Emily's Playground aka Let's Process our Feelings III

Off Topic
362

[quote]Chushin wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]Chushin wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]Chushin wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

If any of the countries associated with me (and fine housing) are causing you and yours heartache, I apologize.

[/quote]

Like a dog with a new bone are you.

(Sorry; more than 4 words)[/quote]

Feeling pretty chatty, are you? lol

How are you doing? Any feelings to process?[/quote]

:slight_smile:

I’m well, thanks.

Feelings? Hmmmm.

I guess I’ve been acutely aware of my own mortality lately.

A teacher of mine died suddenly, the mother of a good friend passed away – to be followed by his brother a week later, and my own mother turned 85 this summer.

Oh, and I finally bought my first Official Japanese Funeral Suit to wear to future sad events.

Like I said: mortality.
[/quote]

My mother died when I was 21 and my last natural grandparent (the only one alive through my childhood) a year later. My father died almost 15 years ago now. Every one of them from heart attacks, so from my perspective they each simply dropped dead one day. I’m very death-aware, not so much of my own mortality, but others’. I’m terrified that my best friend will drop dead, or that Hockey will.

There are positives here for me. I embrace very tightly the people I love, tend to think that if something is a good idea that we should do it now rather than later, and take very little for granted.

On the down side, I’m pretty much a nervous wreck waiting for what few people I have left to topple over and never get back up.

Do you believe in an afterlife, Chushin?[/quote]

Wow, Em, that’s powerful stuff.

I’m not sure, but I think I’m glad that you and I are not REAL close – I’d hate to have someone waiting for me to keel over! :wink:

No, no afterlife for me. Just a nap that never ends and a soon-forgotten memory of one’s existence.
[/quote]

Put that way it sounds like I’d be anticipating your potential sudden death, rather than something more like dreading it. No need to worry! I don’t think I’m the cause of all these deaths.

363

I worry about mortality when I look at my son. He’ll graduate high school when i’m 58. Best to stay in the moment and enjoy them as they happen.
At the moment we’re having omelets with bavarian ham, shredded meunster and sauted fresh sulpher shelf mushrooms.

365

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]Chushin wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]Chushin wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]Chushin wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

If any of the countries associated with me (and fine housing) are causing you and yours heartache, I apologize.

[/quote]

Like a dog with a new bone are you.

(Sorry; more than 4 words)[/quote]

Feeling pretty chatty, are you? lol

How are you doing? Any feelings to process?[/quote]

:slight_smile:

I’m well, thanks.

Feelings? Hmmmm.

I guess I’ve been acutely aware of my own mortality lately.

A teacher of mine died suddenly, the mother of a good friend passed away – to be followed by his brother a week later, and my own mother turned 85 this summer.

Oh, and I finally bought my first Official Japanese Funeral Suit to wear to future sad events.

Like I said: mortality.
[/quote]

My mother died when I was 21 and my last natural grandparent (the only one alive through my childhood) a year later. My father died almost 15 years ago now. Every one of them from heart attacks, so from my perspective they each simply dropped dead one day. I’m very death-aware, not so much of my own mortality, but others’. I’m terrified that my best friend will drop dead, or that Hockey will.

There are positives here for me. I embrace very tightly the people I love, tend to think that if something is a good idea that we should do it now rather than later, and take very little for granted.

On the down side, I’m pretty much a nervous wreck waiting for what few people I have left to topple over and never get back up.

Do you believe in an afterlife, Chushin?[/quote]

Wow, Em, that’s powerful stuff.

I’m not sure, but I think I’m glad that you and I are not REAL close – I’d hate to have someone waiting for me to keel over! :wink:

No, no afterlife for me. Just a nap that never ends and a soon-forgotten memory of one’s existence.
[/quote]

Put that way it sounds like I’d be anticipating your potential sudden death, rather than something more like dreading it. No need to worry! I don’t think I’m the cause of all these deaths.[/quote]

Last month I sat at the deathbed of my son. During his last night he became agitated, pointed upwards and said “Look, don’t you see?”, caught the head of my wife and tried to turn it to show her. A little while later he asked my to turn him on his side, looked at me and smiled, and that was it…

I rather think he is still around somehow.

TQB

366

[quote]TQB wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]Chushin wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]Chushin wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]Chushin wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

If any of the countries associated with me (and fine housing) are causing you and yours heartache, I apologize.

[/quote]

Like a dog with a new bone are you.

(Sorry; more than 4 words)[/quote]

Feeling pretty chatty, are you? lol

How are you doing? Any feelings to process?[/quote]

:slight_smile:

I’m well, thanks.

Feelings? Hmmmm.

I guess I’ve been acutely aware of my own mortality lately.

A teacher of mine died suddenly, the mother of a good friend passed away – to be followed by his brother a week later, and my own mother turned 85 this summer.

Oh, and I finally bought my first Official Japanese Funeral Suit to wear to future sad events.

Like I said: mortality.
[/quote]

My mother died when I was 21 and my last natural grandparent (the only one alive through my childhood) a year later. My father died almost 15 years ago now. Every one of them from heart attacks, so from my perspective they each simply dropped dead one day. I’m very death-aware, not so much of my own mortality, but others’. I’m terrified that my best friend will drop dead, or that Hockey will.

There are positives here for me. I embrace very tightly the people I love, tend to think that if something is a good idea that we should do it now rather than later, and take very little for granted.

On the down side, I’m pretty much a nervous wreck waiting for what few people I have left to topple over and never get back up.

Do you believe in an afterlife, Chushin?[/quote]

Wow, Em, that’s powerful stuff.

I’m not sure, but I think I’m glad that you and I are not REAL close – I’d hate to have someone waiting for me to keel over! :wink:

No, no afterlife for me. Just a nap that never ends and a soon-forgotten memory of one’s existence.
[/quote]

Put that way it sounds like I’d be anticipating your potential sudden death, rather than something more like dreading it. No need to worry! I don’t think I’m the cause of all these deaths.[/quote]

Last month I sat at the deathbed of my son. During his last night he became agitated, pointed upwards and said “Look, don’t you see?”, caught the head of my wife and tried to turn it to show her. A little while later he asked my to turn him on his side, looked at me and smiled, and that was it…

I rather think he is still around somehow.

TQB
[/quote]

Fucking cancer…

367

[quote]orion wrote:

Fucking cancer…[/quote]

You said it.

368

[quote]TQB wrote:

Last month I sat at the deathbed of my son. During his last night he became agitated, pointed upwards and said “Look, don’t you see?”, caught the head of my wife and tried to turn it to show her. A little while later he asked my to turn him on his side, looked at me and smiled, and that was it…

I rather think he is still around somehow.

TQB
[/quote]

I have been present at two deaths, and have witnessed similar phenomena. Like you, I lean toward afterlife, though Chushin’s long nap would be okay.

But more importantly, my heart hurt reading your post, and I’m sorry beyond words for your loss.

369

On the subject of death and feelings, Hockey and I watched a movie about a woman who looked to be maybe mid-sixties and had lost her husband 20 years earlier. She lost her elderly labrador early in the movie, and the rest of the movie was focused on her trying to come to terms with things, ultimately entering a romantic relationship, the first since her husband’s death, and then losing that when he dies abruptly.

Anyway, one of the ending scenes has her dusting the mantle where her husband’s ashes are kept, now with the box containing the dog alongside.

So the next day I’m thinking about it and I ask Hockey what he wants to do with his body, which conversation I believe we’ve had before and we were both a little unclear, with both of us saying “probably cremation” but uncertain as to what next. His family is centered in one place, mine is not (dead people, that is). We talked about dividing ashes, having a burial spot, etc, and I wound up having this big, absurd crying reaction to the whole thing (awkward) and telling him that I would like to keep his ashes, though I of course understand if he wants his kids or sister to have them or decide or whatever.

And I’m sort of blown away, because I am SO unsentimental about the things that accompany death. My parents spent my entire life railing against the funeral industry, and in my father’s case, demanding to be put out with the garbage. When the time came I cremated him and had him put in a plain box and when I was able to deal with it buried him in a very nice spot. It wasn’t my father in that box, and I didn’t feel any desire to talk to it or hold it or whatever.

For reasons unclear to me, I feel differently now. I don’t see myself dating again if Hockey dies. I just can’t imagine that it could be anything but a disappointment, and I think I’d rather hang out with his ashes than a different alive man. Of course that could change, but right now I feel like I would never get past losing him, and wouldn’t care to. I feel like I would want to keep his ashes close, even though I’ve always sort of judged people who kept their people on the mantle.

It’s all a little confusing.

371

[quote]TQB wrote:

Last month I sat at the deathbed of my son. During his last night he became agitated, pointed upwards and said “Look, don’t you see?”, caught the head of my wife and tried to turn it to show her. A little while later he asked my to turn him on his side, looked at me and smiled, and that was it…

I rather think he is still around somehow.

TQB
[/quote]

That is heartbreaking, my sincere condolences.

I know this has been a long painful struggle for you and he.

372

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
On the subject of death and feelings, Hockey and I watched a movie about a woman who looked to be maybe mid-sixties and had lost her husband 20 years earlier. She lost her elderly labrador early in the movie, and the rest of the movie was focused on her trying to come to terms with things, ultimately entering a romantic relationship, the first since her husband’s death, and then losing that when he dies abruptly.

Anyway, one of the ending scenes has her dusting the mantle where her husband’s ashes are kept, now with the box containing the dog alongside.

So the next day I’m thinking about it and I ask Hockey what he wants to do with his body, which conversation I believe we’ve had before and we were both a little unclear, with both of us saying “probably cremation” but uncertain as to what next. His family is centered in one place, mine is not (dead people, that is). We talked about dividing ashes, having a burial spot, etc, and I wound up having this big, absurd crying reaction to the whole thing (awkward) and telling him that I would like to keep his ashes, though I of course understand if he wants his kids or sister to have them or decide or whatever.

And I’m sort of blown away, because I am SO unsentimental about the things that accompany death. My parents spent my entire life railing against the funeral industry, and in my father’s case, demanding to be put out with the garbage. When the time came I cremated him and had him put in a plain box and when I was able to deal with it buried him in a very nice spot. It wasn’t my father in that box, and I didn’t feel any desire to talk to it or hold it or whatever.

For reasons unclear to me, I feel differently now. I don’t see myself dating again if Hockey dies. I just can’t imagine that it could be anything but a disappointment, and I think I’d rather hang out with his ashes than a different alive man. Of course that could change, but right now I feel like I would never get past losing him, and wouldn’t care to. I feel like I would want to keep his ashes close, even though I’ve always sort of judged people who kept their people on the mantle.

It’s all a little confusing.

[/quote]

I have my dad’s ashes at my cabin and my mom asked if we should do something with them (they were divorced). I told her no, that was his favorite place in the world why do anything else.

Years ago I took a guy hunting there for the first time and we were sitting around the table doing shots. I did a toast to dad and tapped the black box sitting on the table.

Did another shot and same thing, tapped the box. The guy asked me why I tapped the box and I told him “that’s dad’s ashes”. He almost fell out of his chair. Apparently that’s not normal.

I keep him under the bar now with Grandma.

373

[quote]Testy1 wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
On the subject of death and feelings, Hockey and I watched a movie about a woman who looked to be maybe mid-sixties and had lost her husband 20 years earlier. She lost her elderly labrador early in the movie, and the rest of the movie was focused on her trying to come to terms with things, ultimately entering a romantic relationship, the first since her husband’s death, and then losing that when he dies abruptly.

Anyway, one of the ending scenes has her dusting the mantle where her husband’s ashes are kept, now with the box containing the dog alongside.

So the next day I’m thinking about it and I ask Hockey what he wants to do with his body, which conversation I believe we’ve had before and we were both a little unclear, with both of us saying “probably cremation” but uncertain as to what next. His family is centered in one place, mine is not (dead people, that is). We talked about dividing ashes, having a burial spot, etc, and I wound up having this big, absurd crying reaction to the whole thing (awkward) and telling him that I would like to keep his ashes, though I of course understand if he wants his kids or sister to have them or decide or whatever.

And I’m sort of blown away, because I am SO unsentimental about the things that accompany death. My parents spent my entire life railing against the funeral industry, and in my father’s case, demanding to be put out with the garbage. When the time came I cremated him and had him put in a plain box and when I was able to deal with it buried him in a very nice spot. It wasn’t my father in that box, and I didn’t feel any desire to talk to it or hold it or whatever.

For reasons unclear to me, I feel differently now. I don’t see myself dating again if Hockey dies. I just can’t imagine that it could be anything but a disappointment, and I think I’d rather hang out with his ashes than a different alive man. Of course that could change, but right now I feel like I would never get past losing him, and wouldn’t care to. I feel like I would want to keep his ashes close, even though I’ve always sort of judged people who kept their people on the mantle.

It’s all a little confusing.

[/quote]

I have my dad’s ashes at my cabin and my mom asked if we should do something with them (they were divorced). I told her no, that was his favorite place in the world why do anything else.

Years ago I took a guy hunting there for the first time and we were sitting around the table doing shots. I did a toast to dad and tapped the black box sitting on the table.

Did another shot and same thing, tapped the box. The guy asked me why I tapped the box and I told him “that’s dad’s ashes”. He almost fell out of his chair. Apparently that’s not normal.

I keep him under the bar now with Grandma.
[/quote]

That last line surprised a laugh out of me.

I feel like I’d want to carry Hockey around with me - to the living room to watch TV, on the counter while I cook, nightstand when it’s bedtime - but maybe I’m still in the infatuation stage and that will change.

374

625×737 55.3 KB

o_O

375

[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:
o_O[/quote]

I’m confused about this. . . what am I looking at? A vibrator, right? But what’s the rest of it?

376
377

[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:
http://www.dezeen.com/2015/04/26/21-grams-sex-toy-contains-ashes-of-dead-partner-mark-sturkenboom/[/quote]

You’ve blown my mind. Just. . .blown it.

378

We’ve been laughing about that one above at work since the local radio hosts did a skit about it. My buddy asked if I would want that. I responded- ’ No. Knowing my wife, she’d have me turned into a fleshlight! '.

379

[quote]SkyzykS wrote:
We’ve been laughing about that one above at work since the local radio hosts did a skit about it. My buddy asked if I would want that. I responded- ’ No. Knowing my wife, she’d have me turned into a fleshlight! '.[/quote]

So you’re saying that. . .your wife would give your ashes over to other men?

Hmm. I definitely - and here this may be the infatuation stage thing talking again, though we’re a month away from our second dating anniversary, which heralds the official end of the phase, and far end at that (infatuation lasts 6 mo-2 yrs) - anyway, I definitely can’t see allowing anyone to, er, interfere with Hockey in that particular way.

I know he likes it when I interfere with him, but I’m not sure I’m going to be in the mood very much once he’s dead. There’s just something about a corporeal body that makes me hot.

380

Yesterday was the two year anniversary of Hockey messaging me on Match.om, though the message went to spam and I didn’t see it for another week or so because I was afraid to go online and get that stalking hunter guy stirred up.

Anyway, I wouldn’t have realized it but Tuesday night while we were on the phone having the day’s catch-up, I commented that I’d gotten everything I asked for in my Match profile. Then I wondered if he had, but he doesn’t remember what he said in it. Our first emails came to my regular account with a partial profile attached, so I searched back to read the blurb that came with him (he did get everything he asked for except downhill skiing, which I can do but not with enough skill to be a good companion for him). Anyway, and the date on it was yesterday.

When I woke this morning it was in the middle of a dream. I had a man (a client maybe) at the house (not my real house, though) and was showing him around because he and his family were going to stay there while we were gone. As we were walking back into the kitchen Hockey and a couple of my boys walked in the back door. I introduced them to the guy and was happy and proud of them all, but what woke me was the good feeling I had specifically toward Hockey. Just this incredibly pleased feeling that got big enough to wake me up. Weird. But nice.

I can’t even begin to articulate how much I adore him and how easy, calm, and joyous this relationship is. I hope so much that he feels the exact same way.