[quote]SmilingPolitely wrote:
I’m sorry if it sounded like I was arguing with you, Derek. Maybe my choice of words were unclear? Please don’t crush my bones to make your bread!![/quote]
Lol no way, I did not think either one of you were arguing.
[quote]Derek542 wrote:
I was actually speaking from the real world perspective. My wife’s X is a dead beat, actually owes $125K in back support.
My wife had official custody but one year he filed early and claimed one of the kids “his favorite” and do you really believe the IRS cared?
We would have had to go back to court and cost more money then we would have gotten if we won. So there was no point.
Thus why my lawyer told me what he did. Now if it was like Tiger Woods and his wife that is one thing but middle class divorced people do not have the time or the money to contest. [/quote]
My comment about your lawyer’s statement being wrong was probably a little simplistic when considering real world scenarios.
There is nothing on a tax return to indicate to the IRS who has custody of a child other than the tax payer claiming he/she can claim when they sign the return. If you have the right to claim the exemption, and a deadbeat ex beats you to the punch, you simply file your return and take the exemption to which you are entitled. Triple check all your math and make sure the return is correct, then mail it in (you won’t be able to file it electronically, as the IRS will kick it out). They will send you your refund, or accept your payment. You then forget about it until October or so, when the IRS will get around to sending you both a notice explaining that the deduction was taken twice, and one of you must amend your return. If you have the right to the exemption, you do nothing at this point. If the other party does not amend their return, they can select his, yours, or both for audit and will request that you both prove the claim. The one who incorrectly claimed the exemption then pays a penalty + interest + all taxes due and all is right with the world. You should be the only one who can prove the claim, so at this point you are done.
It’s a pain in the ass, but they can’t just take what’s yours because they filed quickly. Note that this is an IRS process and does not take the lower court into account whatsoever, so even if the lower court had allowed the non custodial parent the exemption, the IRS doesn’t care, they cant provide proof, and the agreement itself is not proof. Custodial parent gets the claim. They would then have to go to the family court and have you held in contempt.
[quote]Derek542 wrote:
[quote]SmilingPolitely wrote:
I’m sorry if it sounded like I was arguing with you, Derek. Maybe my choice of words were unclear? Please don’t crush my bones to make your bread!![/quote]
Lol no way, I did not think either one of you were arguing. [/quote]
Well damn. It never occurred to me to check back at the posts that may have popped up while I was writing my thesis. Doh!!
Apparently you boys already had the subject well covered 
[quote]Kayrob wrote:
[quote]Derek542 wrote:
I was actually speaking from the real world perspective. My wife’s X is a dead beat, actually owes $125K in back support.
My wife had official custody but one year he filed early and claimed one of the kids “his favorite” and do you really believe the IRS cared?
We would have had to go back to court and cost more money then we would have gotten if we won. So there was no point.
Thus why my lawyer told me what he did. Now if it was like Tiger Woods and his wife that is one thing but middle class divorced people do not have the time or the money to contest. [/quote]
My comment about your lawyer’s statement being wrong was probably a little simplistic when considering real world scenarios.
There is nothing on a tax return to indicate to the IRS who has custody of a child other than the tax payer claiming he/she can claim when they sign the return. If you have the right to claim the exemption, and a deadbeat ex beats you to the punch, you simply file your return and take the exemption to which you are entitled. Triple check all your math and make sure the return is correct, then mail it in (you won’t be able to file it electronically, as the IRS will kick it out). They will send you your refund, or accept your payment. You then forget about it until October or so, when the IRS will get around to sending you both a notice explaining that the deduction was taken twice, and one of you must amend your return. If you have the right to the exemption, you do nothing at this point. If the other party does not amend their return, they can select his, yours, or both for audit and will request that you both prove the claim. The one who incorrectly claimed the exemption then pays a penalty + interest + all taxes due and all is right with the world. You should be the only one who can prove the claim, so at this point you are done.
It’s a pain in the ass, but they can’t just take what’s yours because they filed quickly. Note that this is an IRS process and does not take the lower court into account whatsoever, so even if the lower court had allowed the non custodial parent the exemption, the IRS doesn’t care, they cant provide proof, and the agreement itself is not proof. Custodial parent gets the claim. They would then have to go to the family court and have you held in contempt.[/quote]
Thanks for even more clarity. Its a moot point for us now the youngest is 19 and her X has not had a “legal” job in about 8 years lol.
[quote]Derek542 wrote:
[quote]Kayrob wrote:
[quote]Derek542 wrote:
I was actually speaking from the real world perspective. My wife’s X is a dead beat, actually owes $125K in back support.
My wife had official custody but one year he filed early and claimed one of the kids “his favorite” and do you really believe the IRS cared?
We would have had to go back to court and cost more money then we would have gotten if we won. So there was no point.
Thus why my lawyer told me what he did. Now if it was like Tiger Woods and his wife that is one thing but middle class divorced people do not have the time or the money to contest. [/quote]
My comment about your lawyer’s statement being wrong was probably a little simplistic when considering real world scenarios.
There is nothing on a tax return to indicate to the IRS who has custody of a child other than the tax payer claiming he/she can claim when they sign the return. If you have the right to claim the exemption, and a deadbeat ex beats you to the punch, you simply file your return and take the exemption to which you are entitled. Triple check all your math and make sure the return is correct, then mail it in (you won’t be able to file it electronically, as the IRS will kick it out). They will send you your refund, or accept your payment. You then forget about it until October or so, when the IRS will get around to sending you both a notice explaining that the deduction was taken twice, and one of you must amend your return. If you have the right to the exemption, you do nothing at this point. If the other party does not amend their return, they can select his, yours, or both for audit and will request that you both prove the claim. The one who incorrectly claimed the exemption then pays a penalty + interest + all taxes due and all is right with the world. You should be the only one who can prove the claim, so at this point you are done.
It’s a pain in the ass, but they can’t just take what’s yours because they filed quickly. Note that this is an IRS process and does not take the lower court into account whatsoever, so even if the lower court had allowed the non custodial parent the exemption, the IRS doesn’t care, they cant provide proof, and the agreement itself is not proof. Custodial parent gets the claim. They would then have to go to the family court and have you held in contempt.[/quote]
Thanks for even more clarity. Its a moot point for us now the youngest is 19 and her X has not had a “legal” job in about 8 years lol. [/quote]
I’m on the tail end of it still, but when I hear the horror stories I am so glad my ex and I never got to that point. I gladly pay for my child, and I get unlimited access whenever I want. Even so, I will be glad to have it in my rear view mirror like you.
This issue also comes up when teenagers move out and both the parent and the kid take the deduction, so it’s not specifically related to divorce.
[quote]twojarslave wrote:
$68 per week is, according to her, based on a minimum-wage income he had many years ago. [/quote]
My ex-wife makes about $65,000/year and I only get $71/week in child support.
I have absolutely no legal knowledge of any sort on this matter but with the kid being 14 and there being only presumably 4 more years of support/visitation, not to mention the time it will take to get this all in place, it really seems like it wouldn’t be worth it. The return is minimal at best but you can be that if she tries dragging the dad through all this it will inject some real vitriol into the situation. I would say suck it up for the next 4 years and be proud of the fact you never put your child through the ringer.
Thanks everyone for the very thoughtful replies.
To be clear, I am the one who suggested getting a lawyer and sticking it to the guy. The scope of his asshole behavior extends far beyond what I’ve detailed here and I have zero respect or sympathy for this tool. I was not exaggerating when I said that a lack of physical abuse is probably his most redeeming quality as a father.
So yeah, I don’t really like the guy very much, which is partly why I sought all of your opinions on the matter. I am not exactly impartial.
The mother, on the other hand, really just wants to minimize her dealings with him week-to-week, as nearly every visit turns into an exercise in frustration for her and some level of disappointment for her son. She is perfectly fine with him seeing the boy whenever he wants to, but it is rather silly to have an agreement in place that has 100% compliance from her and, at best, 20% compliance from him. She also feels (rightfully so, in my opinion) that he has no real right to claim the boy on his taxes.
It may be that the father agrees to her terms outright, but I suspect he will fight it simply because he is a spiteful and mean-spirited son of a bitch.
I will be sharing this information with her and I will update this thread somewhere down the line when it all shakes out.
Again, thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts on this situation.
-twojarslave
Taking info from several of these different posts, I would think she could probably go ahead and claim the kid as an exemption on her taxes. If/when the IRS comes knocking, she shows that she has custody and that it is the deadbeat who is in error. I doubt he would go so far as to take her to court, and if he does, then she can whip out the journal and show all the back payments he has not made, etc etc.
But as far as her taking the lead in going back to court, I agree - probably not worth the effort for a possible change that will be in effect for a very short (relatively) time.
As for him not respecting court ordered visitation, when you are dealing scrap out of the back of your truck, does that strike anyone as the model of stability? But we expect stability from everyone who happens to bust a nut… The way I see it, she spread her legs for a dirt bag, got knocked up, decided to keep it KNOWING he was not interested, and forced the issue. Then keeps a journal and wants to drag an obviously unstable person through the coals for a choice SHE made and he had no say in. Dude is paying his money most of the time. He sees the kid occasionally. He isn’t ABUSIVE… Why inject the court system into what is clearly a private matter?
–I realize this is an old post but this particular reply to it just made me almost scream at the screen!–>>>
Sounds like u think she should’ve killed a child THEY created - that’s the epitome of responsibility right? Wow.
Whatever happened to “man up” and TAKE responsibility for your actions?
I mean they both knew full well a pregnancy could occur cause I’m pretty sure our schools still teach that garbled in with all the “gender fluid” bullshit.
So THEY create a life, and she should’ve not only murdered a baby, but also put her body and mind through hell to do it?
That’s such a load of crap. We all know that sex can create life–that’s why the drive is there remember-yet when a girl gets pregnant “out of wedlock” some in society think murder is justified. Good thing our mothers didn’t consider their pregnancies inconvenient huh?
Between frickin abortion and that LGBT craziness, it looks like we have a portion of society who could give a damn about what sex is about. Procreation and marital unity. But oh wait, now there’s frickin’ same sex “marriage” cause that is such a great way to part with millennia of marriage between heterosexual. Even the frickin ancient Romans who were all fine with homosexual acts didn’t grant marital status to same sec couples. It’s an oxyfrickinmoron - same sex marriage.
But that’s one way to decrease abortions now ain’t it?
I’m so disgusted by the line of thinking that says, "Do what you want. If u get pregnant it’s legal to terminate the life you created because you and or your partner aren’t ready. ". Or “Hey, you knocked a girl up. Don’t worry she can kill the baby and your sorry ass will not have to pay child support.”
Looks to me like this particular male has an issue similar to so many others: no sense of personal responsibility and no work ethic.
But here you blame HER alone for “choosing” to have the child. Typical “pro-choice” attitude. It should be a given, not a choice.
This is simply ridiculous. Anyone with such an attitude must still need weaned off the tit them self cause an “adult” equates to taking responsibility regardless of how challenging or how much work it takes.
I hope anyone who thinks like this is smart enough to educate themselves enough to realize that a woman can’t impregnate herself, and the sonbitch that does it had a choice to keep his pecker in his pants just as much as she had a choice to permit entrance.
If you’re gonna dance, you gotta pay the fiddler! She’s good enough to care for THEIR child so HE needs to be man enough to do his share and then some. Frickin loser.