“What do normal people do?”
I have no idea don’t know any!
But joint accounts work for some, separate accounts work for others. Just take a deep breath and you two will get it figured out. Trial and error. Good Luck
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Today is the big day! Hockey and I close on our house at three and start moving in together. Very excited, very nervous.[/quote]
Congratulations.
Well, pretty much all my stuff is in storage except… the TV, the grill, and the cookware.
Funny how that works.
For the most part it doesn’t bother me, but here and there it does. There’s just a few things where I actually feel like I lost some control over my environment. For instance, I do my work from her desk, which has her stuff in the drawers and cabinets; I don’t really have a place to store my regularly used tools nor electronics (amplifier, media center pc), so those are just sitting on the floor with wires running all over the place; and I’ve had to fight pretty hard for any closet space whatsoever.
So there’s just been a bit of tension where I can’t do the things I want to do, where I want to do them, because it’s “her” space. But not really a good place to do them.
Little things, nothing big, but probably worth looking out for. It wouldn’t surprise me if he’s used to doing things in the living room or on the kitchen table that you’d frown upon.
[quote]thethirdruffian wrote:
[quote]LankyMofo wrote:
[quote]jjackkrash wrote:
[quote]Steel Nation wrote:
[quote]Jewbacca wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
So, any advice from those of you who’ve been here?
[/quote]
Yes, if you are going to get 1/2 married, you might as well get all-the-way married.[/quote]
x2, but whatever works for you two.
My wife and I had separate finances for the first few years of marriage. We split expenses evenly and had what was left over for “play money.” This was my idea, because at the time I made slightly less money than her, had much less in savings, and wasn’t comfortable spending “her” money. This led to some very convoluted budget discussions and much unnecessary stress.
At about the 3.5 year mark, I realized that we needed to have a common purpose and common goals as a family, and that my efforts to make things “fair” (or whatever) were actually a hindrance to that. I decided that in order to work together towards common financial goals, I needed to stop seeing it as “my money” and “her money,” and realize that all of it was actually “ours.” So we merged our finances - checking, savings, credit, all of it. My income is our income, her debt is our debt, etc. She was on board with this, since she’d wanted to combine finances when we initially got married. Things have been a lot clearer for us since then.
So, I guess you need to decide if the two of you are a team with common goals and aspirations or not. The way you manage your lives (finances included) should reflect that. IMO, of course.[/quote]
Many people think I’m crazy, but I just don’t get joint accounts. At all. My wife and I have common goals and we have passwords to each others accounts, but we both know with absolute certainty which accounts I am responsible for managing and which accounts she is responsible for managing. There are absolutely no misunderstandings this way.
[/quote]
I think every couple needs to find their own sense of balance. My wife and I have joint accounts, we don’t have any separate accounts and we have done it this way since way before we were married.
I manage all of the finances, so this is obviously the best way for us to do it. [/quote]
FWIW, my wife and I keep somewhat separate financial identities, but basically I pay all the bills and she write checks on my account to herself for whatever she wants, but generally related to household stuff.
She works as a nurse practitioner and whatever she makes is her mad money, but we agreed she has to save 20% back into various mutual funds and maxes out her 401K. In reality, she probably saves about 50% of her post-tax income. (I do the same, but probably save 75% back — no debt and no real bills except utilities and taxes.)
The separate pots of money are nice because if she wants to splurge on whatever and I want a new rifle, we don’t care.
[/quote]
Exactly my point - I just don’t get the people who are all like “I see NO REASON to do it this way.”
Everyone has to find a balance with their partner that makes them happy.
That being said, I doubt, in your situation, with the money the two of you are making combined, you would have many problems separate or together unless one of you has a huge spending problem.
I don’t have much to add other than I’m really glad this relationship is going well for you. I don’t get the joint accounts thing, but even though I only kind of know you over the internet I believe there is zero chance that you would blow up the account with frivolous spending, or take advantage of this guy in the event of a breakup.
Also, I didn’t keep up with your relationship thread, but I remember you were nervous about this guy’s reaction to finding out that you post on this site. What happened with that?
[quote]Jewbacca wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
So, any advice from those of you who’ve been here?
[/quote]
Yes, if you are going to get 1/2 married, you might as well get all-the-way married.[/quote]
When he told his mom we’re buying a house together her response was: “And then get married?” He said yes. I think we’re moving in that direction and quickly.
I have to get back to work. Will post more later.
[quote]jjackkrash wrote:
Why would you co-mingle accounts?
[/quote]
Let’s see…
[quote] EmilyQ wrote:
He earns approximately double what I do…
[/quote]
^^ That sounds like a good reason to me. At least, from the bride’s point of view.
My wife has been dead for 6 months now and I’m still unraveling her finances. Apparently she had investments all over the place. 2 401k accounts and a Roth IRA, a few considerable fund accounts too. I just ran across one last week at a bank she used to work for. And she has a pension from a past job. I have to find out if I’m entitled to anything from that.
The IRA accounts are now in my name, some accounts I liquidated, paid the taxes on and put them into a CD in my bank.
But anyway, 2 people married or living together should know the basic finances and be able to run household if something catastrophic comes up.
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]Jewbacca wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
So, any advice from those of you who’ve been here?
[/quote]
Yes, if you are going to get 1/2 married, you might as well get all-the-way married.[/quote]
When he told his mom we’re buying a house together her response was: “And then get married?” He said yes. I think we’re moving in that direction and quickly.
I have to get back to work. Will post more later.[/quote]
Congrats!
So how’s it going so far?
[quote]Jewbacca wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
So, any advice from those of you who’ve been here?
[/quote]
Yes, if you are going to get 1/2 married, you might as well get all-the-way married.[/quote]
This was exactly my thought.
I’ll offer you the same advice that Suze Orman gives out: maintain separate bank accounts, and create one joint account for expenses. You figure out what your joint expenses are, and you each deposit a percentage of that figure proportionate to your portion of the total household income: your contribution = (total expenses)*(your salary)/(your salary + his salary).
It is bad news to commingle all funds and spend discretionary money out of the common funds. But then, I would never buy a house with someone I wasn’t married to unless as part of an investment.
[quote]jjackkrash wrote:
[quote]Steel Nation wrote:
[quote]Jewbacca wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
So, any advice from those of you who’ve been here?
[/quote]
Yes, if you are going to get 1/2 married, you might as well get all-the-way married.[/quote]
x2, but whatever works for you two.
My wife and I had separate finances for the first few years of marriage. We split expenses evenly and had what was left over for “play money.” This was my idea, because at the time I made slightly less money than her, had much less in savings, and wasn’t comfortable spending “her” money. This led to some very convoluted budget discussions and much unnecessary stress.
At about the 3.5 year mark, I realized that we needed to have a common purpose and common goals as a family, and that my efforts to make things “fair” (or whatever) were actually a hindrance to that. I decided that in order to work together towards common financial goals, I needed to stop seeing it as “my money” and “her money,” and realize that all of it was actually “ours.” So we merged our finances - checking, savings, credit, all of it. My income is our income, her debt is our debt, etc. She was on board with this, since she’d wanted to combine finances when we initially got married. Things have been a lot clearer for us since then.
So, I guess you need to decide if the two of you are a team with common goals and aspirations or not. The way you manage your lives (finances included) should reflect that. IMO, of course.[/quote]
Many people think I’m crazy, but I just don’t get joint accounts. At all. My wife and I have common goals and we have passwords to each others accounts, but we both know with absolute certainty which accounts I am responsible for managing and which accounts she is responsible for managing. There are absolutely no misunderstandings this way.
[/quote]
Here were some of the issues I was running into:
Do you split expenses 50/50 or do you split them based on income? When you retire, will you do the same with your retirement income? Are 401k accounts invested in the same funds? Do you contribute the same $ amount? What if one person’s account makes shit returns and the other’s does gangbusters? How do you split tax returns/capital gains/dividends? How are joint “big discretionary expenses” split (vacations, cars, etc)? How do you handle one person getting a big pay increase? Does the increase get split 50/50? Or do you re-allocate expenses to keep the % contribution the same? What if one spouse wants to cut back on work to raise kids? What if you go out to dinner and a movie together - do you split the bill?
I’m not asking for help answering these questions. They are some of the ones for which I do not have a definitive and satisfying resolution.
This thread has convinced me that my life absolutely would not get simpler if my wife had an income. A single income family has its pluses.
[quote]Silyak wrote:
This thread has convinced me that my life absolutely would not get simpler if my wife had an income. A single income family has its pluses. [/quote]
From an income perspective, if you just dump all of your money into 1 account then it’s really not that complicated. It would be like you getting a raise really.
Steel brought up a number of solid questions regarding retirement though. My wife and I have separate 401(k) accounts and I have both a Roth 401(k) and traditional IRA (previous job roll-over). We run separate retirement projections since the accounts are separate and I’m slightly older.
[quote]Silyak wrote:
This thread has convinced me that my life absolutely would not get simpler if my wife had an income. A single income family has its pluses. [/quote]
It’s ugly, but this is basically a visual of what we do. Bills are paid from the shared account and ultimately the same will occur when we retire even though the accounts are separate.
The only caveat is that I have a separate account with a Credit Union where I have a small amount deposited to pay for a car loan.
[quote]usmccds423 wrote:
From an income perspective, if you just dump all of your money into 1 account then it’s really not that complicated. It would be like you getting a raise really.
[/quote]
That’s kind of what I would have expected before I read this thread. But if that was the case, this thread wouldn’t be this long.
[quote]Silyak wrote:
[quote]usmccds423 wrote:
From an income perspective, if you just dump all of your money into 1 account then it’s really not that complicated. It would be like you getting a raise really.
[/quote]
That’s kind of what I would have expected before I read this thread. But if that was the case, this thread wouldn’t be this long.[/quote]
Ya, I think it’s because, in most cases, people make things more complicated than they need to be.
[quote]nephorm wrote:
I’ll offer you the same advice that Suze Orman gives out: maintain separate bank accounts, and create one joint account for expenses. You figure out what your joint expenses are, and you each deposit a percentage of that figure proportionate to your portion of the total household income: your contribution = (total expenses)*(your salary)/(your salary + his salary).
It is bad news to commingle all funds and spend discretionary money out of the common funds. But then, I would never buy a house with someone I wasn’t married to unless as part of an investment.[/quote]
Why is it bad news to commingle? I’m not sure I see the risk to either of us in the relative short term (let’s say a year or two).
[quote]scoots2 wrote:
So how’s it going so far?[/quote]
Very nicely! Well, except for storms and power outages and such. But other than that very well.
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Why is it bad news to commingle? I’m not sure I see the risk to either of us in the relative short term (let’s say a year or two).[/quote]
It’s bad news to commingle all of the income because it becomes too easy to get into disagreements over how the money is spent from the common pile. If you keep discretionary income in separate accounts there is no question of whether he spent too much of your money or you spent too much of his. The other issue is, as Judy says, “there are no courts for unmarrieds.” If you two were to split but couldn’t work things out on your own, no judge is going to try to split up the commingled assets of an unmarried couple.