[quote]pxlitup wrote:
So you want your friend to be with more women before settling down, but at the same time you’re holding his fiance’s “failed” relationships against her by assuming that she’s driven away the men in her past. That seems inconsistent.
If she seems to genuinely like your friend and they get on well and she’s basically affectionate, bugger off.
Otherwise, have you considered writing a fable?[/quote]
In that regard, I just think he’s shortchanging himself by going all-in with the very first girl who shows him interest. I hold it against her when she’s using it as leverage to tell me I don’t know anything about relationships, aside from that, I don’t really care.
They do get along well, but I’m 99% sure it’s because he’s pussywhipped. I’ve never heard them get into any kind of argument since they started dating. He did get loud once when they were dealing with something with her father, but I’ve never seen him get mad at her, even when she does shit that should be getting him upset, which rest assured she does plenty. He just let’s her do it and acts like it didn’t happen.
What’s this talk about a fable now? You mean like Aesop’s fables?
[quote]roguevampire wrote:
I think you should just let him find out things on his own. Nothing you say will change his mind about her. He needs to learn these things from his experiences with her.[/quote]
This is what I’ve been inclined to think this whole time.
[quote]roguevampire wrote:
I do agree, that bringing up past relationships is bad idea. I for one, don’t want to hear about all the other dudes the girl banged. The last thing i want to feel is being in competition with her previous boyfriends. [/quote]
Wouldn’t that be your own insecurities making you feel like you’re incompetition with them?
[/quote]
Holy shit! Did you just call RV insecure? You know he is kind of a big deal around here, he has posted pictures of himself and everything.
[/quote]
No, I asked him a question. Frankly, I think he was playing devil’s advocate because I don’t see him giving a flying fuck about his SO’s past lovers’ prowess in bed. Doesn’t seem to be his MO to care about stuff like that.
[quote]imhungry wrote:
Questions: Does your friend complain about her often?
Does he seem happy?[/quote]
He NEVER complains about her.
He’s a very docile individual. Slow to anger, easy to get along with. The perfect type for a succubus to take advantage of. But he does seem very happy. I know, don’t mess with the happiness. I’m just worried that he’ll start to change his tune down the road and he should just take more time to make sure he’s doing the right thing. But I know, he’s gotta learn for himself. Or I’m completely wrong, which would be great.
[quote]imhungry wrote:
Questions: Does your friend complain about her often?
Does he seem happy?[/quote]
He NEVER complains about her.
He’s a very docile individual. Slow to anger, easy to get along with. The perfect type for a succubus to take advantage of. But he does seem very happy. I know, don’t mess with the happiness. I’m just worried that he’ll start to change his tune down the road and he should just take more time to make sure he’s doing the right thing. But I know, he’s gotta learn for himself. Or I’m completely wrong, which would be great.[/quote]
It’s cool that you care, but I’d stay out of it.
Also, I don’t believe in “failed” relationships or marriages. People aren’t always compatible for long term, that’s all. Imo, at least.
Obviously, you are outta line if you think you can dictate who your friend is allowed to marry. It’s also pretty obvious that putting him in the position of having to referee an argument between you and his girlfriend over THEIR relationship is a disastrous clusterfuck.
That being said, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with stressing what a commitment marriage is and letting him know that there’s nothing wrong with slowing his roll until he gets a better idea of the long-term potential for their relationship.
Don’t make it personal (i.e., don’t tell him why he shouldn’t marry HER). Just make sure he understands that it’s kinda a big deal and it’s not something he should do just to make his gf happy or to get her off his back. Marriage isn’t the type of thing you want to be nagged into.
As his friend, you gotta support his final decision (don’t try to manipulate him or sulk if he doesn’t agree with you)… but that doesn’t mean you should play bobblehead to every decision he makes, no matter how hasty or ill-conceived.
Unless you’ve been around the block a few times regarding women, which you haven’t as evidenced by the existence of this post, shut the fuck up and let your buddy do his own thing. You could give him advice, but really, who are you kidding? You’re renting a fucking room from him. Perhaps you should be asking HIM for advice about finances and that sort of thing.
Find your own place. This is all just a smokescreen from the girlfriend to get YOU the fuck out of THEIR home.
[quote]SkyzykS wrote:
I think that your comfy living arrangement with this docile host is being threatened by the presence of someone else and you are trying to defend it.
I would kick you out and bang her on your furniture.
In that regard, I just think he’s shortchanging himself by going all-in with the very first girl who shows him interest. I hold it against her when she’s using it as leverage to tell me I don’t know anything about relationships, aside from that, I don’t really care.[/quote]
Well, it sounds like she had every right to make that argument. You were being condescending, assuming that you know more about relationships than she does despite the fact that (a) she’s in a happy, stable one and you are not and (b) she has more experience than you do.
How could he be pussywhipped if they never quarreled enough for her to establish a pattern of withholding?
As for the acquiescence, maybe he doesn’t fuss because he’s happy when she’s happy.
I mean that if you’re going to pursue this relationship intervention stuff you may as well start writing fables and asking your friend to read them, thinly guised allegories about his current situation. For example, something about a young buck rabbit who mates with a bitchy, manipulative mole because all the does in his warren were taken. Then the following spring the previous litter has come of age but he’s already committed to the first mole he shamefully clambered onto.
And that rabbit spent the rest of his days forraging for their beautiful, sightless children.
Imagine the look he would give you after reading that. That’s the face he’s going to make regardless of how you choose to make your point. So go ahead, write him a fable.
Alternatively, you could man up and seduce her in front of a nanny cam, e-mail him the footage and get out of Dodge.
No one’s mentioned this yet, but that is an option.
[quote]ouroboro_s wrote:
Don’t give relationship advice. It’s not for you to do. They will do what they want. What makes you think you have answers that they don’t. You’re barely more than a child yourself.
Move out and get your own place.
Your psych degree is meaningless in this context and if you ever hope to get laid again, don’t, for god’s sake say shit like “I have a Psych degree, which adds a significant level of validity to what I would have to say”. Anyone worth being with will smother you in your sleep.
Finally, being smug is not a good thing. See above regarding getting smothered.
[/quote]
Haha, smug abounds around here. I knew going into this that I would get flamed, it’s inevitable when you start these types of threads.
The psych degree thing came into the picture after we had already been going back and forth for quite a while. I really only pulled that card because I was getting frustrated, she was talking to me like I was a high school drop-out or some shit. It was half to remind her I was just as educated as anyone else living in that house. For the most part, all our points had already been made and we were beginning to sound like a broken record.
Don’t worry, that isn’t one of my lines when I meet women. I don’t even mention my education until they ask. I can get laid just fine, that’s not what this thread is about. I suppose it’s tradition here that someone will comment on my ability to pull women, even if it has nothing to do with what we’re talking about.
[quote]TDub301 wrote:
I can get laid just fine, that’s not what this thread is about.[/quote]
It is now.
[quote]
I suppose it’s tradition here that someone will comment on my ability to pull women, even if it has nothing to do with what we’re talking about.[/quote]
Yes it does.
How much give a fuck would you have if you were busy putting the pipe to a woman instead of listening to him do it when you aren’t?
OP - Your analysis of the situation seems accurate enough and considering how many dudes go one-and-done without a whimper, it’s not bad idea to share your thoughts. But that is all you can do.
Just don’t be surprised if it has little/no effect, or even creates some distance. (but hey, if you’re right about her and they end up together anyway, then after the divorce, even he’ll say ‘you were right about her’ and then you win)
[quote]ouroboro_s wrote:
Don’t give relationship advice. It’s not for you to do. They will do what they want. What makes you think you have answers that they don’t. You’re barely more than a child yourself.
Move out and get your own place.
Your psych degree is meaningless in this context and if you ever hope to get laid again, don’t, for god’s sake say shit like “I have a Psych degree, which adds a significant level of validity to what I would have to say”. Anyone worth being with will smother you in your sleep.
Finally, being smug is not a good thing. See above regarding getting smothered.
[/quote]
QFT
She pretty much said what I was thinking. Take a step back and if you are ACTUALLY worried about him, stop giving “advice” because you seem to think you know what is best and maybe (maybe) if you are friends, express your concerns.
[quote]imhungry wrote:
Questions: Does your friend complain about her often?
Does he seem happy?[/quote]
He NEVER complains about her.
He’s a very docile individual. Slow to anger, easy to get along with. The perfect type for a succubus to take advantage of. But he does seem very happy. I know, don’t mess with the happiness. I’m just worried that he’ll start to change his tune down the road and he should just take more time to make sure he’s doing the right thing. But I know, he’s gotta learn for himself. Or I’m completely wrong, which would be great.[/quote]
If she really is bad for him then you should move out quickly to give him more time before they get married to live alone with her. If she is really a bad control freak and your friend is a pussy then you’re probably going to lose him anyways. He’s not going to have much time for anyways after he has a kid with her. So you’ll probably lose him as a friend. Might as well put the friendship on the line. Not just blindly support him into ruining his life like a “good friend” would do.
I don’t know how you’d tell him he’s inexperienced with women, but you try to tell him that she’s a control freak and not a good match for him in a nice way. A woman doesn’t pressure a man repeatedly into marrying him in front of others. Maybe say there are better women out there and stuff. Don’t tell him until after you move out or as you’re loading up the last of your stuff. Plant the seeds of doubt and see if they sprout. All you can do. Just don’t say anything that will push them closer together.