The best is when the hot chicks do donkey raises on the donkey raise machine. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
You once mentioned you were a trouble magnet Nate. Where did this bloke learn to be so smooth and switched on. Ask him can I come and take notes next time.
This is definitely gonna come with the territory bro. If you date beautiful women, other guys are gonna try to bang her every day all the time.
“Can I help you with the door?” trans. “Can I help you with some DICK?”
Chris Rock
If you feel the need to fuck this guy up just rubb the fact that she’s with you in his face.
- He’ll probably get the point/feel like the d-bag he is and stop.
- He’ll talk some shit and you pullhim out side and curb stomp his ass.
BTW nothing wrong with biting if you gotta. I was in a fighy(getting jumped) by 10 guys while stangling one of their friends and I caused a pretty decent sized avulsion on the right nipple of one of the fucks in dogpile:)
Okay, I will tell you guys the all-time, absolute worst frickin’ bodybuilder-turned-loser-trying-to-pick-someone-up instance that I ever witnessed.
I was out with my GF (this was in LA about 12-13 years ago) having some sushi at this nice little place in a mini-mall. The restaurant had a lot of windows so that the people passing by could see in and (hopefully) get hungry. My GF and I were seated near the middle of the restaurant, but there were two hot women sitting right next to one of the windows. This was in the evening, maybe around 7:00 or so.
So this guy walks up to the window and starts to sort of groom himself in it. He’s late-20s, black hair, about 6 feet tall, your average athletic-looking build. Not bad, but nothing out of the ordinary, body-wise. However, he has on black boots, black John-Travolta disco pants, and a skin-tight lime green shirt that’s open halfway down his torso. There are some gold chains around his neck. Furthermore, his hair is greased like a 50’s movie.
And he’s grooming himself. He’s got the Fonzie hair-combing, he’s turning this way and that in the window, getting the profile shots of himself, he’s hitching at his pants. He actually turns around and checks his ass in the window, then shakes it a few times. He kind of taps his boot-toes into the ground to set them on his feet better. He does a little dance step to make sure.
Of course, all of this is to get a reaction from the two women. Well they notice him, naturally, and one ofhtem makes the mistake of looking directly at him. He takes this as his cue and comes inside the restaurant to stand by their table. He starts in with a monologue:
“Hey ladies, how are you doing tonight? You two sure do look nice. I couldn’t help but notice you looking at me in the window there… I get that a lot. I don’t mean to disturb your dinner, but I just wanted to tell you that I’m getting into bodybuilding, working on the ol’ physique, and man, I’m gonna be awesome. I’ve got those Italian genes, you know, like Lou Ferrigno? Yeah, I’m gonna be a god. But how about you? You two look like you keep yourselves in shape…”
Finally, after this goes on for two or three minutes, with the two women staring at their food and trying to keep from laughing, one of them looks up and says, “Do you mind?” And the guy says, “Oh, yeah, I’m sorry. You guys are eating, right? Yeah, didn’t mean to disturb your meal, just saw you looking and thought I’d some in to talk with you for a few minutes… Anyway, you have a nice night. And if you want to call me, you can just dial this number.” And he writes a number down on one of the paper napkins and leaves.
Swear to god, every word of the above is true. My GF and I referred to him as “Jack Lalaine Man” from then on, and he has been the standard by which I have judged egregious pick-up lines/antics ever since.
Char: I was a young foolish man at the time. Only a teenie bobber! Don’t tell my story you mutherfucker!!! Plus I always check out my own ass you’ve seen it, so you know how nice it is. I mean I can’t stop looking at it. 
Tee hee hee. Char that takes the cake!!! I wish guys like that would try and ask out a girl I was trying to ask out right before I did. That way I would look like the smoothest SOB by comparrison.
Char that is classic, what a total Cliff Barnes! (there’s a test for your memory, TV trivia and lateral thinking
:-))
Renegade: sigh That’s alright. I guess I’ll forgive you…
Brad: Be nice? Be nice?! Essh. “Nice” is not one of my strong suits. Neither is patience, tact, or generally giving a rip about idiots. And 6 minutes is about 5.58 minutes too long.
JWright sorry I already have that shirt more a in the flannel look… Sorry personal trainer already wearing it
Arcane, let’s not get started on asses. You’re too “forum-young” to remember the thread, probably, but I have staked my claim once and for all time to the title of Ass Master Emeritus. I have what was voted to be the Best Masculine Ass of the Latter Half of the 20th Century. By a wide margin, I might add. (I would have won the whole friggin’ century if it weren’t for the fact that Ying Butt Yang - the only Asian ever to place a clear first in international ass competition - happened to live into the first decade of the 1900s and, well, no one beats Ass Master Yang.)
Aahso, Aahss Mahstah Emehreetus Chaaaar-dawg. Grace us “forum-young” grasshoppers with the contest winning photo of your esteemed aaahhss.
Ah, karma, I’d like to oblige, but unfortunately I signed some very unfair contracts when I was a up-and-coming young ass-poser and the rights to my competition shots are no longer legally mine. (Those management bastards get you when you’re young and don’t know any better, and then you’re stuck for life…)
Still, if you’re really interested you could contact the Smithsonian. I think that they have several shots on permanent display there.
Alternatively, I could resurrect the Immortal Ass Thread, which - while lacking in photos - has quite a bit of very enlightening description. I’m not sure that these youngsters we have on the forum now could handle it, though…
Oh please, Grand Master Ass Dawg, I for one, crave enlightenment. I vote for the ressurection of the Immortal Ass Thread. Sort of a T-style Easter if you will…
Well, that’s two votes. Nice to see such ass-enthusiasm from the younger crowd! 
One more vote (especially from a female) and I’ll resurrect the thread for the enlightenment of all…
Please revive the assforementioned thread to enlighten all grasshoppers that were not yet part of the T-Nation.
I fully admit to an often juvenile sense of humor and, til the day I die, will continue to be inordinantly amused by all things ass. I’ll be cackling in my rocker at 87 when someone drops an SBD.
Okay, will do. Give me a day or two to dig it up…
(Why do I hear this ghostly voice saying, “If you post it, they will come…”?)