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Off Topic
21

[quote]helga wrote:
Do you think that the depression/schizophrenia would have been any different if you werent smoking marijuana?

Please note, I am asking this as I am genuinely interested to hear the personal opinion of the poster.

If you want to use my post to start a marijuana war, please do so in another thread and dont fuck up this one.[/quote]

Not to start a war, but I think the MJ helps control depression. it gives one a feeling that whatever is wrong can be sorted out and conqured. That is unless of course one totally buries oneself in it alone. There is way more to it than I can write in one post.

22

Inspiring. I enjoyed that, and it helps to hear it, personally.

Not to go into nearly as much detail, but it’s motivational to me personally as a person who is manic depressive, undiagnosed, neurotic, obsessive compulsive, and has had various self esteem issues. For the last 8 months or so I’ve been on a steady manic high, and as of this week I just hit my usual depression. But this is the first year that I’ve had motivation, and thats right, ambition, so I’m hoping this years cycle wont be as bad. All hell just broke loose in my life just a couple weeks ago as well, the worst events of my life, so anything that helps my mindset is very important.

Your story help’s that, so I feel obliged to reply to it out of respect.

Sounds like you’ve got the right goals, dont let anything hold you back!

23

You guys are way too kind. Remember, I can be kinda of a dick sometimes on these forums :slight_smile:

Swivel,

My boston brother…sox are having themselves a nice season there, aren’t they :slight_smile:

I’ll be traveling to NH about an hour north of you starting Wednesday. Who knows, I may even head down to Boston for a night…

Badass Mentality,

summa cum laude is achieving a 3.3 grade point average or higher out of 4.0 scale. Bascially you graduate with honors because you received good grades because of all of your dedicated drinkin…er…I mean studying.

Aragorn,

As a matter of fact, do you know how I’m going to accelerate my success? by focusing on other people’s success first. I’m already practicing what I preach at work…on the contrary I’m able to reach out to others in ways I could simply not do before.

I’m having myself a nice ketel one and diet soda right now so I think I’ll tell you of one good example of this that just occured this last week.

I went to my psychiatrist to get a refill for my antidepressant medication. And sitting across from me was a gentlemen with a right leg missing in a wheel chair of about 85 years of age. His daughter seemed pretty annoyed with him.

Meanwhile, my energy level right now is through the freaking roof. I’m happy as can be. He senses it and turns to me with a dry humor comment “I never want to see the inside of this place again”. I responded in kind.

He then told me “I tried committing suicide, that’s why I’m here”. What do you say to something like that? But I felt a very deep spiritual connection with this guy. I’m looking at a beaten-down man, depleted testosterone, giving up on life.

Then I got mad inside. Real mad. Not at Hank, but at the misery he was experiencing. I knew of this misery very well.

I looked at Hank and said “you know Hank, I know intimately what it’s like when you feel like your not worth 2 shits”.

“And you know what I discovered, it’s all a fucking lie!”

“God makes no mistakes, Hank”

“I’m actually envious of you Hank”

“You have a wonderfully responsible daughter who is by your side; you have three grandchildren; you’ve been married to the same woman for 53 years”

“yes Hank, I’m envious of your life”. “and if you ever try to commit suicide again, I’ll have to kill you”.

“you’ve impacted my life today Hank”. “See it’s not the great big accomplishments that really matter in life Hank…it’s the little moments here or there where you can really impact somones life…and they in turn can do the same…a ripple effect.”

When I left that room, Hank was beaming ear-to-ear…I don’t think he’ll try committing suicide again.

24

[quote]randman wrote:
Let me be clear. I haven’t been smoking pot my whole life. But I’ve certainly been severely depressed for as long as I can remember. It’s the state of my depression that was partly responsible for trying every drug known to man. I’ve always done everything to the extreme. It’s not worth doing if you’re not going to give it your all :wink:

The interesting thing is…keep in mind I’m not advocating any one smoke pot…that I started smoking pot again about 2 months ago since the “shit hit the fan” and it has kept me centered, calm, and introspective. It saves me the trip to the doctor for a valium :wink:

The other interesting thing is, I created the whole presentation under this state of mind and it was the most creative experience in my life.

So it is serving a purpose for me right now…a positive one. Will I continue smoking indefinitely? Probably not. I hope that helps.[/quote]

I have no opinion on the matter either way so just wanted to see what you personally thought on the matter.

Thanks for the honest answer.

25

[quote]carter12 wrote:
Nice job, ya crazy bastard. Seriously, bravo! Way to take charge of your life, pretty inspirational stuff.[/quote]

Thanks man. I’m listening too my iPod, drinking a lil bit and dancing as I pack and type. It should be a sin to feel this good :wink:

I’ve actually caught myself laughing in my car uncontrollably. Sheer joy. It’s a good place to be.

Randman

26

Man, serious props to your story. It’s great to see these extraordinary stories of people who get shitted on in the world only to come back bigger and better than ever. I’m only 18 myself but just reading about your story has seriously made me re-think what is possible for the future. Thanks for sharing your story again! I’ll be looking for your son in the olympics! =-)

27

[quote]BIGRAGOO wrote:
but I think the MJ helps control depression. [/quote]

Let me borrow her for a weekend and I am pretty sure that I could say I would not be depressed!

28

I don’t have time to read this just now … but I will.

Until then … it is about f*cking time you showed your face around here … I was seriously beginning to think you were that sex crazed @ss slapping rendition of Barneyoppotamus.

BTW, I see that you hoop it up … can you dunk?

29

[quote]BASTARD GUY wrote:
I don’t have time to read this just now … but I will.

Until then … it is about f*cking time you showed your face around here … I was seriously beginning to think you were that sex crazed @ss slapping rendition of Barneyoppotamus.

BTW, I see that you hoop it up … can you dunk?[/quote]

In my wildest dreams I can…I’ve contemplating making this a mini-goal since I’ve been playing A LOT of basketball lately. I’m actually pretty close right now. A lot closer than I ever was before.

Dude, I feel like an olympic freaking champion. I’m seriously motivated to beat the under-25 crowd on the basketball court…know what I’m saying?

30

More Power Brother!!

31

I’m glad to hear you’re doing well, and I think we all appreciate the glimpse into your life.

Your drive is very inspirational to me… I’ve never been known for my willingness to put forth great effort, and I admire greatly anyone who pushes himself to be his best.

Continued luck on your path; I’m sure with your ambition and skill, you’ll achieve everything you long for.

32

Another poster I’ve always liked. Thanks Nephorn. You too can cross a line in the sand and go after a goal that’s been eluding you. Just pull out all stops and see how much a great effort really means from within yourself.

It’s never too late…

Yeah, it’s early over here on the pacific coast…I can’t sleep :wink:

I figure I can do that when I’m dead.

33

[quote]randman wrote:
You guys are way too kind. Remember, I can be kinda of a dick sometimes on these forums :slight_smile:
[/quote]

We wouldn’t like you so much if you weren’t able to be an asshole from time to time! :wink:

34

Can’t resist…another picture.

35


One more…

36

Wow, you’ve been thru so much! Glad you are back, I always enjoyed your posts. I hope you can find some balance and stability at home so you can continue to “fly” out in the world. Are you still on meds and working with a Dr? To be perfectly honest, you sound a little manic in your posts (said with concern)

Your pics look great, too! Take good care of yourself and your little guy :slight_smile:

38

Your post was intense. Great to see you are still kicking…in very short shorts no less.

39

[quote]Jillybop wrote:
Wow, you’ve been thru so much! Glad you are back, I always enjoyed your posts. I hope you can find some balance and stability at home so you can continue to “fly” out in the world. Are you still on meds and working with a Dr? To be perfectly honest, you sound a little manic in your posts (said with concern)

Your pics look great, too! Take good care of yourself and your little guy :slight_smile:
[/quote]

Congratulations on everything.

I kind of agree with Jillybob. I’m a bit concerned that in a few more months we will be reading about the big depression that followed this euphoric period in your life.

40

[quote]Jillybop wrote:
Wow, you’ve been thru so much! Glad you are back, I always enjoyed your posts. I hope you can find some balance and stability at home so you can continue to “fly” out in the world. Are you still on meds and working with a Dr? To be perfectly honest, you sound a little manic in your posts (said with concern)

Your pics look great, too! Take good care of yourself and your little guy :slight_smile:
[/quote]

I’ll address that concern head on. As I metioned in the beginning of my post, in addition to clinical depression, I also have a slight OCD disorder as well as bipolar disorder.

The nice thing is that the slight case of OCD has served me well because I simply don’t let go of goals until I achieve them.

The slight case of bipolar disorder has also served me very well. Since I’ve been on the right anti-depressant medication dosage, my mood improved dramatically.

I now operate in a low frequency band of the bipolar disorder. This means I’m either doing good, when I’m not in the band; or I’m doing really good when I am in the low frequency band. :wink:

Considering everything I’ve been through, I’m in the low frequency band right now. I’ve never had super, super highs and super, super lows. I have no concern for crashing whatsoever.

So no need to worry, after all of the energy wears off, I’ll drop off into a comfortable good state. There will be no sharp drop offs. This is just enthusiasm at its best.

My psychiatrist told me that some of the most accomplished men in history suffered from bipolar disorder. If it is not a bad case, you can leverage this state for a lot of good which I intend to do. :slight_smile: