I like this advice, it’s like the ghost of Bourdain reaching out to me. The company I work for sells overseas but to franchises. So there are no jobs abroad from them.
What would you like to happen? If you finish a task then you want there to be nothing left to do?
I think you might need to figure out what is “success” in your eyes. The reality is that we all die and once that happens, most of what we did doesn’t matter. All that remains is people’s memory of you and how you affected their lives.
I’m sorry you feel like Christians let you down. They’re humans, too, and all humans are flawed.
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No real money involved. I play online for fake coins or a $10 buy in occasionally so it’s less than going out to the movies.
Where do you live. What access to outdoor sports do you have, and do you pursue? Rock climbing, mountain biking, skiing, mountaineering, running whitewater, etc.
Go spend a year and a half building a mountain bike trail, and then revel in the accomplishment of everyone (including yourself) enjoying riding it…
It’s not just that. When I finish a task they wanted me to do more.
That’s great advice. Unfortunately I live in the middle of a large city. However I could apply that advice by creating a web startup. I’d get to build and challenge myself and enjoy the fruits of my labor. And if the product is great people would enjoy that as well.
Poker is great fun and it’s even better in real life, in the same room as other people. So you can see their faces when you bust them. Also it’s kinda like hanging out and BS-ing with some dudes when you’re not in a hand. Start a game or find a game for some Bro-time.
Lifting weights is great too. Although super repitive, monotonous routines can make it dull. Lifting too heavy too often can make people depressed and Emo. Also no curls = no fun. Maybe find something more exciting and rewarding than Stronglifts.
If you’re down town maybe you could stop somewhere for a beer/drink during happy hour, after work. Spend 20-30 minutes in the company of other people who you don’t have to supervise or manage. Maybe you’ll even see a pretty girl, your body will generate some testosterone, and you’ll feel more vigorous.
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Have you tried therapy?
The therapist could help you work on your boundaries (“I’m sorry, I wish I could help out, but I can’t”) in addition to helping brainstorm your sleep and relationship issues and feelings of ennui.
I would start with your primary care provider, to whom you could speak about your sleep. They can offer a referral to a therapist.
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IMO: Start training and competing in Brazilian jiu jitsu. In 6-12 months you’ll have at least a dozen very close friends, men and women. If you’re an intelligent guy that enjoys physical challenges, you’ll love it.
Living in the middle of a big city is a huge asset for BJJ, as gyms are usually all over the place.
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I’ll second BJJ. I’m 39 and my kid is grown, so it’s been a great way to spend the time I used to fill with child rearing. Some of the best friendships I have were made on the mat. Shared suffering builds bonds in a way that other group workouts like yoga do not.
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I guess we have to find a different kind of meaning? My friend who eanrs lots of money and has a nice girl is still unhappy. I’m turning 30 soon and I’m the same boat. useless studies, horrible job that I hate, single and heartbroken once again, literally 0€ in savings, and living with my mom. But at least I bought my first car. i’m still trying to find positivity and progress little by little. But sometimes I just want to say fuck it and go to another country start a new life from scraps.
You know what? You can do the same thing by becoming a therapist! Which is what I recommend OP do. Then his friends can help him sort his boundaries out. lol
I tried that once, but apparently you need some fancy credentials before the lawyers will let you practice medicine.
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Well, sure, but once you have those…
Not true at all. You just hook a couple people up and let word get around.
This is depression. Maybe sub clinical, maybe clinical. Welcome to the abyss my friend. Sorry life kicked you in the teeth and hasn’t been fulfilling for you. It sucks, you want to be happy but you don’t have a clue what that would look like right? So now you’re rudderless and lost.
I can’t tell you how to become well adjusted and find fulfillment. Nobody can. But doing the following can’t hurt:
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Get adequate sleep. Get a CPAP, take magnesium, Darkness, quit caffeine after noon… etc. Whatever it takes. It makes that big a difference.
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Get a checkup with bloodwork. Check hormones as well as the metabolic panel and what not.
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Talk to a councilor, therapist, clergy member whatever. You need a sounding board who is a neutral 3rd party who can help you work through things.
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Write down goals: 1 year, 5 year etc… It doesn’t matter how pretty or profound they are just write them. After they’re on paper and you like the look of them, write out “why” statements for each one. Why do you want the things you think you want? The easier your “why” comes to you on a goal the more that goal aligns with your values.
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Don’t kill yourself. I don’t think you’re there yet, but some of what you wrote looks dark-ish. Flip the abyss the bird and fight back.
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Not even close to that. Never crossed my mind. I’m looking for a solution.
I can solve so many business and technology problems but I can’t get my happiness sorted out. If only there was a manual.
I tried it. However it leads to lots of injuries.
get off Stronglifts -will hit a wall and feel like shit sooner or later. Run though programs off the Tnation part of the site …anything by Waterbury, Wendler, Dan John etc
x2 with Polo do something to contribute/help other people. Sounds like you need to get out of your own head. Decent holiday away prob wouldn’t hurt either.
Feeling Good the New Mood therapy by David Burns MD would be a good read for you.(helps clear out a lot of negatve though patterns &beliefs) If anything Apergers will help you get more out of it
Do you have faith?