from?
Boy: The cops.
Girl: gimme a ****ing break
Boy: I’m serious.
Girl: I don’t get it
Boy: The cops are after me.
Girl: For what?
Boy: I’m wanted in three states
Girl: For???
Boy: It’s kindof embarrasing.
Boy: I had sex with a turkey.
Boy: Hello?
Girl: You are ****ing sick.
Boy: Send me your picture.
Girl: why?
Boy: so I know you aren’t one of them.
Girl: One of what?
Boy: The cops.
Girl: I’m not a cop i told you
Boy: Then send me your picture.
Girl: hold on
Boy: Hurry up.
Boy: Are you there?
Boy: **** you, cop!
Girl: Hey sorry
Girl: I had to do something for my mom.
Boy: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
Boy: When really you were notifying the authorities.
Boy: Weren’t you!?
Girl: thats not it
Boy: Then what?
Girl: I don’t want to send you the picture cause I’m not pretty
Boy: Most cops aren’t
Girl: IM NOT A ING COP YOU DICKHEAD!
Boy: Then send me the picture.
Girl: fine. What’s your e-mail?
Boy: Just send it through here.
Girl: alright PIC
Girl: Did you get it?
Boy: Hold on. I’m looking.
Girl: That was me back in may
Girl: I’ve lost weight since then.
Boy: I hope so
Girl: what?!?
Girl: that hurt my feelings.
Boy: Did it?
Girl: Yes. I’m not that much smaller than that now.
Boy: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
Girl: yes
Boy: Alright let me find it.
Girl: kks
Boy: Okay here it is. PIC
Girl: this isn’t you.
Boy: I’ll be damned if it ain’t!
Girl: You don’t look like that.
Boy: How the hell do you know?
Girl: cause your profile has another picture.
Boy: The profile pic is a fake.
Boy: I use it to hide from the cops.
Girl: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
Boy: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy…
Boy: Not to mention all the groceries.
Girl: Go **** yourself
Boy: I was going to until I saw that picture
Boy: Now my dick won’t get hard for a week.
Girl: I shouldn’t have sent you that picture.
Girl: You’ve done nothing but slam me.
Girl: you hurt me.
Boy: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn’t hurt me?
Girl: I thought you were bullting me!
Boy: Why would I do that?
Girl: I can’t believe that cops are after you
Boy: I can’t believe Santa lets you sit on his lap…
Girl: FUC YOU!!!
Boy: You’d break both of his legs.
Girl: You’re a ****ing asshole.
Girl: I’ve been teased my whole life because of my weight
Girl: and you make fun of me when you don’t even know me
Boy: Ok. I’m sorry.
Girl: No you aren’t
Boy: You’re right. I’m not.
Boy: HAARRRRR!
Girl: I’m done with you
Boy: Aww. I’m sorry.
Girl: I’m putting you on ignore
Boy: Wait a sec
Boy: We got off on the wrong foot.
Boy: Wanna start over?
Girl: No
Boy: I’ll eat your pussy
Girl: You’ll what?
Boy: You heard me.
Boy: I said I’d eat your pussy.
Girl: I thought you said you couldn’t get it hard after seeing my picture
Boy: Do I need a hard-on to eat your pussy?
Girl: I’d like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
Boy: Well I’m not like most men.
Boy: I get excited in different ways.
Girl: Like what?
Boy: Do you really wanna know?
Girl: I don’t know
Boy: You have to tell me yes or no.
Girl: I’m afraid to
Boy: Why?
Girl: cause
Boy: cause why?
Girl: well lets see
Girl: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out
Girl: doesn’t that seem strange to you?
Boy: Nope
Girl: well its strange to me
Boy: Fine. I won’t do it if you don’t want me to
Girl: I didn’t say that
Boy: So is that a yes?
Girl: I guess so.
Boy: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
Boy: Are you willing?
Girl: What do you need me to do?
Boy: I need you talk like a pirate.
Girl: ???
Boy: When I start to go limp… you say “HARRRR!!!”
Boy: ok?
Boy: Hello?
Girl: You can’t be serious
Boy: Oh yes I am!
Boy: It’s my fantasy.
Girl: this is retarded
Boy: Do you want it or not?
Girl: Yes I want it.
Boy: Then you’ll do it for me?
Girl: sure
Boy: Ok. Here we go.
Boy: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.
Boy: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them
Boy: I softly begin to tounge your wet pussy.
Boy: I run my tounge up and down your smooth slit.
Girl: mmmm yeah
Boy: uh oh …going limp.
Girl: Har
Boy: You gotta do better than that!
Boy: Your picture was really bad.
Girl: HARRRRRRRRRRRR
Boy: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your pussy get more moist with every stroke.
Boy: I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of my mouth.
Boy: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.
Boy: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
Girl: mmmmmm you are good
Boy: I feel your thighs tighten as I suck harder
Boy: going limp
Girl: HARRRRRRR
Boy: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
Boy: You begin to sway back and forth.
Boy: going limp
Girl: this is stupid
Boy: …still limp
Boy: Do it!
Girl: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR
Boy: I turn you around to lick your asshole.
Boy: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
Boy: I see **** nuggets hanging from the hair around your asshole.
Girl: WTF?!?!?
Boy: They stink really bad.
Girl: OMG STOP!!!
Boy: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
Boy: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
Boy: I ram it up your ass.
Girl: YOURE A ****ING PYSCHO!!
Boy: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
Boy: And turn you into a ****ing candy apple…
Boy: I kick you in the face!
Girl: **** YOU ASSHOLE!!
Boy: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin…
Boy: Your parrot flys away.
Boy: …going limp again.
Boy: Hello?
Boy: Say it!
Boy: HAARRRRRR!!!
[quote]LiveFromThe781 wrote:
HolyMacaroni wrote:
“really holymac? you mean to tell me if i swallow after everytime i go down on you, i’ll actually get smarter and i can get good grades to get into nursing school?”
yup.
lol no one in nursing school is smart.
oooooooooh[/quote]
Word, I’m in nursing school and being one of the only guys in the class makes you privy to a lot of “Girl conversations” full of trashy bitches, no joke. And yeah, most of them are pretty dumb.
[quote]SSVegeta wrote:
LiveFromThe781 wrote:
HolyMacaroni wrote:
“really holymac? you mean to tell me if i swallow after everytime i go down on you, i’ll actually get smarter and i can get good grades to get into nursing school?”
yup.
lol no one in nursing school is smart.
oooooooooh
Word, I’m in nursing school and being one of the only guys in the class makes you privy to a lot of “Girl conversations” full of trashy bitches, no joke. And yeah, most of them are pretty dumb.[/quote]
at least where i live every 16-25 year old slut/retard goes into nursing. like at first, i would hear people say they were going to be a nursing assistant. whatever, cool, i thought.
then more and more people i knew were/had or wanted to do it.
then i realized holy fuck, i never want to go to a hospital because i will leave worse than when i came in. then i realized oh thank god, they’re just assistants they don’t actually do anything.
for instance, theres a bartender i work with. i asked her jokingly, “hey does this shirt make my traps look good?” somehow she confused my chest, or biceps with my traps and i said OH GOD!! You’re training to be a surgeon and you don’t know where the traps are? then she explained she was going to be a surgical ‘tech’ with emphasis on the word, and explained she just did little bullshit things. i felt relieved.
at least where i live every 16-25 year old slut/retard goes into nursing. like at first, i would hear people say they were going to be a nursing assistant. whatever, cool, i thought.
then more and more people i knew were/had or wanted to do it.
[/quote]
Seriously, in and around Boston the only requirement for becoming a nurse is an IQ above 50. I know a girl that failed her driving test 10 times and became a nurse. She can’t even get a driver’s license and is administering medicine to people.
After my shoulder surgery, I had enough morphine in me to kill a horse, the nurse came in and says “You look like you lift. You should take a few days off before you go bench lifting again” I looked at her and said “Bench lifting, shut the fuck up” they kind of hurried me out of the recovery room after that.
A friends mom is a nurse and was “quarantined” in Mass General for having caught some kind of bacterial infection that was transmitted though feces. She said “I never washed my hands before going to lunch or dinner before and never got sick.”
They all want get into it because all you need is an associates degree, you don’t need to know what your doing, and you can make decent money.