Life With a Military Wife?

Off Topic
41

Somebody hit the nail on the head: if you trust her and have no reason not to trust her, then you shouldn’t have any worries. Yes, deployment sucks. I just returned from 6 mos. in Kuwait, leaving behind my wife, daughter, and 2-mo old boy. But we were able to talk on the phone almost every day, I had email access almost every day. There were women deployed there from all services. Some were married, some were single. Of both parties, the ones who wanted to stay out of trouble did. The ones who didn’t care or wanted to mess around, did. And everyone knew about it.

There was one chick who was married with kids, but was dating a guy she deployed with. He(the boyfriend) bought her a diamond, she was going to get divorced upon returning home and they were going to get married. He even had a picture in his wall locker of her with her children. I’m not trying to scare you by telling you this, I am trying to make the point that if she is trustworthy and wants to stay that way, she can easily do it.

I am Navy, my wife is civilian/former Navy. We did not marry until right before her discharge. While we were dating, I had problems with a few guys who claimed to be ‘friends’ of hers. Which meant all they did was talk about what a piece of shit I was, and how I treated her wrong. As soon as she started listening, we started having problems and she moved out of my apartment. She was gone less than 2 days(still crying herself to sleep at night–we had been engaged at the time) and the guy asked her out(I tried so hard not to say TOLD YA SO!). Then she realized I was telling the truth when I translated ‘guy speak’ for her, and we have been together ever since with no problems.

Here’s my thought on the military men thing: I don’t really hang out with anyone from my command, so most of the wives don’t know each other. If you are not partying with all of her co-workers, you should be fine. You can always find friends outside of work(yours and hers). When I was at previous commands, the females who were married to civilians or dating civilians didn’t really hang out with guys from work either.

So basically it all depends on her. There are some men in the military who can and will be friends platonically and nothing more with female co-workers. There are also a lot of guys who will try everything to undermine what you have. You(both of you) will just have to learn to tell the difference.

42

All I can say is Military and monogamy don’t mix. Especially if she deploys anywhere.

43

[quote]kingkrs wrote:
I am in the Army and I was in Iraq in 2003 to 2004. During that time my wife and I just had a baby. She was 5 weeks old when I left. Leaving them was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I would not like to be in that position again. However the strength that the separation brought to our relationship was great. I had complete trust in my wife while I was gone and she had the same for me. I came back with a greater appreaciation for my family. The point I am trying to make is that you can do this if you want to.

Making friends and such will not be hard if you are an outgoing person. If I was in your position I would not concern myself with other military men treating me differently. I could care less. You are just as important and need to be just as strong as your spouse to make it work. Joining the military is a family decision. You together will make it work, if you guys do it right then it can be good to you. Children will complicate things a little more, but not make it impossible.

I hope I was of some help.[/quote]

Thanks for the reply. It’s great to hear that people are making it work.

But, it looks like this isn’t even a possibility right now. My wife talked to the local recruiter yesterday and I guess they aren’t taking re-enlistees. If that’s what you call them? I guess they will start taking them again in October. That is really strange to me.

44

[quote]boatguy wrote:
Somebody hit the nail on the head: if you trust her and have no reason not to trust her, then you shouldn’t have any worries. Yes, deployment sucks. I just returned from 6 mos. in Kuwait, leaving behind my wife, daughter, and 2-mo old boy. But we were able to talk on the phone almost every day, I had email access almost every day. There were women deployed there from all services. Some were married, some were single. Of both parties, the ones who wanted to stay out of trouble did. The ones who didn’t care or wanted to mess around, did. And everyone knew about it.

There was one chick who was married with kids, but was dating a guy she deployed with. He(the boyfriend) bought her a diamond, she was going to get divorced upon returning home and they were going to get married. He even had a picture in his wall locker of her with her children. I’m not trying to scare you by telling you this, I am trying to make the point that if she is trustworthy and wants to stay that way, she can easily do it.

I am Navy, my wife is civilian/former Navy. We did not marry until right before her discharge. While we were dating, I had problems with a few guys who claimed to be ‘friends’ of hers. Which meant all they did was talk about what a piece of shit I was, and how I treated her wrong. As soon as she started listening, we started having problems and she moved out of my apartment. She was gone less than 2 days(still crying herself to sleep at night–we had been engaged at the time) and the guy asked her out(I tried so hard not to say TOLD YA SO!). Then she realized I was telling the truth when I translated ‘guy speak’ for her, and we have been together ever since with no problems.

Here’s my thought on the military men thing: I don’t really hang out with anyone from my command, so most of the wives don’t know each other. If you are not partying with all of her co-workers, you should be fine. You can always find friends outside of work(yours and hers). When I was at previous commands, the females who were married to civilians or dating civilians didn’t really hang out with guys from work either.

So basically it all depends on her. There are some men in the military who can and will be friends platonically and nothing more with female co-workers. There are also a lot of guys who will try everything to undermine what you have. You(both of you) will just have to learn to tell the difference.[/quote]

Great reply and great advice. Thanks a lot. I hear everything you are saying.

The more I think about this decision, the less I am worried about it. But like I said in my previous post, this isn’t even an option right now. So, we’ll see what happens.

Again, a big thanks to everyone for their advice and taking the time to reply! Cheers.

45

My opinion

I’d get out now, before you have any kids. The longer you wait the harder it’ll be. I’m almost sure the guys on base won’t see you as an equal. The with the fact that there won’t be much women, she’ll be highly chased after even if you don’t witness it.

This is all a big headache I’m glad I am not going through. Also from my shoes it all seems so clear and easy but I understand for you this is a much much harder decision.

Regardless, I stick with the opinion of getting out if she really wants to go military again.

Again just my opinion.