[quote]Chushin wrote:
[quote]Apoklyps wrote:
Let me tell you all a little story about a guy I know…
He was a lot like the guy the OP described… at first. He was never very good at controlling his drinking, but didn’t usually get too far. But then it got worse. Started blacking out all the time, but didn’t give two shits. Not even when he was too shitfaced to remember losing his virginity. Not even when his borderline alcoholic friends started to tell him he’d gone too far. He got worse and started meddling with other things too. He vomited blood and had something resembling a seizure from drinking. He started drinking every day, and would often measure his drinking by bottles instead of drinks. He did some things he would come to regret while drunk. Despite this, he was pretty functional and did good at school and work. But eventually something had to give. Significant life changes, partly relating to his addictive lifestyle forced changes. An addict always gets worse until it seriously comes back to bite him in the ass. Then he might just have a chance.
Luckily, he was willing to embrace the changes when the time came. He became friends with a lot of serious lifters who encouraged him to be his best self and achieve his potential in everything he could. He threw himself into his work and his workouts with great success. He became happier with his simple life than all the chemical happiness he’d ever had before could give him. He channeled his addictive nature into academics and the gym, and found it more intrinsically rewarding. He could even drink in actual moderation now! Things looked great, but unbeknownst to him, alcohol would hurt him again.
One night, he was randomly attacked by a couple of drunks with a weapon. He was not expecting to be attacked, but he fought them off. However, he sustained such serious injuries that he would probably have died if he had not received medical attention. His face is now scarred for life. What irony… He is presently keeping himself busy again. He likes this new, clean lifestyle.
I hope his story will help you come to a decision. He suffered a lot from alcohol, some at his own hands, and some at others. He does not regret anything, but I think his story is a testament to just how damaging of a substance it can be.[/quote]
Respect to your “friend.”[/quote]
It is very much appreciated. A lot of people, especially those who haven’t experienced it in some way, have little sympathy for the addict and have no conception of just how difficult it can be to remove yourself from that mindset and begin the slow process of building a more positive environment. It’s already a big step to realize that the drinking habits of you and the people you know are NOT normal and ARE a problem.
A wise friend once told him (and perhaps the only wise drinking buddy he had), “we all fall into a mud puddle at times. Some people fall in deeper than others. But no one will stand at the edge and help pull you out forever. You have to pick yourself up out of the mud puddle. Are you someone who will pick yourself up or will you wallow in the puddle forever?”
He really took that to heart.
Perhaps an update is in order:
He doesn’t hate alcohol, people who drink too much, or even the people who ruined his face. He bounces back well and believes that hate’s a wasted emotion that will only bring you down. We all have our scars, be they psychological, physical, or our past. But dwelling upon them will not help us heal. If you let your scars get you down, maybe it means that you don’t feel that what’s left is good enough. It’s important to remember that there’s always something worth fighting for.
He’s happy with who he is, glad that he has supportive family and friends, and working his ass off accruing a top-notch GPA at a very respectable school, trying to get into one of the best medical schools in the country. Despite incredible stress at all times, he loves what he is doing and is on track to achieving his goals.
I hope you use this story as an inspiration. I’m sure that there are many people who weren’t fortunate enough to have the same support, and know that there are many out there who have picked themselves up from much worse depths.
Some things from his story that I thought might be helpful to anyone who wants to get out of their puddle:
-Create a positive supportive environment. This is a lot of work, but ever so helpful. Learning the difference between “fun” friends and friends who push each other to reach their potential is critical. Most “fun” friends won’t be there for you when you fall.
-Do some soul searching, and look at the root of your problem. Try and look at it (and yourself) in an unbiased way. You don’t want to spare your feelings, but you don’t want to be too harsh, either. Just try and be realistic. Find what you think is valuable about yourself, and what parts should be changed. Develop a concrete plan to reshape the things you don’t like and fix any underlying psychological issues.
-Set goals. There’s always something worth fighting for, so set short-term and long-term goals with set time periods (REALISTIC time periods).
-You will not make yourself perfect overnight, or ever. Don’t beat yourself up over your failures. Learn from them, and focus your mind on strategies you can try to be more successful next time.
-Take up a hobby, preferably one that’s incompatible with substance abuse. It has to be something you’re passionate about. Lifting is great for this because abstaining or moderation rewards you in terms of gains.
-Don’t be afraid to seek help if you need it. Not everyone (and probably most people) can do it alone. Be practical. If seeking help means you have a better chance of success, then do what will help you achieve your goals, and leave your ego at the door.
-Confidence in your ability to achieve your goals is key to realizing them.
-Don’t go cold turkey. It’s better to introduce gradual change to wean off slowly while building a more positive environment.
-There will be times when you will crave. This is a test of your mettle. Try seeing if you can wait an hour. If you are still craving badly, and can’t hold off, don’t feel bad. As time goes on, the cravings will get better and an hour will be long enough for it to go away.
