Divn’t bother wi al these twats harpin on aboot takkin English like, coz theres ounly wan way ta lorn it proppa in thats git ya ganzi on n gan doon the toon on Friday neet, so lang as its alreet wi thu missus like, n have a few scoops o shorbort in the Bigg Market. Bollocks tee the lot o ya.
(BBC translation: Please do not pay any attention to the previous posts with regard to speaking the Queens English. In my opinion the most efficient way of mastering the language is to don your best attire, and proceed, with your better halfs blessing, to the Bigg Market district of Newcastle Upon Tyne on a Friday night. Once there you may partake freely in the consumption of alcoholic beverage. God bless America.)
[quote]hspder wrote:
fahd wrote:
3. English are Anglo Saxon whereas Welsh, Scottish and Irish are Celtic.
I found the above statement very strange, so I asked one of my many Scottish colleagues (Scots, for some reason, have one of the best education systems in the World and make for great professors – American students just love their accents!) and in between the swearing of the others, one of them sent me this:
Although the people that were called the “Scots” were Celtic settlers that invaded the southern region of Scotland, in the 5th century, the people of the northern region of Scotland – and a lot of the genetic material still there – are NOT Celtic, but Norse (from Norwegian and Danish Vikings):
There is also a lot Norse influence in Ireland, by the way:
Don’t tell me you never wondered why the Scots and some of the Irish are so much taller than the Welsh…
If that doesn’t confuse things, the Scottish language (Scots), is actually not of Celtic origin (like Welsh and Irish, which are Celtic) but rather of Germanic origin:
Clearly the divide in the UK is so great you guys don’t know about each other’s History – even though your kindgom as a whole is smaller than our State of Oregon…
there’s a difference between scots and scottish gaelic. Scots is a extinct lowland language with much more recent origins than scottish gaelic
[quote]Gregatron wrote:
etaco wrote:
Gregatron wrote:
Why learn English/British anyway?
If it’s to impress the ladies by appearing ‘foreign’ then you can’t go past a kiwi (New Zealand) accent. Works like a charm in pretty much all the world as there are still some people who don’t even know where we are.
From what I’ve heard from the Brits and Aussies I’ve talked to, NZ holds a place in the hierarchy equivalent to that held by West Virginia in the US. Of course I could be totally off base on this…
Thats all based on jealousy mate… I think the problem stems from when the ‘kiwi’ male enters any nightclub/bar in England or Australia and then proceeds to walk out with the hottest ladies in the establishment.
[/quote]
your full of piss and wind mate.
In my opinion if you can pull, you can pull, countries, crap accents or anything else is neither here nor there. If some chick on this board wants me bad just because i speak an English dialect then thats a first…
They want real British humour check out alan partridge. And I think they have the office they’ve done a cack rip-off of ours, with lame American characters, all the subtle humours gone.
In my opinion if you can pull, you can pull, countries, crap accents or anything else is neither here nor there. If some chick on this board wants me bad just because i speak an English dialect then thats a first…
But still welcome.
[/quote]
Notice I said ‘the hottest women’, not just pulling any old, snaggle toothed british bird. Anyone can pull mate. But it’s the quality that counts…
Unless you’ve taken Alpha Male and a few lagers and then anything’s fair game (and I don’t mean sheep - Zap Branigan ya cheeky bastard!)
[quote]Gazz wrote:
Divn’t bother wi al these twats harpin on aboot takkin English like, coz theres ounly wan way ta lorn it proppa in thats git ya ganzi on n gan doon the toon on Friday neet, so lang as its alreet wi thu missus like, n have a few scoops o shorbort in the Bigg Market. Bollocks tee the lot o ya.
[/quote]
ROFLMAO!
[quote]Gregatron wrote:
Thats all based on jealousy mate… I think the problem stems from when the ‘kiwi’ male enters any nightclub/bar in England or Australia and then proceeds to walk out with the hottest ladies in the establishment.
[/quote]
Kiwi’s aren’t allowed in Australian nightclubs. We have IQ tests at the front door.
[quote]Massif wrote:
Gregatron wrote:
Thats all based on jealousy mate… I think the problem stems from when the ‘kiwi’ male enters any nightclub/bar in England or Australia and then proceeds to walk out with the hottest ladies in the establishment.
Kiwi’s aren’t allowed in Australian nightclubs. We have IQ tests at the front door.[/quote]
Yeah thats true…so why don’t you have them in your schools?
I found some of the least phoney Brit speak on a website for UK bouncers, or “door stwards” they call them. For example (and it pays to mumble this with a bit of a stiff jaw) Bulldog posted:
"tonight was a rough night in out club it seemed like it was kickin off every five minutes, nothing too bad until about 2 am.
this guy was hassling the bar staff so i went over for a quiet word and he gives me a ‘**** off.’ i say gotta leave mate, and before i know it the little **** has tried to bottle me. so i blocked it gave him a jab and he goes to the floor. normally i wouldnt do this but as he tried to bottle me i kicked ten or twenty bells out of him. now this guy was knocked out cold and his face was fuct we had to carry him to an ambulmace.
this has made me reconsider whether i want to be a doorman, i hurt this guy bad. if i had had back up straight away none of it would have happened, but as i was on my own i completely lost it. i feel really bad now do you think i went over the top, what would you have done?"
[quote]Loose Tool wrote:
I found some of the least phoney Brit speak on a website for UK bouncers, or “door stwards” they call them. For example (and it pays to mumble this with a bit of a stiff jaw) Bulldog posted:
"tonight was a rough night in out club it seemed like it was kickin off every five minutes, nothing too bad until about 2 am.
this guy was hassling the bar staff so i went over for a quiet word and he gives me a ‘**** off.’ i say gotta leave mate, and before i know it the little **** has tried to bottle me. so i blocked it gave him a jab and he goes to the floor. normally i wouldnt do this but as he tried to bottle me i kicked ten or twenty bells out of him. now this guy was knocked out cold and his face was fuct we had to carry him to an ambulmace.
this has made me reconsider whether i want to be a doorman, i hurt this guy bad. if i had had back up straight away none of it would have happened, but as i was on my own i completely lost it. i feel really bad now do you think i went over the top, what would you have done?"
That didn’t sound like something a british doorman would say. I worked as a doorman in south london for about a year and there was ‘fisticuffs’ every night. Mind you, the blokes I worked with were mostly Irish and all those buggers were keen for some biffo.
You may be right, the poster may not have the right state of mind for the job. Nonetheless, I didn’t make this stuff up. Things may have changed since you worked the doors in South London. It appears that there is a new regulatory agency (and licensing) that oversees door stewards. Get caught breaking the rules and you may well be out of a job.
[quote]Gregatron wrote:
Why learn English/British anyway?
If it’s to impress the ladies by appearing ‘foreign’ then you can’t go past a kiwi (New Zealand) accent. Works like a charm in pretty much all the world as there are still some people who don’t even know where we are.
[/quote]
Bwaha, bwaha, bwahahahahahahaaaa!
Guess that might be effective if I wasn’t from Brisbane. ‘Foreign’ it is not.
I have never worked in an office where there wasn’t at least 1 kiwi for every 9 aussies in the place.
[quote]Loose Tool wrote:
take their job seriously. They aren’t just in it just for the punch ups.[/quote]
What are they in it for then?
I worked door security for about a year. The only good thing I can remember was checking out what the girls were wearing that evening before they became too drunk to be attractive anymore.
While it is true that the British don’t always have bad teeth, Britain does has some of the worlds worst dentists. (Note to tourists, next time you visit the tower of London ask where the dental school is hidden.)
Why is it that every time an American tries to do an English accent they all try to sound like a cockny and call you a “bloody bugger”(hint, not a nice thing to say). This is akin to an Englishman trying to sound like an Appalachian hill billy, which unfortunately is what they invariably try to do then calling you a “fudge packer”. (note, neither one is considered very high in intellect, in their respective country)
So here is more slang.
Dozy = dumbass
She’s the dossiest cow I’ve seen in me entire life.
Essex Man = Eastender (not to be confused with a cockney)
Sod is short for Sodomite
Bugger = sod
(This is why it’s generally considered impolite to call someone a bugger)
Buggery = what sods do
Quid = Pound like Buck = dollar
ackers = money
Bristols = Fun bags
Scrumpy = Hard apple cider (note to Americans, Especially GI’s, Much Much MUCH stronger than beer), Remember this or you’ll be so sick you’ll “puke your ring up”
'puke your ring up" = vomiting till your anus comes out
[quote]FightinIrish26 wrote:
Watch “Monty Python and the Holy Grail”. Repeat until accent is ingrained.
I think picking up an Irish accent would be far cooler…someone with that accent can get away with ANYTHING in this country.[/quote]
I am indeed English but love he Irish accent as all of my close freinds seem to have. As far as I can tell though, being English means that whenever we play an international football match, the Welsh and the Scottish always cheer for the other team no matter where they are from. Personally I just like anyone from the British Isles to get anywhere-lol. Many great British comedies btw. Also used to go out with a guy from NZ. Yeah accent is great and fools the Brits but the Aussies are a lot more honest.
[quote]Loose Tool wrote:
You may be right, the poster may not have the right state of mind for the job. Nonetheless, I didn’t make this stuff up. Things may have changed since you worked the doors in South London. It appears that there is a new regulatory agency (and licensing) that oversees door stewards. Get caught breaking the rules and you may well be out of a job.
The other thing is the guys on the Moray site (and Door Network) take their job seriously. They aren’t just in it just for the punch ups.[/quote]
Yeah, it looks like things have changed a little bit. When you work door security outside of the west end things are probably a little more lax in the way of ‘professionalism’.
I think that there are different ideas of what ‘door work’ consists of depending on where you work. I’m not talking about the tough guy bouncers that dress in suits and let people in by moving velvet barrier ropes. And i’m not talking about the rugby player that checks i.d’s at the local student pub. What i’m talking about are the real london bouncers that aren’t afraid to jump in when things get ‘a bit rough’. Guys who watch each others backs and are interested in the safety of the patrons and not just there to prove how tough they are. Believe me, when things turn to custard you had better have a good team behind you.
It wasn’t that we were in it for the punch-ups. When you have guys that pull knives, screwdrivers and whatever else they can on you, on a regular basis, you had better take your job seriously.
[quote]David Barr wrote:
As a wannabe Anglophile here are my ignorant suggestions (never having been to the motherland).
I agree with DR about “The Office”, and RG’s new series “Extras” isn’t bad either.
Ali G is the archetypical Londoner, although his dialect is infectious (fo’ real).
Movies: anything by Guy Ritchie, “Football Factory”, “Hooligans” (what’s with the Millwall FC obsession?).
Watch BBC Newsworld which is the greatest news station ever (WARNING: it covers countries you will likely have never heard of).
Watch Premier League.
Don’t forget: we pronounce the last letter of the alphabet as “zed”, not “zee”. In English, we also have all kinds of extraneous “u’s” when spelling words (like “colour” or “puppy”).
I should warn you that if you pick it up, you will annoy people with terms like: well-cleva, mad, cheers, well done(!) etc.
