People at Your Gym

Off Topic
21

[quote]stockzy wrote:
The “i have something on my lip so i’m going to wipe it off with the bottom of my t shirt so i can see my abs in the mirror” guy.[/quote]

Holy Crap, every 19 year old in my gym fits this category.

We’ve also got the fat personal trainer (who has no certification or any qualifying background at all), who sips his coffee and monotonely counts reps while his clients (who never seem to make any progress) go mindlessly through the exact same workout he had all his other clients do.

Also very fond of explaining to anyone who will listen that all of the guys who look better than him are obviously on the ‘steeeroids’.

S

22

the hot chick: She loves the eliptical. I love how her boobs bounce when she’s on the eliptical. Her name’s Maria.

her friend: …

24

Men, usually from the subcontinent, who don’t look like they work out (and you never see them outside the locker room), who insist on drying their pubes and dirty stinky body in general with a hairdryer and not a towel, thus flooding the locker room with pube-fumes.

25

[quote]KnockoutRob wrote:
Men, usually from the subcontinent, who don’t look like they work out (and you never see them outside the locker room), who insist on drying their pubes and dirty stinky body in general with a hairdryer and not a towel, thus flooding the locker room with pube-fumes. [/quote]

Unfortunately, I’ve seen this guy. He’s definitely over 50 too. Almost gouged my eyes out.

26

The super hot chicks who take the spinning class then sit out on the mats near the machine area and do groin/hamstring/glute stretching. I’ve started to do my warmups over on those mats. Cuz the girls are purdy.

The bull dyke and her friend who squat more than some dudes. (Her friend’s kinda hot)

The amateur bodybuilder who lifts in flip flops (wtf)

The retired female bodybuilder who has about 5% bf, and a flat top haircut. (she’s ripped up all year)

27

The issue with the locker-room is that it’s always just…creepy. Most old men I see in there probably did 30 minutes of REALLY light bike work, and then they are butt naked in the locker room for 10 minutes and they’ll just be standing around, walking to the urinal, sitting their fat asses on the bench.

And you try to not stare, oh you do, but sometimes, it’s hard. No pun intended.

28

[quote]Hyena wrote:
me and my partner make up names for just about everyone, so here goes.

Pull-up king - PK for short. Old balding man, that knows nothing about anything, and is trying to do a mock up of the “300” workout. Chalks his hands like a mofo, and leaves a big ass chalky mess all over the floor. Most well known for his variation of the traditional pull-up, that looks more like he is doing the worm, while hanging from the bar.

Range of Motion Man - ROM for short. Does all exercises with as little range of motion as possible, literally moving weights about 1 inch regardless of the exercise.

The Beeper - Older guy, mid 40’s who makes a beeping sound with his mouth at the bottom of any pressing motion. i.e. when ever the bar touches his chest for bench, or military presses.

The Bro - (Idk if these exist anywhere outside of southern CA, and I rather hope they don’t.) The tough guy wearing the gay “Tapout” shirt, or the sleeveless “skin” jersey. Usually wearing hat or bandana so low, that you can’t see his eyebrows. Knows nothing about weightlifting, or form, and even less about diet. Thinks he’s badass because he can bench 205 for 4 reps. Apparently has no knowledge of the lower body, as legs are chicken-like in nature, and never move any more than their massive 135lb frame. In his mind, he is the toughest, most badass person alive.(this is a whole collective, not just a single douche)

Squatmaster - Does good mornings with 225, and a slight knee bend, thinks these are called “squats”. Looks exactly the same as he did a year ago.

Raccoon Joe - This is the talker with insecurity issues. He talks to everybody, except the people that are at the gym for serious. Always tells everyone what body part he’s working on that day, and makes sure to know what everyone else is doing as well. He gets the nickname “Raccoon” for the DARK circles around his eyes. As far as we can tell, it is due to insomnia, or a drug problem, or both. Also, has been caught watching younger males bend over to pick up their weights numerous times. Can usually be heard talking loudly about how off the hook last weekend was, or what crazy cool plans he has for next weekend. Yet another putz who looks exactly the same as he did when I started a year ago. If he spent even 1/4 the time that he spends talking actually working, or researching, he’d have a respectable physique.

Well that’s just about all I got at the moment.[/quote]

Post more names bro, these are hilarious.

29

I have some good ones. Used to workout at a local rec center and saw the following:

Forearms Man- Middle aged, fat guy that only did forearm exercises. Appeared to have Turrets Syndrome as he was always cussing and laughing to himself

Old Timer- He worked out for at least 2 hours everyday. When I saw worked out I mean he sat on a machine for at least 30 minutes before attempting to do one set. He always looked pissed.

Train Wreck- This was a middle aged guy that was wrapped from head to toe in every sort of brace and bandage. Also wore Under Armor. Typically did lots of half reps and then hours of “cardio.”

Big John Studd- An overweight guy that told me once he was a competitive powerlifter. He always made fun of bodybuilders for not knowing proper bench form. Then he would do a million sets of half bench on a smith machine. He avoided at all costs: Lat workouts, leg workouts, cardio, American Ninja 3 but not 1 and 2

Gym bag Jimmy- This guy would claim EVERY piece of equipment while he was in the gym. He was apparently doing some extremely drawn out giant sets. Every now and then I would see him actually lift, but usually he just watched BET and took a change of clothes and shoes out of his gym bag. Sometimes he would do jump rope for 10 seconds at a time.

Hop-a-long- A guy with one leg shorter than the other that ALWAYS did leg press. He would do one set and then listen to his disc man for about 30 minutes. When he pressed he would scream at the top of his lungs and then count each rep out in a normal voice: “Aaaaaagh!!! One. Aaaaagh!!! Two…” and so forth

Chicken Lady- resembled a chicken. Would always watch ESPN at 100 decibels. Was in love with Peyton Manning. Ran on the eliptical machine holding the handles and swinging her head violently back and forth.

Eventually for obvious reasons I joined a new gym

30

I thought the hair-drying your genitals was only here in Taiwan. Half the guys do it. Gawd.

Elliptorexic: Monday to Friday there’s a horribly skinny 50 year-old woman that is on the elliptical by the time I get there (about 0630h) and still on when I leave ( about 0815) She doesn’t even go hard. The sheer stupid willpower needed to do that 5 days ( or more) a week for months boggles me.

Weird Little Archie-Bench: A little guy that walks straight to the bench without any warm-up I’ve ever see does 225 for 4 or 5 horrible reps with an arch I would guess to be about 8 to 10 inches off the bench and his right arm going up a lot higher than the left.

The personal trainer with the belt on and wraps the whole workout. Not doing much at all.

31

Why hasn’t anybody brought up the “curls in the squat rack” guy? Or is that too cliched? Before I started using a commercial gym I never believed that such retarded beings existed. But now I know.

Also another group of people at the gym that cracks me up consists of these few dedicated trainees that are there probably every single day for 2hours each time, and over the past few years have successfully achieved the admirable aim of growing their arms larger than their legs. I sometimes wonder if they go on all fours like gorillas when nobody’s looking just to give their little legs a break.

32

[quote]CKMAN wrote:
Guy 1:

What about the guy who puts on his lifting belt the moment he walks in the gym and doesn’t take it off until he walks back out again no matter which exercises he is doing!

My gym has several of these, but they also never take their wrist wraps off either. Years ago, everyone wore gloves, now its wrist wraps!!

33

I workout at the gym at my university. So of course

The skinnyfat guy: Make up a majority of members; Do bench when they decide to “workout.” Their upper torso is skinny and undefined with a complimentary beer gut. Their legs are the size of their ankles.

The buff guys: Consistently make it to the gym and move a good amount of weight

Thats about the weight room population in a nutshell

34

[quote]Vanre wrote:
Why hasn’t anybody brought up the “curls in the squat rack” guy? Or is that too cliched? Before I started using a commercial gym I never believed that such retarded beings existed. But now I know.

Also another group of people at the gym that cracks me up consists of these few dedicated trainees that are there probably every single day for 2hours each time, and over the past few years have successfully achieved the admirable aim of growing their arms larger than their legs. I sometimes wonder if they go on all fours like gorillas when nobody’s looking just to give their little legs a break.[/quote]

Of course!!!
This has reminded me of the guy who trains nothing but chest and shoulders 4 days a week. Always uses the samew weight, and literally screams his head off with each rep. Hilarious, but you have to do your sets when he is resting, or you can’t concentrate, coz hes even louder than the crap dance music they play in my gym.

35

Thanks for everyone already saying this but here is my gym in a nutshell as told by T-Nation mambers:

[quote]The PT:
I caught him complaining on how he hates squat. Don’t workout (or at least don’t look like he workout). One day he took the only rack to set his trax rope (I don’t know how it is called) to do his bodyweight exercise. . He is a wanna-be strenght coach with a shaved head. He is a total failure like the two other PT with the shaved head.In his head he is really jacked. He his as clueless as the average lifter if not even more. Total dick with the customer.

The Slutty receptionist

She flirts with every single guy as he scans his card (especially the married ones). She is lazy, doesn’t show up on time, gets one of the trainers to fold the towels, DOESN’T WORK OUT. If you need to speak to someone about billing, she calls the manager who reminds her that the accounting department’s phone number is taped to the inside of the counter - right in front of her face. Keeps her job because she fucks the manager. She isn’t THAT hot - she has a nice set of tits and that’s about it (she’s 22 so that shit’ll be down by her knees in ten years) LOL

Abermeisters - Will do a variety of exercises for abs. Rarely do gut wrenching compound movements. Will concentrate on arms.

The “i have something on my lip so i’m going to wipe it off with the bottom of my t shirt so i can see my abs in the mirror” guy.

The Chatty Cathy: this gym member seems to be able to hold a conversation with anyone in their proximty during their entire “workout”. Somehow during their entire “weight lifting session” they never seem to run out of breath and can hold conversations during their sets.
[/quote]

But there are about 6 people I see that train hard. Myself, the 3 guys that train with me (or "we all train together, i’m not the ‘leader’) Another large bald man and then a heavyweight bodybuilder. That dude is huge.

36

Horrors of a commercial gym: So here are some of the new people I’ve met since joining 24 hour fitness:

Roid Ragers- a group of about 5 to 6 guys that would inject each other with roids, workout together, and then go to the corner with the mirrors and strip down to their underwear to pose. One guy took pictures.

Pull-up Prick- Would do a million sets of Zero since he never got his forehead above the bar. Typically after one gruelling set of zero he would add on 25 pounds and do another set followed by another and another and another

O’Riley Factor- The guy that thought everyone in the gym should know about his political views which can be summed up with the phrase: Vote Republcian or Die

Magazine Man- the 20 something guy that walks around the gym carrying his new issue of Men’s Health or Muscle and Fitness so that he can check the article that has the routine he is doing this week

Tapout Douche bag- typically one out of every three guys. Wear some tapout shirt, do some MMA style workout, think they are bad ass, live in their mom’s basement so they can afford to watch UFC 5000

Jamie- the only guy that I ever met that lifted hard and kept to himself. He was a 50 something competitive powerlifter that could easily crank out squats with about 400 pounds though he claimed he was weak at squats. Would mention in passing something like he had to go a little lighter on bench after his arm was severed and had to be reattached, but then would bang out a 400+ max.

37

A few of the characters that I’ve noticed over time:

Stretchy: Guy in his late 40s or 50s, he seems to be all about his 25 minute static stretch routine, using almost every stretch in the book. He then goes out and completes maybe 3 or 4 lifts, all with pathetic weight and poor form. He’s likely been using the same resistance for a long time. Wears a weight belt for absolutely every lift.

Slow n’ Steady: Always lifts with very restricted ROM, and very slowly. Never breaks a sweat. Looks vaguely like Vince, the ShamWow/Slap Chop guy.

Squat girl: She’s a stick, but she can squat a good 70-80lbs with pretty good form. One of the very few that uses the power rack other than me.

Angry Emo Kid: Doesn’t have an actual exercise plan, just tries to emulate other lifters. He’s six feet tall and 110 lbs, so despite looking pissed off all the time, he can’t do anything about it. Last time I was at the gym, he saw me pull a 245lb deadlift (new PR for me). He tried to do the same, struggled with the bar for a good 5 minutes, and after not budging it, left it alone.

Nice guy with idiot trainer: Very polite guy in his late 30s, with a total dick for a trainer. Despite the guy’s eagerness to learn and get stronger, his trainer doesn’t do hardly anything other than brag about how strong he is (despite his love handles, beer gut, and chicken legs) and talk on his cell phone while the guy is doing reps. To prove his idiocy, the the trainer saw me doing hang clean and jerks, and when the guy asked what they were, the trainer could only describe them as “lat destroyers.” The trainer also claims squats are “bad for your back.” Doesn’t train his client on anything but machines.

Other guy that deadlifts: He’s the only person besides me that I’ve ever seen deadlift. He’s got a bit of a gut, but is still fuck-huge and pretty damn strong, although I’ve surpassed him on my DLs and squats recently.

Cardio girl: Pretty cute girl that I was totally going to score with maybe someday, until she came in with a with a new ring one day. Dammit. I still like staring at her butt between sets.

38

Gold Chain: Guy who is around 40, and comes in with his wife/gf to do the elliptical. He is very tan, and wears shorts that are shorter than his wife/gf. I mean, no joke, not that I am looking, but I can almost see the dudes ass folds hanging out of the bottom of his shorts.

Also wears an Ed Hardy t-shirt, and has the top of his hair bleach blond. Also, obviously, wears gold chain. Now one of two of these things might appear funny, but when you put them all together it makes for some laughs.

39

[quote]Mateus wrote:
This is more so geared towards the locker room. What about “Mr. I have to stay naked as long as humanly fucking possible in the locker room guy”. He’ll shower, shave, dry his hair, brush his teeth, so on and so forth. To top it off he is usually in his fifties, at least, and resembles a wildebeest.[/quote]

A few funnies on the thread but that made me laugh! There does seem to be a type of man who certainly wants to make the absolute best of “the facilities” and often explores an apparent interest in nudism while doing so.

Similar types exist in the world outside the gym too, in offices and hotels etc. Spending a long time in the washroom, taking the term ‘restroom’ a little too literally - using all the cleaning possibilities available, all too ready to chat at length about anything, spending very long preening himself in mirror and basically seems to use up a lot of time for what an average man spends 2-5 mins on in total. They’re there when you go in, there when you go out and don’t ever seem to want to leave!

I don’t think they’re homo or anything of the sort, I just think they have a special, if slightly weird, affinity for “the facilities” wherever they happen to be.

“Facilities man”/“restroom man” never leaving an establishment’s “facilities” under utilized!

40

The noobie lifter- Walks in the gym with a wife beater, jean shorts or sweat pants. If he isn’t wearing a wife beat he usually goes in and changes into a muscle shirt or wife beat 20 mins in his 3 hour workout. Does pushups to gain mass. Stairs at himself every 2 seconds, talks on his cellphone every 2 seconds.

Thinks N.O explode should be president of the United states. Will usually bring 1 or 2 friends in the next time their in to show them how to improperly do every excersise they just did. They always have a reason for doing everything their doing and its usually the wrong reason.

The Foreigner - Usually has a “unique” haircut, always has 3 or 4 buddies with him, they all do the wrong lifts and Two of them are usually skinny while one is extremely overweight, they talk very fast in their language and take up at least 15 minutes per excersise.

Then you make eye contact with one they all run over to you " Hi my friend" is usually the first thing, next think you know your driving their parents to the doctors office.

41

I go to a pretty small gym but here are a few:
The American Beauties-If you’ve seen the movie, these are the guys who seem to have hit a midlife crisis and are working out with a disturbing fury on their mirror muscles. They are frightening most of the time.

Bar Hugger- The guy who does nothing but curls and curl variations, followed by going over to the squat rack and continuing the curls.
The most badass mother fucker on this here planet- The 75 year old retired Lieutenant Colonel of the United States Army, most shredded man in the entire gym, kicking ass each and every day.