People at Your Gym

Off Topic
42

[quote]pushharder wrote:

[quote]Kainjer wrote:
These are all from my gym exploits from 10-15 years ago. We referred to these as gym enemies.

The Stepper - The Stepper is a slave to the grind, that grind consisting exclusively of step ups, bench press and 4-way neck machine. Always the same weight, always done in a circuit. Always an issue if you want to work into one of his areas. I was gone from the gym for several years, and when I went back the stepper was still there, with the same routine and weights. This guy is consistant.

The Lady Killer - The Lady Killer is a late 40’s/early 50’s grey hair ponytailed trainer. Lady Killer only trains female clients. If you are young and attractive, the Lady Killer will be right there, literally hands on, throughout your entire workout. He favors the leg curl machine for his clients, and always places a hand high on the hamstring to provide a “focus point”. If you are older, or could really benefit from a knowledgable trainer, the Lady Killer points to a machine and says 15 reps, and then returns to talking with a more attractive gym member.

The Poser - The Poser is a kept woman, who is desperately grasping at her swiftly fading youth. Husband owns the largest construction company in the area, and she has little to fill her time. She has a full time nutritionist, and the Lady Killer is her trainer. She is super fit, and in between every set lifts her shirt, turns and raises a hip and flexes her abs in the mirror, and yells “yeah!” loud enough to get most people’s attention.

The Fainter - When you first see the Fainter, you wonder why he’s wearing an old leather jacket to the gym. Then you realize that’s his skin. The Fainter is early-mid 50’s, and has a decent upper body for his age. He was probably really something before The Eagles broke up. He does absolutely no lower body work, but will gladly critique your squatting form. Everyone in the gym knows him, and he knows everyone. Got his knickname after fainting after a grueling stationary bike ride. Plenty of people came to his aid, except the Insensitive Asshole, who stepped over him on the way to the drinking fountain. This incident spawned the gym battle cry “Somebody get him some non-fat frozen yogurt!”

Big Wheels - Big Wheels was an ex-NFL player who was in a wheelchair. Always had an entourage with him which included the gym owner and Big Wheel’s wife, to whom he was short tempered. Big Wheels had a long, jerry curl mullet, and always carried a spray bottle to spritz it with. Big Wheels was a big douche bag in the gym. Yelled at his wife if she wasn’t bringing him dumbbells fast enough or was slow in refilling his spritzing bottle, always having the gym owner move other paying members off of machine so he could use them, etc. The Insensitive Asshole once told him he had great curls, but asked what he squatted.

The Insensitive Asshole - Along with the above listed behaviors, once got Gold’s Gym to cancel his membership with a full refund after taking two body blades, sticking them criss-cross through a lifting belt and climbing on a bench and air humping. When a horrified trainer demanded to know what he thought he was doing, the Insensitive Asshole replied, “I’m working my fucking muscles!”. Gym membership revoked.

Cash Money Baby - Easily my favorite gym member. Ran into him at several local gyms, and he never failed to disappoint. His real name was Terry, and he was a little slow. He wore cut-off jeans, white V-Neck t-shirts and a trucker hat with a blinged out dollar sign on it. Cash Money thought he was a competition level bodybuilder, which he was not. He would run through a posing routine between sets. Once followed me around the gym and asked whether I thought he should continue bulking or start cutting up.

I asked him about his diet, and he proudly told me he eats cheeseburgers, drinks milk and also vodka. If he wasn’t running through a posing routine during sets, he would set up the adjusatable incline bench and attempt to perform spinning roundhouse kicks over the top of it. My favorite Cash Money experience was the time he was wearing an oversized sweatshirt with the kangaroo pouch full of loose change. He went in for a roundhouse, but the counterweight of the change threw his balance off and he caught his foot on the bench, which caused him to stumble and spill roughly $40 in loose change on the gym floor. Cash Money Baby.[/quote]

Quality post![/quote]

That was very, very funny.

BTW, is anyone else wondering what the people in the gym say about you? This thread is making me paranoid.

43


People at my gym are mostly normal and nice. That said…

There was a guy who looked a lot like Phil Spector. About 5’4". Always wore a visor and a basketball jersey that nearly came to his knees and basketball shorts that fit him like capri pants. He liked to come in and do really big sets of of partial pullups… when he wasn’t killing it on the basketball court.

44

[quote]thethirdruffian wrote:

[quote]Powerpuff wrote:
The Handsome Firemen - The guys from the fire station near my gym come in almost every morning. They are mostly in their 30’s and 40’s, very polite, and in great shape. Sometimes they barely get to the gym and they get a call so they all run out and jump in the firetruck and ambulance. So distracting. I hate it when they show up. :wink:

[/quote]

Ah, see my post above. Proof of concept.[/quote]

There is apparently some kind of universal law about the handsomeness of firemen. And IT guys. :wink:

Ok, I’m married to an IT guy, and he might be the only really attractive person in his department, but he’s hotter than all the firemen, soo… There are exceptions to every rule.

45

[quote]Powerpuff wrote:

[quote]pushharder wrote:

[quote]Kainjer wrote:
These are all from my gym exploits from 10-15 years ago. We referred to these as gym enemies.

The Stepper - The Stepper is a slave to the grind, that grind consisting exclusively of step ups, bench press and 4-way neck machine. Always the same weight, always done in a circuit. Always an issue if you want to work into one of his areas. I was gone from the gym for several years, and when I went back the stepper was still there, with the same routine and weights. This guy is consistant.

The Lady Killer - The Lady Killer is a late 40’s/early 50’s grey hair ponytailed trainer. Lady Killer only trains female clients. If you are young and attractive, the Lady Killer will be right there, literally hands on, throughout your entire workout. He favors the leg curl machine for his clients, and always places a hand high on the hamstring to provide a “focus point”. If you are older, or could really benefit from a knowledgable trainer, the Lady Killer points to a machine and says 15 reps, and then returns to talking with a more attractive gym member.

The Poser - The Poser is a kept woman, who is desperately grasping at her swiftly fading youth. Husband owns the largest construction company in the area, and she has little to fill her time. She has a full time nutritionist, and the Lady Killer is her trainer. She is super fit, and in between every set lifts her shirt, turns and raises a hip and flexes her abs in the mirror, and yells “yeah!” loud enough to get most people’s attention.

The Fainter - When you first see the Fainter, you wonder why he’s wearing an old leather jacket to the gym. Then you realize that’s his skin. The Fainter is early-mid 50’s, and has a decent upper body for his age. He was probably really something before The Eagles broke up. He does absolutely no lower body work, but will gladly critique your squatting form. Everyone in the gym knows him, and he knows everyone. Got his knickname after fainting after a grueling stationary bike ride. Plenty of people came to his aid, except the Insensitive Asshole, who stepped over him on the way to the drinking fountain. This incident spawned the gym battle cry “Somebody get him some non-fat frozen yogurt!”

Big Wheels - Big Wheels was an ex-NFL player who was in a wheelchair. Always had an entourage with him which included the gym owner and Big Wheel’s wife, to whom he was short tempered. Big Wheels had a long, jerry curl mullet, and always carried a spray bottle to spritz it with. Big Wheels was a big douche bag in the gym. Yelled at his wife if she wasn’t bringing him dumbbells fast enough or was slow in refilling his spritzing bottle, always having the gym owner move other paying members off of machine so he could use them, etc. The Insensitive Asshole once told him he had great curls, but asked what he squatted.

The Insensitive Asshole - Along with the above listed behaviors, once got Gold’s Gym to cancel his membership with a full refund after taking two body blades, sticking them criss-cross through a lifting belt and climbing on a bench and air humping. When a horrified trainer demanded to know what he thought he was doing, the Insensitive Asshole replied, “I’m working my fucking muscles!”. Gym membership revoked.

Cash Money Baby - Easily my favorite gym member. Ran into him at several local gyms, and he never failed to disappoint. His real name was Terry, and he was a little slow. He wore cut-off jeans, white V-Neck t-shirts and a trucker hat with a blinged out dollar sign on it. Cash Money thought he was a competition level bodybuilder, which he was not. He would run through a posing routine between sets. Once followed me around the gym and asked whether I thought he should continue bulking or start cutting up.

I asked him about his diet, and he proudly told me he eats cheeseburgers, drinks milk and also vodka. If he wasn’t running through a posing routine during sets, he would set up the adjusatable incline bench and attempt to perform spinning roundhouse kicks over the top of it. My favorite Cash Money experience was the time he was wearing an oversized sweatshirt with the kangaroo pouch full of loose change. He went in for a roundhouse, but the counterweight of the change threw his balance off and he caught his foot on the bench, which caused him to stumble and spill roughly $40 in loose change on the gym floor. Cash Money Baby.[/quote]

Quality post![/quote]

That was very, very funny. [/quote]

That post just won T-Nation.

46

Oh my god I am the insensitive asshole.

47

When I trained in a commercial gym, the one that would crack me up the most was the one I coined “Harry Half Rep”. Would lift a ton of weight with no range of motion.

@PowerPuff: I am an IT guy and yeah we are rocking!

48

[quote]Powerpuff wrote:

[quote]pushharder wrote:

[quote]Kainjer wrote:
These are all from my gym exploits from 10-15 years ago. We referred to these as gym enemies.

The Stepper - The Stepper is a slave to the grind, that grind consisting exclusively of step ups, bench press and 4-way neck machine. Always the same weight, always done in a circuit. Always an issue if you want to work into one of his areas. I was gone from the gym for several years, and when I went back the stepper was still there, with the same routine and weights. This guy is consistant.

The Lady Killer - The Lady Killer is a late 40’s/early 50’s grey hair ponytailed trainer. Lady Killer only trains female clients. If you are young and attractive, the Lady Killer will be right there, literally hands on, throughout your entire workout. He favors the leg curl machine for his clients, and always places a hand high on the hamstring to provide a “focus point”. If you are older, or could really benefit from a knowledgable trainer, the Lady Killer points to a machine and says 15 reps, and then returns to talking with a more attractive gym member.

The Poser - The Poser is a kept woman, who is desperately grasping at her swiftly fading youth. Husband owns the largest construction company in the area, and she has little to fill her time. She has a full time nutritionist, and the Lady Killer is her trainer. She is super fit, and in between every set lifts her shirt, turns and raises a hip and flexes her abs in the mirror, and yells “yeah!” loud enough to get most people’s attention.

The Fainter - When you first see the Fainter, you wonder why he’s wearing an old leather jacket to the gym. Then you realize that’s his skin. The Fainter is early-mid 50’s, and has a decent upper body for his age. He was probably really something before The Eagles broke up. He does absolutely no lower body work, but will gladly critique your squatting form. Everyone in the gym knows him, and he knows everyone. Got his knickname after fainting after a grueling stationary bike ride. Plenty of people came to his aid, except the Insensitive Asshole, who stepped over him on the way to the drinking fountain. This incident spawned the gym battle cry “Somebody get him some non-fat frozen yogurt!”

Big Wheels - Big Wheels was an ex-NFL player who was in a wheelchair. Always had an entourage with him which included the gym owner and Big Wheel’s wife, to whom he was short tempered. Big Wheels had a long, jerry curl mullet, and always carried a spray bottle to spritz it with. Big Wheels was a big douche bag in the gym. Yelled at his wife if she wasn’t bringing him dumbbells fast enough or was slow in refilling his spritzing bottle, always having the gym owner move other paying members off of machine so he could use them, etc. The Insensitive Asshole once told him he had great curls, but asked what he squatted.

The Insensitive Asshole - Along with the above listed behaviors, once got Gold’s Gym to cancel his membership with a full refund after taking two body blades, sticking them criss-cross through a lifting belt and climbing on a bench and air humping. When a horrified trainer demanded to know what he thought he was doing, the Insensitive Asshole replied, “I’m working my fucking muscles!”. Gym membership revoked.

Cash Money Baby - Easily my favorite gym member. Ran into him at several local gyms, and he never failed to disappoint. His real name was Terry, and he was a little slow. He wore cut-off jeans, white V-Neck t-shirts and a trucker hat with a blinged out dollar sign on it. Cash Money thought he was a competition level bodybuilder, which he was not. He would run through a posing routine between sets. Once followed me around the gym and asked whether I thought he should continue bulking or start cutting up.

I asked him about his diet, and he proudly told me he eats cheeseburgers, drinks milk and also vodka. If he wasn’t running through a posing routine during sets, he would set up the adjusatable incline bench and attempt to perform spinning roundhouse kicks over the top of it. My favorite Cash Money experience was the time he was wearing an oversized sweatshirt with the kangaroo pouch full of loose change. He went in for a roundhouse, but the counterweight of the change threw his balance off and he caught his foot on the bench, which caused him to stumble and spill roughly $40 in loose change on the gym floor. Cash Money Baby.[/quote]

Quality post![/quote]

That was very, very funny.

BTW, is anyone else wondering what the people in the gym say about you? This thread is making me paranoid. [/quote]

My nickname at one gym was apparently “Mr. Sweats” not because of perspiration but because I wore (and wear) long sweat pants and a long-sleeve shirt, generally grey or black, regardless of weather.

49

[quote]Jewbacca wrote:

[quote]Powerpuff wrote:

BTW, is anyone else wondering what the people in the gym say about you? This thread is making me paranoid. [/quote]

My nickname at one gym was apparently “Mr. Sweats” not because of perspiration but because I wore (and wear) long sweat pants and a long-sleeve shirt, generally grey or black, regardless of weather.[/quote]

That sounds seriously HOT!!

I’m pretty sure people in the gym are too intimidated by my lifts, or just too in awe of my physique to come up with any nicknames. At least that what I’m telling myself. I’ve had a few of the guys tease me by doing little pirouettes or standing on their toes with their arms in a ballet position when I’m training near them so I’m pretty sure it would be something about that.

About the Christian guy in the shower, I was going to ask you if you’d moved to the Bible Belt or something. It seems like people in NYC would have talked to Jewish people before.

50

[quote]biggjames wrote:
When I trained in a commercial gym, the one that would crack me up the most was the one I coined “Harry Half Rep”. Would lift a ton of weight with no range of motion.

@PowerPuff: I am an IT guy and yeah we are rocking![/quote]

Cool! I’ve never seen one of those beefcake calendars with IT guys, but if I hear about one I’ll let you know. You can be Mr. September.

51

I think I would dye my beard white and wear red sweats and black boots and I can be Santa Claus, so Mr. December.

52

Love this thread! I go to a private non-commercial gym so there’s two types of people, guys that pull 500, and guys that rep 500. I’m the sweaty fat old guy that works his ass off becuase he loves the work and because you can’t out train a bad diet, but you can fight it to a draw.

53

Flex Beck: younger guy, decent build, lifts the big 3 with respectable weights. However, he looks uncannily like the musician Beck after a cycle or two.

Candy Apple: middle age dude, very tan, very well-built upper body. Sadly, he’s always skipped leg day and is walking around on tooth picks.

Full Body Wrist Curls: middle aged guy, not at all built, always wears a weight belt. This guy manages to perform kneeling wrist curls on a bench using his legs, hips, and back.

54

I’ll add a few more.

The Red Sweater Lady: She’s about 50, does a ton of cardio and that’s it. Always wears this red cardigan sweater, no matter what time of year. I sweat just looking at her.

The Deli Counter Lady: She wears a blue vest over anything, looks a lot like what someone would wear as they slice cold cuts. All she needs is the name tag.

The Geisha: Over 55 and very overweight. Wears her hair pinned up like a geisha with those pick-up stick things through it.

The Wookie: I’d hate to go to this guy’s house. I mean, what ever he wears is covered in pet hair. Dog, cat… who knows.

55

I will add more as I remember.

The ILS Guy: imaginary lat syndrome or inflated lat syndrome.

56

Goldi-locks: Gets her name from her prolific gold curly mane of hair. My GF prefers to call her “lion king”. She gets a special name as she is middle aged obnoxious personal trainer who trains quabbles of middle aged women, and likes to leave towels, water bottles, notebooks, gym bags, and other accessories spread all over the gym on various benches so that no one else in the gym can work out. They will be doing dB curls, and still manage to have towels covering 2 benches on the other side of the gym, and another bench to put their water bottles on even though there is a massive table in the middle of the gym dedicated for water bottles and notebooks.

She also gets her clients to do their stretches in the area underneath the only pull-up bar in the gym, while there is a whole fucken room dedicated for stretching/rehab stuff and is always empty.

I need to, and I will punch her in the head.

tweet

57

theBird: good to see you have flown back to us !

Yeah, Goldi-locks needs to die.

They seem to proliferate despite castration of their male companions !!

58

I have a few characters in my gym. It’s a small gym, but has a long history in my town and has been various gyms for 30-40 years years. Needless to say that with such a long history it has collected some some interesting fixtures.

The Ethnic Swede: This man is a bodybuilder, dark as a meatball, always wears sweatshirts and sweatpants even when it’s 110°F outside, age unknown. While most bodybuilders I’ve known spray tan before comps, this guy must sleep in a tanning bed. Either that, or he’s pushing Melanotan to the extreme. Very nice guy though.

The Ultimatum: Mid to late 40s, nice physique, probably ex military. First time I met this gentleman, he complimented my squats. Then he told me that he squats heavy every day, to which I blurted “dear God, why?” Then he told me, “suppose someone told you that you have to double your squat in 30 days, or they would execute your whole family, would you squat heavy every day to double your squat in a month and save your family?” Somewhat strange first encounter, but sure loves lifting and is also a very nice man.

Pappa Bear and Baby Bear: Have never talked to these two. Pappa Bear is trying to teach Baby Bear the ropes of lifting. Pappa Bear always wears his lifting belt, for everything. 1/4 squats, curls, pec deck, everything. Pappa isn’t weak, per se, however he still walks around with his chest puffed out, and a grave expression on his face like the Undertaker. I imagine him telling Baby Bear before they enter the gym, “if you want to be a man, son, this is how you do it.”

59

Quality thread. A got a few.

The Lumberjack. Late 40’s, 6’2" or so, a good 3 bills. Big gut, broad chest, huge arms and a large beard to boot. ALWAYS works out in jeans, and a flannel in the wintertime. Does no warm ups, just goes to the bench and starts repping 315. Just does random lifts with heavy ass weight.

Batman. Dude that uses those boots to hang upside down to do an assortment of exercises.

The Mad Ukrainian. I like the guy. He’s a pretty big and strong guy, but if you don’t know him, can be rude as fuck. Has a thick Accent and does not feel “women should get in the way of men trying to lift heavy”. And yes, he will tell them that. He will also tell others bluntly if he intend to use “his equipment” for up coming sets. Can be very confrontational, but if you get to know him, he’s a great guy. Great at the Oly lifts. And do not ask him about Crossfit. Just misunderstood.

60

“The Mad Ukrainian. I like the guy. He’s a pretty big and strong guy, but if you don’t know him, can be rude as fuck. Has a thick Accent and does not feel “women should get in the way of men trying to lift heavy”. And yes, he will tell them that. He will also tell others bluntly if he intend to use “his equipment” for up coming sets. Can be very confrontational, but if you get to know him, he’s a great guy. Great at the Oly lifts. And do not ask him about Crossfit. Just misunderstood.”

The Georgians tried to pull this crap in the NATO gym in Kandahar. Walk over to you and say “we need this now, we train, we Army” “Yeah, well, fuck you , and your watermelon sized head” . The Ukrainians and Buglarians were just as bad. Never had a problem, once you let them know that you would slam a weight into the side of those thick skulls. Neanderthal Assholes.

I currently work out in a small Department of State gym, that is open to military and USG civilians:

1.Triceratops: Guy is at least 40 pounds over weight and comes in, does some type of stretching, which reminds me of a penguin trying to fly, and all I have ever seen him do is tricep kickbacks and that useless tricep machine. He spends all his time trying to fly and working his flabby arms.( with a small blue towel around his neck) The urge to choke him to death is great.

  1. Gang Banger: I see this guy about twice a week, He is about 7 thousand miles from the States, but wearing bright (either blue or red, cant decide on what he wants to be) bandanas, 3/4 length blue jean shorts with his ass showing, keds with the lacings untied, gold chains, and three or four rings. I have never seen him do anything but look at himself in the mirror and curl 20 pound weights.I walk to the other end of the gym when he arrives, I dont want to catch whatever he’s got.

  2. The Sound of Music: This guy will come in, plug his little ear buds in, grab some dumbell and begin to sing at the top of his voice. no shit. One day I couldn’t take it anymore and seriously thought about shooting him and gang banger together, instead, I went over and tapped him on the shoulder and said “hey, bro, can you tone it down a little?” I swear to God, he said, I am in training for American Idol". Yeah, bro, I can see you have a great future". Fuck me.