Nate, man , I can’t find anything more encouraging to say other than that my thoughts are with you and your family.
Nate I know it is a hard time, but you have to think that it’s not over till it’s over, my Mother was positive everyday of her life and always said dont despair as a solution may be found at anytime.
I am not trying to give you false hope as that would be wrong but enjoy the time you have with him now and enjoy the time with all your family, we never know what is going to happen to us, so please hug stacy and all your family and tell them how you feel now.
There is no shame in feeling sad.
One last peices of advice that you wont want to hear but I think you should know, if the time comes give him your permission to go, I know it is the hardest thing to do but some people hang on even in the worst pain just to be with their loved ones a little bit longer so you have to do it for them.
My Prayers are with you and your family.
Fluffy
So sorry to hear about your dad. My parents were killed in a car accident when I was a young teenager. At the wake, my parents’ close friends got together with me and each one of them told me a funny true story from their past. We laughed and cried until it hurt.
Take the time now along with your family to have a “hey…remember when” funny story time with your dad when the mood is right. The laughter will keep the pain and darkness at bay. These are the small happy moments that you can hold onto forever. My thoughts are with you.
My mom called me last night. I was thinking she was calling to wish me a Happy Birthday since it’s coming up this week.
Instead, I answered the phone and she says, “Nathan, I’m sorry to hear about your father. But what’s going on with the house? Your sister wants the house. Your dad didn’t help support her. She needs the house. What about life insurance? Does your dad have some? Will she get some money?..”
Needless to say, my mom was calling to see what she was going to get out of the deal (my sister lives with my mom). It’s always about what is in her best interest. She says she’s “looking out” for my sister, when in reality, she is looking out for herself.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I love my mom. But she does have her own issues/problems, and my parents have been divorced since I was 8. And every time we (my brother or I) hear from my mom, it’s because she needs something (usually money). Instead of taking responsibility for herself and her actions, she is looking for someone else to bail her out or give her a handout.
Yes, my mom is poor. She lives in the country in a double wide along with her third or fourth husband, my half brother and my sister and her two kids. So I understand that she’s struggling. But that was just the most rude thing I could ever imagine from her and with no remorse or feeling toward my dad other than, “I heard about your dad, and I’m sorry to hear that, but…”
Unbelievable.
My dad told her and my sister that he would discuss the house and finances at a later date with us…not my mom, since it’s not her business.
[quote]BIGRAGOO wrote:
I can’t blame you for taking out your frustration and stress on Stacey. That’s what happens in a time of crisis. But you do need to explain yourself better to her after any episode to keep from pushing her away or otherwise hurting your relationship. She is stressed for you and I’m sure she wants to help as much as she can, so lean on her and vent your feelings before they build up and erupt into something nasty towards her. I know you’re already under a shit load of stress, but try to keep her close and not close yourself within your own sorrow and misery. That will not only kill your relationship, but will hurt you for many years. This is a time to put all nonsense aside and stay focused on what is really important. This will be a bumpy ride, so you will need to be as clear headed as you can be to get through it with your sanity. You have the strength and support, you just have to use. Best wishes Nate.
[/quote]
I’m destroying our relationship, and I don’t know why or what to do to stop it. Everything is getting to me now. 
There was even mention of “taking a break” during a conversation last night.
I don’t know what to do. I want to work things out and not poison us or the relationship. Stacey wants me to communicate more rather than holding it until it boils over. She’s right. But I just don’t know how to make the little things stop bugging me.
[quote]Nate Dogg wrote:
I’m destroying our relationship, and I don’t know why or what to do to stop it. Everything is getting to me now.
There was even mention of “taking a break” during a conversation last night.
I don’t know what to do. I want to work things out and not poison us or the relationship. Stacey wants me to communicate more rather than holding it until it boils over. She’s right. But I just don’t know how to make the little things stop bugging me.[/quote]
The little things will always bug you, sepecially now. You have too much to worry about now, and everything is a big deal and adds to your dilema. I’d say if you want to stay with Stacey, confess your deepest fears and angers to her. Take some part of the day to specifically talk to her and, shit, let all of your emotions out. Cleanse your conscious of what’s eating at you.
Explain your pains and agony to her and make her know that you need her. I can’t tell you an easy way to deal with this, because there isn’t one. I’m sure she is overwhelmed by what’s going on and is scared about losing you and getting hurt herself, hence the “taking a break” comment.
I know things with your Mom really piss you off because of how callous she seems at this point, but don’t let that get to you yet. Your Dad is #1 now, so focus your energy on him. Find happiness while with him and take that happiness and show it to Stacey.
Let Stacey know that she is an impotant part of your life and you need her. Love really does heal wounds, so keep her close, but be honest and true to her. If you find that you need some alone time, explain that to her, but make sure during that time you vent ALL your frustration while alone so when you see her again you won’t have those toughts to come back to resurface in a negative way towards her. She is basically helpless in all of this. She just wants to feel that she can soothe you and be a part of your healing. Take advantage of that.
But again Nate, this thread is a part of therapy, use it. We will help as we can.
Never underestimate how strong people are, both in body and mind. That Not only goes for your father, but for you as well.
I cannot even begin to think about the stress that you must be under, but take heart, stick together and things will have a way of working out.
The money thing can always be resolved later, if you have creditors, make them aware of your sitation, you may find that they can arrange some special dispensation for you. The worst thing there is to do what is natural, and hide from it.
Talk to the hospice, ensure he gets the pain medication and therapies, as this is really what underpins everything else. And talk tou the consultant. If you are better informed, then you can help your father nad the rest of your family.
I used to work within palliative care, and the people are sincere and honest and skilled, but you know your dad better than anyone. Let them know your concerns as he sounds brave and may hide his hurt to save you and yours anxiety.
All i can do is wish you luck and know that you will make it.
Nate, the best thing you can do is just let go of the burden of your father’s death. It’s beyond the control of your or anyone. As someone esle pointed out, when it’s your time, it’s your time. As hard as it might be to do, just enjoy the time you have with your father right now. Believe me, you’ll have much sweeter memories of your father and a healthier relationship with Stacey if you just focus on the good and shed the weight of regret and remorse.
Nate,
Sorry to read about the difficulties you’re facing. Keep your head up and be strong for your family, and know that you have a whole lot of people pulling and praying for you.
Nate,
I am truly sorry to hear this news. Best wishes to you and your family during this time.
Todd
Sorry to hear this Nate, my thoughts and prayers are with you.
Nate,
I am sorry to hear about the challanges that you are facing right now. I truly hope and pray that you and those you love come out stronger. If there is anything that I can do please let me know. Please PM me and let me know what it is that you do. I don’t know alot of people in Florida, but maybe I can find someone who can help.
-Will
I am so sorry to hear about your father. All I can say is, don’t beat yourself up anymore. Don’t feel guilty about the would have’s & should have’s. You have a chance to say good-bye to your father & to enjoy the time you have left with him.
My mother died in a car accident 6 years ago last month. I didn’t get to tell her good-bye. I am crying even as I write this. It is hard to lose a parent. Be thankful for every minute you have. You are in my thoughts & prayers.
Jana
Some random thoughts that have crossed my mind:
You know what part of the problem is?
[center][u]Anger[/u][/center]
I’m angry that my dad is not trying to fight this. I’m angry that he won’t look into alternative methods (natural foods, acupuncture, massage, etc.). He is going by what the doctor’s have told him. He’s not trying to eat healthy or stay away from the sugar and other crap food that has definitely contributed to this. He’s not concerned about other things that may help. And it makes me angry that he won’t try to find a way to beat it.
The doctor told him today that they are worried about the tumor in his colon, as it could cause serious pain or blockage that could cause major problems. So they are going to consider surgery. My dad wants to avoid anything that will take away from his ability to live “normal” while he can. At the same time, the doctor mentioned that if he doesn’t do anything about the tumor in his colon, it could cause more pain and problems and take away his quality of life.
So that’s something else to deal with now.
Thoughts about Stacey and I:
I hate taking it out on Stacey. I’ve let the little things start bothering me. One thing that has been too much lately is that she doesn’t have a car. She rides the bus to school and work most of the time. Otherwise, I’m her transportation. She lives on the other side of town, so every day I end up picking her up from school or work. We end up having to go to her place or mine, or both. It takes a lot of extra time (time that I have so little of these days), and of course it costs money/gas (although Stacey does help when she can and buys me gas).
But I’ve let it really get to me. I’ve been driving her around for the past 7-8 months with only a few complaints because I don’t always get time for myself or to do things I need to do. And I understand that she has no car and that is frustrating for her because she has to rely on other people or the bus. I know how difficult it is, and I try to be understanding.
Part of why I do it is because it gives us a chance to spend time together. It may not be “quality” time, but it’s a chance to talk about the day before we cook dinner or run errands or go home or whatever.
I’ve also been nitpicking about little things. Discounting her life experiences and such. I don’t know why I do that. She said I’ve been doing it for the past few months. I act as if her experiences aren’t good enough or warranted because she’s younger or doesn’t have the same experience as I do.
Actually, I do know what part of the problem is, and she brought this to my attention last night: My ex.
We did not have a healthy relationship. She always argued with me. She didn’t always tell the truth, she embellished or was completely overdramatic about things, and she said things purposely to piss me off or to get a reaction (and that’s only the tip of the iceberg). I still seem to be in that “mode” with Stacey. I still question Stacey on things or argue with her until I get the last word. And I know a good part of that is because of my last relationship. It was like that for more than three years.
Stacey has met my ex. So she knows exactly what she’s like. And the fact that my ex hasn’t quite left my life (not my doing - she keeps trying to stay in contact with me for various things) is a problem at times. I’m not trying to make excuses and say that my past relationship and stress are the reasons why I do this…well, maybe that is why…I don’t know anymore.
I do know that I love Stacey. I love my dad. I’m under huge amounts of stress. I don’t want to hurt her or take anything out on her. I do need her, especially now. And she has been supportive of me all year. And she is committed to helping me now.
It’s so frustrating! And tomorrow is Valentine’s Day and my birthday is two days later. Both are the last things on my mind right now. I wanted to do something great for Stacey for Valentine’s Day. But I don’t know how that will work, especially since she works at a florist and is working late the next few nights. Who knows if I’ll even see her.
I did get some good news today. I heard back from the other job. They made me an offer, and although it was hard to decide between both jobs, I decided to take one of them that I think will make me happiest in the long run.
I’ll be joining an advertising firm in town in two weeks. The pay isn’t much of an increase now and the benefits are not as good as the job at UF, but I think it suits me better. So look for me on the site in the near future: http://www.group-5.net/
Those are my thoughts at the moment. Since I tend to keep them locked up and hidden within, I figure it may be better if I post them here. This way, if I do hold back with Stacey, she can come here and read what’s on my mind and what’s going on.
If you read this Stacey, know that I love you with all my heart and that I’m sorry for hurting you or pushing you away. I don’t want to push you away. I want to hold you close to me.
Your dad should definately try and fight it. One of my mums friends had Cancer of the Colon; and she was also told she only had about six months to live, however with preventative treatment, and willpower she lived a largely happy ten years. I wouldn’t always believe these dates they tell you…
[quote]Nate Dogg wrote:
Thank you for your thoughts and prayers for my dad, myself and those around me.[/quote]
I am very sorry to hear about your dad. I’ll keep all of you in my thoughts and prayers.
Hey Nate
Maybe your girl would understand, maybe she needs to know these things.
Maybe your dad is resigned, and wants to at least make some choices.
I dont really know. Your perception of things would be way different to mine mate, and i hope you dont stay angry. You may regret it.
Girlfriends do come and go, but you do only have one father, and i am sure he loves you, as you do him.
If she loves you, she will understand. Your father surley loves you, and he will also undeerstand. He may be sared, vulnerable and feeling alone. be there for him.
Agin, just good luck to you…really.
Nate, hang in there buddy, we’re behind you.
Nate, I am so sorry to hear you are going through this again. You know you can call if you want to vent.
Sab
Nate - i am sorry to hear about what is going on. It seems that your father emotionally is in a good place, but it sux that he is in pain. My thoughts are with you and your family.