Funniest gym stories

Off Topic
21

Acouple of years ago I was privy to witness this little scene. A scruffy young (maybe 16) fat slob was being tutored on his squatting technique by a scruffy older (mid forties). I say “fat” but in actuality “saggy” is probably a better description. They were also wearing jeans which is a little pet peeve of mine in the gym. Anyway, the kid’s form (and the advice from his “coach”) was bad, back rounded and leaning way over the toes, but not the worst I’ve ever seen…until the end of the movement at which time the older guy, who apparently wasn’t satisfied with merely standing fully upright with the weight as a completion to the lift told him “thrust your hips forward, like you’re fuckin’ a bitch!”

I was hypnotized by the scene, needless to say. I kept waiting for one of the two to blow a disk but it didn’t happen.

22

I saw this big girl on a stationary bike barely pedaling listening to headphones and eating a family size bag of Layes potato chips This was no HOT!

23

I workout at partial rep gym where everyone including a few chics think their stronger than me. No shit people do like 1/4 or LESS of a movement and think they are awesome. Always happens after I use a machine(and only a machine) someone comes by to show me they can use more weight do 1/4 of a rep and complete 5 or 6 reps at super speed while cheating. But all that matters to them is that I did less weight…not that I did more reps in better form at a specific tempo without cheating…and doing a FULL FUCKING REP!!! This however never happends when I do barbell rows or military presses…oh that’s right noone does those. I finally SAW my first spinning class. WTF!!! The chic who is head of the class or whatever has the most annoying voice and she’s just screaming. It’s like shut the fuck up. Shut up!!! I couldn’t wait to finish my warm up to get away from her. I wish there was a gym for t-mag readers. Sigh!!! :frowning:

24

There is a gum for Tmag readers. Everybody repeat after Dorothy: There’s no place like home, ther’s no place like home…

25

There is a guy at my gym who works out alone and doesn’t ask for a spot on bench. Instead, he doesn’t put collars on the bar. He said if he gets stuck, he just tips the bar to one side, dumps the weight, then the bar flips up and the other side falls off. The funny part is that the manager of the gym doesn’t care!!!

26

But Huck we wouldn’t get the hours of amusement! Anyway this happened yesterday-I usually train at night, but because I worked afternoon shift I had to train in the morning (standing military press from 5x5 @154lbs to 4,3,2 @154!). There was this older women there doing pushdowns-pretty face, awesome body. Then a really young girl (19?)who works at the gym as a trainer came over while this older one was in the middle of a set. Suddenley the trainer yells “Stop, stop, stop! You’re swinging your arms!”. At this point they both then have a huge argument much to the amusement of the rest of the gym. They’re yelling at each other from opposite sides of the gym, and I’m trying hard not to collapse with laughter. Hilarious, but you really had to be there.

27

Tony: You either need collars if your form sucks (newbie) or if your doing some sort of quick swing motion (powerlifting movements). Otherwise, I’d advise never using them. Who knows if one day you have some freak thing happens where a muscle group supporting one side of the bar fails and the only recourse would have been to ditch the weight in that manner. I.E. Your working out late at night or really early and nobody is around to spot you. It’s a whole lot easier to just make the big crash, then try and crawl out from under the weight. Your form should be good enough so that the weight doesn’t shift much during a set. Either way he oughta know better then do try a weight he’s unsure about without a spotter. You guys oughta make it a point to laugh your asses off at him the next time he does this to deter him. Make comments like “So, you planning on dumping the weight, AGAIN?”, “What time are you planning on dumping the weight again becuase I’m taking a nap over in the corner and will be requiring a wakup call in about 35 minutes.”, “Could you warn us when you plan on starting your set beucase we don’t want to get hit by flying weights.”… That or befriend him, he might be shy about asking ‘strangers’ for help. Much of that ‘don’t talk to strangers’, has really dampered our adult communication patterns. Whetever, just tell him he can fuck your sister and things will be nice and quiet from there.

28

There was one time I was at the gym on a Saturday night, and it was almost empty. I’m doing shoulder press, and right next to me a guy is doing dumbell bench with 85’s. It seemed like he was moving the weight pretty well for his size, but as he lowered the weights after his last rep and quickly dropped the one from his right hand, he completely fell off the bench on the left side, and it was pretty ungraceful. I did a pretty good job of holding in the laughter, but it was pretty damn funny. There was nobody else even close, but I was like right next to him, so he was probably pretty embarrassed.

29

Great thread. I’m afraid that I have the story to beat them all, and in this case I was the asshole. It was my junior year of college, and I had been Olympic lifting for a while at university. I went in on one of my off days to do a little squatting. The problem was that OL made my quads grow very quickly, and while the particular pair of workout shorts that day fit fine while I was walking around (they were loose around the waist but didn’t slide up past mid quad too easily)…

Well, about set three of squats I heard this awful rip, and realized in complete horror that I had just ripped the ass out of my shorts. I mean completely, from elastic waistband to front-of-nutsack. And, to make matters even better, I had opted to freeball that day and give the underwear a miss. Fortunately, I was in the leg room at the Intramural gym, so no-one was in there with me, but I realized that I would somehow have to walk through the super-crowded upper body room to get out the door.

So, picture this – I’m standing in this goddamned squat rack, trying desperately to cover my ass with my shirt, trying to tuck the ripped short-halves back into my ass-crack. God I was freaked out, probably had that cat-just-dropped-into-the-bathtub look on my face.

If only I had some more of those fruitloops from the wife-beater threads that said “who cares what you wear, wear a leotard if you want, nobody should even be paying attention, real men don’t notice anything!!!” around that day, because as I waddled out through the main room, I would have shown them a glimpse of my glow-in-the-dark white ass and then observed how good a workout they got. As it was, I got some pretty strange looks, with my ass held unnaturally tight (I did in fact tuck the shorts into my asscrack) and my shirt surreptitiously pulled low.

My ordeal was almost over, but my heart sank when I hit the hallway of this busy building and realized that I had loaned my girlfriend my car, and that she wouldn’t be there to pick my up for another hour. So I shuffled halfway across the building, waited in line (!) for a payphone, and called her with what she later described as “a poor sad little boy” voice.

The final obstacle was finding a place to wait it out. A corner or chair would have been great, but they were in short supply. So I went onto the main entrance steps, and sat. This presented another problem – the material could not be manipulated to effectively cover me in a sitting position (thus the original tear), so I could either show scrote to the people in front of me coming into the building or asscrack to the people behind. It was a free show for anyone that was paying attention to the redhaired guy with the pained expression sitting in his shorts in the February morning…

Finally my girlfriend showed up. She did her level best to keep a straight face, but it didn’t last.

30

haha, I woulda just said fuck it dude. Just shoulda taken all your clothes off and ran out of there naked. Ever see any Jackass episodes? No shame man… REAL T-men have no shame. :wink:

31

I have no words… only tears

32

LOL to the ripped shorts guy. That’s also happened to me once when I was doing deep squats. Luckily I don’t really give a damn what other people think, so I just walked out of the gym in my briefs.

33

To repeat – I had no briefs on. I was, at the end of that fateful rep, “tackle out”. To respond to the “be a real man, let your balls hang out, swing right out of there like Paul fucking Bunyan at the nudie beach, people won’t care!” T-men that are thinking about replying to this, maybe that kind of thing is OK where you live. But in the great state of Michigan we have laws about walking around with the package on display, and the IM is definitely not a hardcore gym where meatheads would just laugh and commisserate. My drafty ass would have been thrown in the clink, and one of the worst places to be with no rear-end garb would be the Lansing jail (shudder) :o

34

I concede!!! The prize goes to redman!

35

Man redman, and I thought my story was good. Holy shit man…wow…that is like… unbelievable…